


Apathetic Synergy

by CaraRose



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 05:25:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 52,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11525451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaraRose/pseuds/CaraRose
Summary: AU where Rey is captured at the end of TFA by the First Order.---She twisted on the bed, bending as much as the restraints would let her, ignoring the pain of her still healing side and tuning out the steady, irritating beep of the medbay equipment. Her focus was on the clear line running down to the connection to her vein. The medics had come again, added the drugs to IV bag without any acknowledgement of her before leaving. It’s effects were already starting to be felt. Soon it would sweep her away into an unfocused daze.If she let it.Catching the line on the guardrail of the bed, she twisted her arm against the restraint, pulling the line taut, biting her lip against the pain of the catheter twisting in her vein. With a slow, steady pull, she felt the needle of the line slip out of the catheter, just enough that the drip would run off and not into her body. The line was close enough that she could use the force to push it back in when they came to check on her, or when the bag was empty and the worry about the drugs were no longer a threat.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this was a start I put on Tumblr a ways back, then wrote a little bit more to make a chapter.
> 
> Decided to post it because I feel like there's a decent story here, and once I actually put something on Ao3 I'm going to work on it eventually rather than have it sitting in my Google Docs under the very vague document title of "Whateverthisis"
> 
> Probably not going to be updated as frequently as Snare or Bonded, since those still are going to take up most of my time, but I'll try to also fit this one in and put some time into it.

She twisted on the bed, bending as much as the restraints would let her, ignoring the pain of her still healing side and tuning out the steady, irritating beep of the medbay equipment. Her focus was on the clear line running down to the connection to her vein. The medics had come again, added the drugs to IV bag without any acknowledgement of her before leaving. It’s effects were already starting to be felt. Soon it would sweep her away into an unfocused daze.

If she let it.

Catching the line on the guardrail of the bed, she twisted her arm against the restraint, pulling the line taut, biting her lip against the pain of the catheter twisting in her vein. With a slow, steady pull, she felt the needle of the line slip out of the catheter, just enough that the drip would run off and not into her body. The line was close enough that she could use the force to push it back in when they came to check on her, or when the bag was empty and the worry about the drugs were no longer a threat.

This was her third time now avoiding the drugs, whatever it was. Her mind was clearer even with the pain that had returned. She wasn’t entirely certain if it was just a pain killer that left her unable to think and took away her will to fight. But some part of her doubted it. Whatever it was also killed her ability to feel and focus on the force. She might not have much of an ability to do that, or understand entirely what she was doing when she did, it made her think that at least one of the drugs that was being fed to her veins was designed entirely to create that disruption with her force connection.

There was not a lot of clear memories since Starkiller. Those memories she remembered vividly. Pinned against the cliff by the monster… him telling her she needed a teacher and… offering to be that teacher. His words had reminded her that she had something, something she didn’t understand but still something, that she had access to. And she had tried to access it… and it had come into her in the form of pure, unadulterated rage. She broke away from him, lashing blow after blow at him with a speed and skill that had manifested itself out of nowhere. And then she’d landed a blow across his side and he’d fallen. The rage had twisted into some kind of monstrous fury and she’d jabbed his shoulder as he stood, then run forward with the saber in both hands, landing a blow across his blade to knock him off balance and landed a kick to his chest, the monster growing in her growling happily as he landed on his back, his saber sizzling in the snow.

And then the pain erupted in her side, causing her to stagger back. More blaster bolts erupted around her and she stumbled and turned, running seeming to be her only option now as she was injured.

But he was behind her, his body crashed into hers, driving her to the ground. She had struggled and kicked in his grasp, managing to get a foot up to plant a kick square in his chest. Stumbling to her feet and igniting the saber, she slashed almost blindly upward… and made contact. The blade had slashed across his shoulder and face, leaving a gaping gash that trailed up to above his eye.

She tried to turn, but he was on his feet again and once again tackled her, she hit the ground, sprawled against a tree, his body on top of hers. Before she could react again his hands had grasped her head on each side, large hands almost seeming to be able to wrap entirely around her head, and smashed it back against the tree with a snarl of rage. White light flashed across her vision and then nothing.

Until she’d awaken in a haze in this medbay with no idea how long she’d been here. Even since waking up the drugs had interrupted any kind of consistency of time. She could have been here a few days or a few months. The medics refused to talk to her except when giving her a command. Her questions had bounced off of them as if they hadn’t heard.

She didn’t intend to stay here any longer. Her mind was clear now, pain or no pain, and she was refusing to let it drift to uncomfortable places. Refusing to let it think of Finn. Of Chewie. Of Han. Of Jakku and how long she’d been gone. Of the gnawing fear that in her absence they had come for her and she hadn’t been there.

No, she had one focus now. Escape. Escape this gods forsaken medbay. Then escape this gods forsaken ship. Get far away from the First Order.

Escape.

She could feel the force now and she had some vague sense of how to manipulate it. Concentrating on the restraint on her right wrist. Trying to maneuver the thick leather out of it’s clasp with her awkward control. After what she thought might have been hours she slipped her wrist out of the loosened restraint. Rolling over she fumbled and worked off the left one with her right hand, then quickly undid the ones on her ankles.

Rolling off the bed she let her bare feet hit the cold metal floor, shivering in the thin medical gown she was wearing. Her legs wobbled under her, having grown used to disuse. Her whole body felt weak, weaker than she had ever felt in her life. She walked over to the door to the room.

Locked.

It was to be expected, but that didn’t stop the exasperated sigh from leaving her lips. The medics would come, eventually. Morning checkup on her healing wounds and new dose of the drugs.

She needed a weapon.

Her eyes fell to the IV stand. It was too unbalanced to work as a staff, but it looked like it was made of sections that fit into one another. She sat on the end of the bed and spent what seemed like another eternity loosening the sections to take it apart. The middle section was maybe four feet long and solid. She turned it in her hands, satisfied, before slipping over to the door to wait.

There was no way to tell time anymore, so she just waited.

They would come, she would pounce, and she would be free.

 

* * *

 

He lay on the medbay bed, wearing loose black pants and a black tank top. He refused to wear the thin medical gowns, much to the annoyance of the medics. Not that they would have dared say anything to him, but it flickered across their minds loud enough for him to hear. This was as close to being naked as he intended to be in a semi-public setting.

His eyes were closed as he reached outward with his mind. Monitoring what was happening a room over thoughtfully, maybe a little amused. She’d been managing to avoid the drugs for at least a day, maybe two. It probably should have been prudent to let the medics know that their patient was managing to avoid her medication, but he opted not to. No, he was going to let the incompetent idiots learn their lesson the hard way about the girl. And he was going to watch this play out and see the girl in action. His girl in action.

It wasn’t like he wasn’t here to stop it and keeping it from going a little too far. He had no intention of letting her leave the isolation bay. It was a cluster of three hospital rooms around a central main chamber of medical equipment. The entrance contained an airlock. It wasn’t needed for biocontainment in this case, but he’d pushed for her to be kept in this unit for the locking ability. If she got a jump on someone coming in and got out the first door, the second door of the airlock would be sealed. You didn’t open one until the other was locked. When it came to the girl, containment was paramount.

Hux had thought it was overkill. As he’d thought his insistence of having his own recovery room in here with here was absurd. He’d made it clear he didn’t give a flying fuck what Hux’s opinions were.

Like his medical staff, Hux was underestimating the girl.

He’d underestimated her once. He didn’t plan on doing that again. Like him, they needed to learn that lesson the hard way, preferably with a little humiliation.

She was moving now, she’d gotten free of her restraints. He’d felt her fumbling at one with the force. Weakly and awkwardly. Eventually she’d freed one of her hands and then extracted herself from the rest without additional use of the force. Her control of her power was lacking, but given it was self taught in such a limited amount of time, it was rather amazing. There was potential. Potential to be molded into something truly potent.

He wanted to be the one to mold her.

Whatever the draw was to this girl, he’d felt it long before he met her. It had overwhelmed him on Takadona. It had been part of what led to his defeat on Starkiller. He felt strangely calm when he looked at her. As if her presence was some kind of bacta salve for the scorched and withered thing that was left of his soul. A soothing he didn’t think he needed or wanted until he would find himself looking into those light green and brown eyes and feel its effects.

His desire to teach her was hard to describe. He chuckled to himself before admitting that his desire _for_ her was hard to describe. Because he did desire her, and his near defeat at her hands had only made this desire burn stronger. She was raw and young and untouched, innocent but strong. She could be turned into anything he wanted to make her into, the perfect ally, and maybe the perfect lover.

She was wild, borderline feral, but she could be tamed.

He could feel her waiting, off to the side, waiting for the opportunity to pounce on the unsuspecting idiot who was going to walk into her room. It was almost sad to know how futile her efforts will end up being. Leaving one locked door to meet another. And beyond that one there was another locked door. Even further beyond that was another. She had nowhere to run. No way to escape. She had a lesson to learn here too, as did the medics who’d failed to make sure the suppression drugs were making it into her system.

The airlock opened and one of the medics walked in. They would check on her first, as they always did. He smirked, getting up from the bed and standing in the shadows next to his door to watch this play out.

He heard a cry of effort and the thwack of her makeshift weapon as it connected to the medic’s head. The medic collapsed with a cry and he could hear her snarl from where he stood as she brought her weapon down twice more on him.

She stumbled into the main chamber of the isolation bay, bloody metal rod in her hands. Barefoot, wearing the medical gown that hung loosely over her small frame. Her hair was down, and unkempt, hanging around her face. Looking around wildly, trying to find a way to identify where she was and how she was going to get out. He smiled. She was trying hard to contain herself and her wild emotions, keep her fear and panic and anger under control. Approaching the door and finding it locked, she looked, trying to find a way to unlock it. Finally letting out a scream of frustration and slamming the metal rod into the door.

It was probably time to end this, he slipped out of his room, staying silent as he approached her.

“There’s another locked door beyond that one. And beyond that another. Where do you really think you’re going to go, girl?”

She let out a cry and whirled, raising her makeshift weapon defensively. Her eyes widened as she recognized him, “You.” She took a step back. Good, she was afraid of him. That was a good place to be if he was going to start keeping her under control, at least until he could build trust.

“Me,” he agreed. “Me, scavenger girl.” He smiled, he was pretty sure it wasn’t a pleasant looking smile, “Or should I call you Rey? I believe that’s what you’re traitor friend called you?”

Her breath caught and her eyes narrowed and blazed. Her jaw clenched, “What happened to him?” The voice that came out was low and hushed.

He couldn’t help chuckle, “No idea.” Stepping closer, he spoke the next words with his voice full of vindictive mirth, his body tense and ready. He knew the taunt would elicit rage and attack and he was well prepared for it, “I would hope he died alone and suffering as the planet collapsed, but I have no way to know for sure.”

The rod swung at him as she lunged, screaming in rage. He dodged it easily and caught her right arm on the downswing, twisting her forearm hard and enjoying the shriek of both pain and anger that she emitted as her fingers were forced open and the rod slipped from her grasp. It clattered to the ground and he kicked it across the room. She swung a closed fist at him with her left hand and he caught her wrist before she could make contact. He blocked her leg with his as she attempted to kick him, shoving her backwards until her back hit the wall, using his body to pin her against it, her wrists held firmly in his hands. He leaned his face inches from hers, feeling the lines of her body through the thin medical gown, feeling her body heat against him. A primal urge from a cold, dark, lustful part of him whispered he should claim her right now as his own against the wall.

The rest of him knew better. He could force her to submit to him, breaking her will and spirit and requiring subservience, but in the end he would find her turning on him. She would spend years waiting for the opportunity to get her revenge.

No, he needed to gentle her, tame her. Make her submit of her own will. Make her want to be his. If he succeeded she’d be willing to die for him.

Her eyes met his, wet and terrified and enraged. And beautiful, hauntingly beautiful. The eyes flicked across his face and lingered on the wound across his face, covered in medical webbing. It was healing but would leave a mark on him. He smiled, almost affectionately, “Admiring your handiwork?”

He couldn’t stop the dark laugh that sprang from his chest when she flinched and look away. Pushing his head next to hers, his mouth touching her ear, he spoke softly and affectionately, “You should admire it, silly girl. You nearly defeated me. Me, Kylo Ren, master of the Knights of Ren, nearly bested by you, an untrained half-starved desert rat.” He pulled back and met her eyes as they flicked to look at him, startled. He dragged her right wrist over to him and kissed it right below the palm of her hand, leaving his lips pressed against her skin, feeling her pulse pounding under his lips.

She bucked against him and tried to rip her arm away from his grasp, a snarl coming from her tiny frame. He pushed his body against her harder, holding her against the wall, and closed his fingers tighter around her wrist, tight enough that he was sure they’d bruise. He held her arm in place, his mouth still against her, and suckled against the skin for a moment before pulling his head back and pushing her arm against the wall.

Her lips were trembling, “What do you want from me?”

He looked up to the ceiling and laughed before looking back into her eyes, “That’s a more complicated question than it seems.” Her eyes narrowed into a glare, “I guess to start, we can’t really forget about the little detail of the map in your head. You will give that to us, one way or another.”

“I will give you nothing,” she said, coldly.

“You may not give it to me, but you will give it to us in the end,” he dismissed her response. If he couldn’t get it from her Snoke would, it would just be a matter of what was left of her mind if it came down to that.

He leaned back, looking at the lines of her face, “And the rest… I made you and offer during our fight. I haven’t revoked it. I can show you the ways of the force, I can show you what you can be, Rey. And I _want_ to show you that.”

Her body shook against him, the kindness and affection in his voice surprised her. Then he felt her stiffen, her eyes hardened, “I want nothing from you.”

The sound of the door opening made her body jump against his.

“What… oh, Sir! I…” He recognized the lead medic’s voice.

“Your team’s been negligent about making sure our guest has her medication,” he said. The girl began to struggle against him again with no success, snarling.

“Medication?” she growled with contempt.

The medic stumbled over her words, “That… that isn’t possible we’ve been…”

“I don’t give a fuck what you think is possible. She’s managed to avoid getting it from the IV. I suggest you go get some now, and then I suggest you check and see if she beat Lt. Tanis to death and if not get him to the main medbay.”

The medic paled and hurried past them, the girl thrashed violently against him, trying to hook her legs against his. He felt the force constrict around her and batted her attempt to push him with it away. Breathing hard, she spat her words at him, “Medication? You mean the drugs you’re force feeding me to keep me subdued?”

“For your own safety,” he smirked, “we only have your best interests in mind, Rey.”

“Go fuck yourself!”

The medic returned, the girl thrashed harder and he angled his body against hers to pin her arm still against the wall as the medic found a vein.

The effects were quick, the girl’s body losing the tension against his. He pulled back, releasing her hands and stepping to the side. She tried to take a step forward and he caught her gently from behind, hugging his arms around her chest. Holding her upright against him, he slowly pushed her forward towards her room. He shook his head at the medic as she stepped forward to help. She hesitated before hurrying ahead of them to check on the fallen medic in the doorway and calling for assistance.

He steered the girl past them as he entered the room and headed to the bed. She tried to fight feebly as he pushed her onto it, then swatting at him with her free hand as he secured the first into the restraint. Paying it no mind, he methodically secured the other arm before her feet. Once she was secured he pulled the blanket up over her and reached down to brush the hair out of her eyes, “All tucked in.”

She let out a hissing breath, anger still visible in eyes that fought to and then failed to focus. He ran his knuckles down her cheek affectionately and laughed as she made an attempt to bite him. It was hard not to admire her spirit.

He turned and left the room, past the crumpled medic and the lead medic leaning over him, not bothering to give them a look. Ignoring the medical team that streamed in with a gurney to take the injured one away. Walking into his room and collapsing on the uncomfortable bed, stretching his arms over his head. Reaching out to feel again for the girl in the next room, he closed his eyes and relaxed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She glared a moment, noticing now how the medical webbing was gone from his face. The gash she had given him was nearly healed, just a slightly red line remaining where it had been. How long had it been since she could last remember being awake?
> 
> “A little over two weeks,” his eyes rested on her as he slouched slightly in the chair, his hands folded together on his stomach.
> 
> “Get out of my head!” she hissed angrily.
> 
> His head cocked slightly, “Learn to keep me out. I can teach you.”
> 
> Her gaze turned to him sharply, his face was open and calm as he watched her.
> 
> _You need a teacher!_
> 
> Her breath caught, for a moment she could feel the cold of the wind and the sparks that bounced off her face as their blades spit against one another. 
> 
> _I can show you_
> 
> She dragged herself back to the present, turning her head away, “No.”
> 
> Out of the corner of her eye she saw him shrug his shoulders, “Then get used to it.”

There were voices in her room.

Despite the haze hanging over her mind she found herself able to force herself to concentrate enough to follow the words. Her side and head throbbed enough that she had to fight not to whimper as she shifted as much as her restraints allowed. But at least the pain seemed to cut through the fog and give her brief moments of clarity.

“She's dangerous!” a voice she didn't recognize spoke, angrily. Blinking to get her eyes to focus she peered at the people in her doorway. The man speaking wore an officer's uniform, red hair standing out against the black of his uniform and hat. Next to him was the lead medic, and across from both of the was _him_.“I refuse--”

“Dangerous. Just like I told you when I made the security measures for her containment clear and you said it was ridiculous overkill.” His eyes flicked towards her, and she snapped her eyes shut.

“I'm not comfortable proceeding with the treatment plan. In a normal patient we would probably be starting physical therapy and exercises in another two weeks. That requires her to be both unrestrained and only mildly sedated.” The medic sounded fretful.

“I'll be present to keep her under control.” She gritted her teeth together. Arrogant son of a bitch thinks he would keep her under control?

_Yes, the arrogant son of a bitch will._

Her breath caught in her throat. Was that? Was he in her head?

“She nearly killed Tanis!” the medic snapped.

“If your staff hadn’t been incompetent and complacent then that wouldn't have happened.”

“Ren,” the redhead again. She was deciding she really didn’t like his voice, or him. Though it wasn’t like she liked anything about any of them.

“There isn’t anything to talk about, General. This isn’t your concern,” Ren cut the redhead off, voice sharp. She shifted on the bed, biting her lip to hold in a cry as she moved the wrong way and pain shot through the healing wound on her side. Opening her eyes just slightly to peer at the three of them, she found he was looking at her, eyes sharp, brow furrowed. He shifted his gaze to the medic, and she couldn’t help but feel like something dangerous was building around him.

“Seriously Ren? That little bitch put one of my men in the medbay, that isn’t my concern?” the redhead’s voice lowered into a snarl. “And once she’s healed, are we planning to just set her loose on my ship? Because that is also very much my concern.”

Ren’s gaze turned back to the general, “She’s not being set loose anywhere. She’ll be released into my care and will be my responsibility to keep in line.”

Oh, he was going to keep her under control and keep her in line, was he?

 _Yes, little girl, he will._ The voice in her head sounded amused and she ground her teeth together.

_no you won’t no one owns me not here not on jakku I will kill you if that’s what it takes kill all of you but no one will control me but me_

The thoughts ran through her head with no buffer, just a violent stream of consciousness that flowed on loop. Till his words broke the loop as he once again spoke into her mind.

_Whether you want to believe it or not, I’m the only friend you have here, Rey._

“If you want something to take care of, get a fucking pet, Ren. I suggest a cat. They’re calming,” the redhead snapped. “I intend to go to the Supreme Leader--”

“Feel free. He’s been updated on recent developments, and if anything they made him agree even more that this is the right choice. The girl has potential and we’re not going to squander it without at least trying.”

Potential? She had potential? What the fuck was he even going on about?

His eyes glanced at her again and she snapped her eyes shut, “And one more thing…”

Someone shouted and she snapped her eyes open to see Ren slamming the medic into to the wall, his arm pressing against her throat.

“Ren!” the redhead screamed, looking livid.

Ren paid the redhead no mind as he glared into the medic’s face, “This unfortunate tendency you and your people have started of _forgetting_ to give her painkillers stops now.” The medic tried to wheeze something, and Ren’s lips rose into a snarl, “Try to deny it again and you can get the bed next to Tanis after I bash your skull open on the wall.”

The medic nodded and he released her, “Go get her some now, “ he growled as he turned his back and walked towards her bed. She snapped her eyes shut as he approached.

“You can not just attack my people--”

“Take it up with Supreme Leader, Hux. We’re done here.” His voice was just above her.

The sound of heels clacking away on the floor told her the redhead had left the room. Another set of footsteps approached and she opened her eyes just enough to peer through her eyelashes. Ren was standing over her at the bedside as the medic returned, a syringe in hand.

Ren put his hand out, “Give it to me and get the fuck out.”

The medic glared as she dropped the syringe into his hand and exited the room, the door closing behind her.

“I know you’re awake, so just open your eyes,” Ren spoke above her. She opened her eyes, struggling to force them to focus. The corner of his mouth twisted into a smile as he looked down at her. She glared at the syringe in his hands… it would help with the pain but probably push her back into the haze that she barely had broken free from.

He sighed, putting the palm of his hand flat on her chest, the warmth of his hand burning through the thin material of the black medical gown. She bared her teeth, squirming futilely to get away from his hand, despite the pain the movement caused,“Don’t…” her voice was so raspy, “Don’t… touch… me.” He raised his eyebrows at her, his hand not moving as he regarded her calmly.

“You’ve got another week or two for that blaster wound to heal,” he said, quietly. “Let it heal. Let yourself rest. Then we’ll get you strong again.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, his hand still resting heavy on her chest as he injected the contents of the syringe into her catheter with his free hand.

“You’re going to have plenty of time to put your will against mine in the future,” he said as the painkiller rapidly took effect. The pain in her head and side fading as the feeling of a heavy wet blanket being dragged over her mind set in. Her eyes closed.

Her last thought before falling into oblivion was that his hand was still resting on her chest.

 

* * *

 

_Her throat was so dry._

_She shimmied into the tight space. A benefit of being so small was you could fit in places a lot of others couldn’t. Places where the treasures were yet to be harvested from the old wrecks. Her small hands wrapped around the part and pulled, but her hands slid off and her back slammed into the wall behind her._

_Sweat dripped into her eyes. Moisture being lost, moisture she couldn’t spare. It had been a long walk out here on her own. It would be a long walk back. She should have realized she would need more water when she planned on coming here._

_Too late to do anything about it now. She would get the part and she would make it back. The three portions she would get meant she could spare a day to recover from dehydration. It was still worth it. Wrapping her hands around it she once again struggled to dislodge it from the wall of the wreck. Pushing off the wall with a foot for more leverage._

_  
_ _I tore from the wall suddenly, sending her stumbling back into the opposite wall again, her head smashing against the metal hard enough for her vision to white out for a moment. She leaned against the wall, breathing hard, before looking down at the part in her hand. It was in near mint condition, and clean too, not counting the smears of her blood from where the metal had cut her fingers._

_Dropping the part into her bag, she wrapped her tunic around her hand, putting pressure on the cuts to stop the bleeding. It was just more moisture she couldn’t afford to lose. Squeezing through the narrow gap back into the main husk of the ship, she walked through the fallen behemoth into the blinding bright sun of the desert day. She pulled the white cloth that hung over her shoulders up to wrap her head and make a veil. It was a long walk back, she hoped she could make it by dark. It wasn’t safe to roam the deserts of Jakku at night. Not when you were as small and vulnerable as she was._

_So dry though, her throat was so dry. How she wished she had water…_

 

* * *

 

She awoke with a dry cough, moving to pull her arm to cover her mouth, only to slam against the restraint. Reality came back to her with an unkind clarity. She was in a medbay. A prisoner of the First Order. Her throat itched, it was so dry.

An arm slipped under her back and she let out a startled cry as she looked up to see _him_ looming over her.

“Easy.” He lifted her off the bed slightly, his other hand bringing a cup to her lips, the cold liquid splashing against her lips. The small voice that whispered her to refuse anything he would offer her vanished as she found herself drinking the water almost desperately, the cold liquid soothing her throat.

Setting the cup down he gently lowered her back on the bed and slid his arm out from under her shoulders, “Better?” She looked up at him, eyes narrowing. He shook his head as he sat down in a metal chair next to her bed, “So suspicious. Do you always assume that every action is done with an ulterior motive?”

In his case she sure as fuck did. Whatever reason she was here, she was alive, it was because they wanted something from her. She glared a moment, noticing now how the medical webbing was gone from his face. The gash she had given him was nearly healed, just a slightly red line remaining where it had been. How long had it been since she could last remember being awake?

“A little over two weeks,” his eyes rested on her as he slouched slightly in the chair, his hands folded together on his stomach.

“Get out of my head!” she hissed angrily.

His head cocked slightly, “Learn to keep me out. I can teach you.”

Her gaze turned to him sharply, his face was open and calm as he watched her.

_You need a teacher!_

Her breath caught, for a moment she could feel the cold of the wind and the sparks that bounced off her face as their blades spit against one another.

_I can show you_

She dragged herself back to the present, turning her head away, “No.”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him shrug his shoulders, “Then get used to it.”

He could go fuck himself.

“I heard that,” his voice was amused. “Now, if I let your arms out of the restraints so you can sit up for awhile, are you going to be a good girl?”

Once again her gaze dragged over to him, eyeing him suspiciously a moment before nodding. He got up, towering over her as he released one restraint before leaning over her to release the other. For a split second it crossed her mind that he was vulnerable and she had one arm free… but she thought better of it. If it had been one of the medics, yes, but not _him_ , she might put some marks on him but she wouldn’t win the fight.

He straightened up and she realized he was smirking, “Smart girl.” She flashed her teeth at him as he pushed a button the head of the bed lifted, letting her sit up. Rubbing her wrists, she glanced at him as he sat back down. Carefully she rubbed a hand down her side, the wound appeared to be almost healed.

“You’ll start physical therapy in a few days, working on getting your strength back,” the chair creaked as he leaned back. “And I’ll be present anytime you’re unrestrained, so don’t get any ideas.”

“Why?”

“Why what?” his voice was annoyingly calm in compared to the rage and fear that roiled within her.

“Heal me? If it’s just the map…”

“If it was just about the map we could have ripped it from your mind and disposed of you,” he said, cutting her off. “You’re actually guarding it quite well, even suppressed and unconscious, you’ve walled it off and barricaded it in a corner of your mind. Lucky for you we’ve found the issue is less time sensitive than we initially believed, because to pry it out of your pretty little head would have damaged you.”

She frowned, shifting uncomfortably as his eyes seemed to rest on her. Why would they care if damaged her?

“We have no use for damaged goods, Rey. And my student needs to be back at full health before I can start to teach her.”

“I am _not_ your student.”

“You will be.”

“No.”

He smirked, “We’ll see.” His chair creaked again, “How old were you? In the dream? It was a memory, wasn’t it?”

Were even her dreams not safe from this monster?”

“I’m not a monster, Rey. And your dreams… Safe from me? No. Safe with me? Yes.” He paused, “How old?”

“I don’t know, elevenish,” she answered, not looking at him.

“Already on your own.”

“I’ve been on my own as long as I can remember,” she answered, her eyes flicking back over to him. His expression surprised her. It was thoughtful, almost gentle.

“I know you’re not going to accept this yet,” he said, quietly, “but you’re not anymore.”

 

* * *

 

Physical therapy was hell.

There had never been a time in her life where she’d been idle for so long. On Jakku, a week bedridden would have been a death sentence. Even the sickest she’d ever gotten with dehydration and heat stroke, she had only been able to rest a day or two. And even during that day or two she’d still dragged herself around her AT-AT, doing whatever chores she could handle.

Life might not have been pleasant, but it had been ruled by one relatively simple rule. You work or you die.

Now, after lying in a bed for gods know how long, her body was a wreck from disuse and she felt humiliatingly weak. It left her thinking back to her hazy escape attempt, and realizing how much she had been running on pain, anger, and adrenaline. Because right now just walking across the cell of a hospital room left her short of breath and her muscles aching.

Ren was omnipresent, watching calmly from his chair as the medic made her endure exercise after exercise that reminded her how weak she was and left her body screaming. She could only imagine he was bored out of his mind, but if he was he didn’t show it. His face was fairly devoid of any emotion as he watched.

His presence was a bit of a relief. Because though he might be there to protect the medics from her and keep her wary enough to do as she was told, he also served to keep the medics from stepping too far out of line. They hadn’t forgotten she nearly killed one of them, and causing her pain in the guise of therapy apparently was one way to punish her. They clearly feared Ren as much as she did, as loath as she was to admit to herself that she was afraid of him.

Her mind was mostly clear. Though she still wasn’t able to feel the force… or rather she could not feel it well. If she concentrated she could feel something vague, trickling through her. But if she tried to touch it, it merely slipped through her mental fingers like flowing sand. They were still drugging her, she was sure of that, something that kept her from touching this thing that she still barely understood. At night she was still being sedated. To be honest, she didn’t mind. It kept her mind from wandering into too many dark places that would chase sleep away from herself. Thoughts of home, of how long she’d been gone. The fear that someone might have come only for her to be absent, leaving her lost and never to be found.

Thoughts of Finn and Chewie, wondering if it was possible they’d survived. Thoughts of Han, a crooked smile on his face as he offered her a job. And of looking down and watching as a red lightsaber burst through his back, of his body falling into the abyss.

Such thoughts would then need to be reconciled with the man who was now spending more and more time in her room, letting her be free of the restraints while he sat with his attention on a datapad, tapping away. The man who Han had called his son and caressed the face of as he died by that man’s hand.

The man who seemed to look at her with a thoughtful gentleness that she couldn’t reconcile with what she had seen and experienced of him before now.

She was being fed now… or rather being allowed to eat. It was clear she’d been being given nutrients and kept hydrated. Not that it changed how ravenous she was when someone put food in front of her. As with any activity that required her to be unrestrained, Ren was always there for her meals. The first time the tray with a small amount of vegmeat and a polystarch stick had been placed in front of her, she had been wolfing the food down with her hands when she noticed the horrified look on Ren’s face as he watched her eat. She’d looked up from her tray long enough to ask “What?” through a mouthful of polystarch, leading him just to shake his head and look away.

He tended to eat his own meals with her now, though she noticed he avoided looking at her as she ate. For his part, he ate ridiculously daintily and slow. He didn’t even always finish his food, she was horrified to realize whatever was left just was thrown in the trash. There were few things that she found truly and deeply offensive, but wasting food was one of them.

Conversations were sparse and strained. Ren would sometimes ask her questions, questions that seemed to be just casual curiosity. Sometimes she would answer. Sometimes she’d ignore him, glaring at the ceiling, while he plucked the answers out of her mind and carried on as if she’d spoken out loud.

“The dream… the memory, from when you were eleven…” he said, poking his vegmeat around the tray with a utensil. She had noticed he seemed to never touch his food with his hands.

She looked at him, her own food now having been finished for ten minutes.

“Did you make it back safe?” he asked, before using the utensil to pop a small bit of vegmeat into his mouth.

_A boot connected with her stomach. She should have seen them, but her head throbbed and spun and had made it hard for her to focus. The leader of the gang knelt over her as two of the others searched her for anything of value. Taking everything she had, as little as it was. Despite the dehydration, tears leaked from her eyes. One of the men searching her jerked her roughly. In the moonlight she could make out the blood dripping from the claw marks she had left across his cheek as she had tried to fight them off._

_“Now now,” the leader said, his voice silky, “be easy with the little skittermouse. No need to hurt her.”_

_The other man grumbled under his breath, but his vice like grip loosened. As he finished searching her, the leader grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her up to her knees. He pushed her chin up so she was looking at him. Without any thought she lunged, aiming to bite his hand, but he pulled back and her teeth just snapped together with a painful jolt. She snarled and the man just laughed, teeth flashing in the moonlight, “You are a little scrapper, aren't you? Remind me of a sandcat cub I cornered once. Puffed itself out all big and tough as it growled and screeched.” He chuckled, but she couldn't mistake the admiration as he continued, “You got potential. Keep working at it and you’ll be a hell of a fighter. And you'll need to be. Cute little thing like you, in three or four years, is gonna be a pretty thing. It ain't just what you're carrying that folks like us will be after.”_

_He pulled a bottle of water out, and her eyes narrowed as he spun it open and took a sip. She was so thirsty, and he was going to taunt her?_

_But he only took a sip before spinning the bottle closed and dropping it in the sand in front of her._

_“Live to fight another day, mouse,” he said, affectionately, tapping her nose with a finger before standing and nodding his men away from her. Leaving her alone as they vanished into the desert night._

Her mind snapped back to the present, staring into Kylo Ren’s face. If he had seen any of the memory she had just been in, he didn't show it.

“No,” she answered, and looked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this chapter wasn't too slow moving. This Rey and Kylo are slowly coming together for me and a lot of this is just me sussing out their characters while moving the timeline forward.
> 
> Hugs and kisses for all the comments. I'm glad people seemed to like the start. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it interesting as we move along :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Our time is not limited, Kylo Ren. She is the key to Skywalker now,” Snoke’s eyes narrowed at him. “I agree that the scavenger has been impressive. But my patience is not going to be unlimited, especially not where the map is concerned. The Resistance may not have enough of the map to piece together Skywalker’s location, but we can not assume they will never find the rest.”
> 
> “I will get you the map, Supreme Leader,” he took a breath, trying to keep his agitation from growing. “And I will get the girl’s loyalty. I just need time.”
> 
> “Your will be granted time, but that time is limited,” Snoke glowered down at him. “And if she steps out of line, even once, you will bring her to me and I will extract the map. If there’s anything left of her mind after that, we can decide if she’s worth additional effort or needs to be destroyed.”
> 
> He gritted his teeth, but was careful to keep his aggravation from growing to a level that Snoke would not be able to detect. Not through a hologram at least, “Yes, Supreme Leader. I am grateful for the opportunity.”
> 
> “Do not disappoint me, Kylo Ren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been kind of blocked on Bonded so... hey... new chapter of this fic instead

His footsteps echoed against the metal walls of the large room.

It was the largest room on the ship, two levels high and expansive. And nearly always empty, save for moments like these. Every Star Destroyer had one room to this exact specification. One room to be used for only one purpose.

There were few things he and Hux agreed on, and one was it was a ridiculous waste of space. And all for the Supreme Leader’s vanity. Not that either one of them would allow that thought to slip across their mind when they were anywhere near Snoke, or even near his hologram.

He approached the large dias and waited as the hologram flickered into being. A giant being on a giant throne, meant to intimidate those in front of it. Quite unnecessary, if you would ask his opinion. He had been with Snoke in person many times, and the Supreme Leader was intimidating enough without smoke and mirrors to make him grander.

But, vanity. If Snoke had a weakness, it was his vanity. Not that he’d let that thought out of the little place in the back of his mind that he kept shielded away from Snoke’s probing mental tendrils.

“Kylo Ren,” the voice echoed across the room.

“Supreme Leader,” he bowed his head. His voice sounded strange to him through the vocoder. His new helmet was a perfect replica of the one he had lost on Starkiller, but it had been so long since he’d masked himself again.

“Hux has raised his concerns about your plans for the girl. Especially now, as the medics have deemed her healthy enough to be released.”

“Hux’s concerns are misplaced,” he answered, calmly. “She will be released into my care. I have been making arrangements for her containment that should allow me to continue to progress with her.”

“Your progress so far has been slow, as you yourself have admitted.”

“Purposely slow,” he answered, confidently. “She is wild and untrusting, and very stubborn. If pushed too hard or too fast, she will balk. If I resorted to-- excessive discipline-- in order to gain her obedience, she would obey until she found an opening to extract her revenge, and then she’d turn. And she’d bring down as much of the First Order with her as she could. She won’t break, but she will tame, if you will have the patience to let me continue.”

“Our time is not limited, Kylo Ren. She is the key to Skywalker now,” Snoke’s eyes narrowed at him. “I agree that the scavenger has been impressive. But my patience is not going to be unlimited, especially not where the map is concerned. The Resistance may not have enough of the map to piece together Skywalker’s location, but we can not assume they will never find the rest.”

“I will get you the map, Supreme Leader,” he took a breath, trying to keep his agitation from growing. “And I will get the girl’s loyalty. I just need time.”

“Your will be granted time, but that time is limited,” Snoke glowered down at him. “And if she steps out of line, even once, you will bring her to me and I will extract the map. If there’s anything left of her mind after that, we can decide if she’s worth additional effort or needs to be destroyed.”

He gritted his teeth, but was careful to keep his aggravation from growing to a level that Snoke would not be able to detect. Not through a hologram at least, “Yes, Supreme Leader. I am grateful for the opportunity.”

“Do not disappoint me, Kylo Ren.”

The hologram wavered and then vanished. He exhaled a sigh of relief.

For now at least, he was going to be allowed to continue.

 

* * *

 

For awhile, things had started to take a routine. Eating with Ren, physical therapy, being allowed to be free in the hospital room while Ren hung out, sitting in a chair against the wall. But the last few days there had been a shift, and she had noticed it. Ren was absent for his afternoon visits, and instead the medics sedated her rather than leaving her awake and restrained to the bed. Physical therapy had stopped. She was stronger now, so it made sense that it was no longer necessary.

But it sent her nerves jumping with the implication of what it all meant. That whatever was going to happen next was unknown. When the medics showed up before breakfast and removed her catheter, it only made her anxiety grow worse. She tugged against the restraints, more because it was the only thing she could do to burn some of the nervous energy that was growing in her.

Breakfast was late, and when it came she blinked in surprise to see Ren, fully robed, swoop into the room. Her eyes darted down to linger on the mask he carried under his arm. He set it down on the floor as he sat in the chair next to the bed, eyes resting on her as one of the medics came in, carrying a bundle of black cloth that they put on a shelf before coming over and undoing her restraints.

She turned and glared at Ren, wanting answers but also not wanting to seem weak or afraid by asking. And it wasn’t like she needed to ask them, he’d know exactly what she was thinking.

The corners of his mouth quirked into a smile as he met her glare. He only nodded at her tray of food, “Eat.”

Her nostrils flared but she turned her attention away from him, grabbing the vegmeat and shoving it into her mouth, not bothering to finish chewing the first piece before she shoved in the next. From the corner of her eye she saw Ren’s eyes roll slightly before he looked pointedly away from her, turning his attention to his own tray as he gingerly poked at the food with a utensil.

“What’s going on?” she blurted out the garbled words through a mouthful of half chewed food, nerves getting the better of her and forcing out the question before she could stop herself. Her hand came up to block the food that tried to fly out of her very full mouth when she spoke, shoving it back in.

Ren stared at her with raised eyebrows and a look of horror on his face before he shook his head, “When you’re done eating, there are clothes for you to change into.” He nodded once at the pile of black the medics had brought in.

She frowned as she took a bite of her polystarch stick, adding it to a mouth already half full of partially chewed vegmeat. “Why?”

“Do you _like_ the medical gown?”

A scowl crossed her face, causing her nose to scrunch. She noticed Ren’s lips twitch in amusement for a split second and she huffed, swallowing and taking another bite before answering, “No. But that didn’t answer my question.”

He leaned back, quietly watching her. She hated when he did that. His gaze just always made her want to squirm. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and quiet, “You can go to the ‘fresher, take a shower, and change on your own. Or you can be stubborn and someone else can dress you while you’re unconscious. Feel free to choose whichever option you prefer.”

She growled and he just crossed his arms, she looked away, focusing on finishing the rest of her food. When she was done she shoved the tray out of the way and crossed her arms, glaring at him as he went about picking at his own breakfast with the daintiness she’d gotten used to. Noticing she was finished, he leaned back to grab the pile of clothes from the shelf behind him and throwing them over so they bounced off her chest and landed in her lap.

“Go change.”

It was a command, not request. She glowered at him, not touching the pile of black-- of course, black, everything had to be fucking black-- defiantly. He was not going to tell her what to do.

Ren rolled his eyes as he poked his vegmeat with his utensil, “Is _this_ really what you want to make a stand over? At least choose something you have a _chance_ at winning.”

Her lip curled a moment before she sat up, more angry at the fact that he was right than anything else. She could refuse, but other than knowing she didn’t give in, it wouldn’t change anything. Knocking her out was a regular occurrence. It wasn’t like she could stop them.

Angrily she got up, balling the clothes under her arm. As she went to walk to the room’s small adjacent refresher, her mind wandered to the previous times she’d been able to visit the ‘fresher, trying to think if there was anything she could use as a makeshift weapon.

Ren’s hand snaked out as she went to go by him and caught her wrist, jerking her hard to face him. She hissed angrily, but he just met her eyes with a cold stare, “If you try to act on that thought I’ll know.” Letting her go, he leaned back away from her and picked up the utensil again, not looking at her. For a second she just stood with her teeth bared and her nostrils flaring before turning and heading to the ‘fresher, closing the door behind her.

She took a longer time in the sonic than she needed, mostly because she loathed the idea of putting the fucking clothes on. Doing so seemed as if she was bending to his will. Finally she stepped out, sorting out the wad of black. A sleeveless undershirt, a long sleeved overshirt, long pants… and underthings… that was something fairly novel to her as she looked at the panties and bra. Like the rest of the clothing, they were utilitarian and plain, and black of course.

Slowly she got dressed, fumbling awhile with the bra, which seemed unnecessarily more complicated than breast bands. She was pulled the overshirt on, grateful for the long sleeves. The air on the ship always seemed unnaturally cold.

Taking a breath, she opened the door and walked out, leaning against the doorframe and meeting Ren’s calm gaze with a glare. The corners of his mouth quirked into a small, satisfied smile and she turned her head away, raking her fingers through her hair, working out the worst of the knots.

“Are they so horrible that it was worth the emotional energy you expended trying to resist?” She turned her head and glared at him. He was amused. Fuck him.

“I don’t like them,” she folded her arms across her chest.

“They look more comfortable than the medical gown,” he said, the chair creaking as he stood. Almost instinctively she seemed to lean back away from him. Why the fuck did he have to be so intimidatingly big? He walked slowly towards her and she tried to hold herself straight and ignore the fact that her heart was starting to pound. Stopping in front of her he slowly traced his eyes down her body, “And they even fit… I was worried we wouldn’t have things small enough onboard.”

Her nostrils flared, him calling her small after she was thinking about how intimidatingly big didn’t seem coincidental. “I’m not that small.”

“Technically you’re extra small…” he smirked, “that’s what size those are.” He leaned towards her slightly, making her push back against the wall. She darted her eyes to the side, wondering if she could duck away and get some space away from him. But as soon as the thought flitted across her mind he moved suddenly, slamming an arm on either side of her against the wall, leaning nearly over her.

“You’re doing this to fuck with me. What do you want?” she growled, fighting a wave of panic at being so boxed in.

“Maybe I just want to fuck with you,” he said as her eyes flashed at him angrily. Pulling his body back but leaving his arms still caging her in, his expression softened slightly, “You’re being released into my care.”

“Your _care_. What is that even supposed to mean?” she huffed the words out, trying and failing to keep her nerves from her voice.

He straightened, looking down at her as his expression fell flat and serious, “It means I’m going to be held accountable for your actions. Which means you’re going to be a good girl and behave yourself.”

“Fuck you,” she spat the words at him, her nostrils flaring when his response was to chuckle.

“We’ll have time to go through the rules later,” his voice was infuriatingly calm. “For now, I apologize but it’s going to be easier this way…”

Her eyes narrowed, “Easier what…” she stopped, realizing his hand was lifting up next to her head. A sudden pressure filled her mind and then there was blackness.

 

* * *

 

He caught the girl as she fell, lifting her up and placing her back on the bed while he put his mask back on. Picking her up gently, he cradled her in his arms, striding out of the her room and through isolation bay. The medics glared at the girl as he went. None of them had forgotten Tanis, who was still recovering from the beating she’d given him in her escape attempt. There had been vindictiveness towards her in their behavior. He’d been on alert for the last few weeks to make sure they didn’t step out of line. Most of it was petty, skipping her painkillers, pushing her too hard in physical therapy, and just general rough handling.

In the future he’d keep her away from the medbays except for major wounds that were beyond his ability to treat. It would be safer for her that way. They weren’t about to forget any time soon.

Exiting the isolation bay, he carried her through the halls, paying no mind to glances officers and troopers gave him as they passed. Instead his mind thought back to Takadona, carrying her through his arms through the battlefield. He’d already known then, even if he’d refused to admit it. He’d known from the moment he saw her, really. Their fates were tied together somehow, in someway he didn’t quite yet understand. It had whispered back then through his subconscious-- _this girl is mine--_ and though he’d refused to acknowledge consciously then, he’d still acted on it. He sacrificed the droid for the girl without any hesitation.

The map in her mind had just been the excuse he needed to act. She’d eclipsed nearly everything else that seemed important to him. The map, finding Skywalker and settling, once and for all, the debt between them… that had all fallen to the wayside. Even as he’d tried to push forward and interrogate her for the map, there’d been the constant pull, the constant distraction. Everything he brushed against in her mind seemed to be another connection between the two of them.

She was heavier than she had been, healthier, no longer half starved. But even still she weighed next to nothing. Unconscious she looked gentle, peaceful, a mask that hid the ferocity she contained within. Taming her would not be easy… and it worried him. How much time he’d be allowed wasn’t clear, and for her sake he could only hope it would be enough.

Reaching his quarters he opened the door, carrying her in. Hux had scoffed when he’d worked out the details of what he wanted and what modifications needed to be made. That he insisted that the room she would be secured in was within his own personally quarters had been called ridiculous by the general.

He once again had to make it clear he didn’t give a fuck what Hux thought.

The door slid shut behind him and auto locked. One of the modifications he had added for security. It would take both his biometric data and a passcode to open it again. It would serve as a redundancy in case she broke out of her room when he was not present, and it would allow him to allow her to have the freedom to roam his quarters when he was there.

Heading to a closed door, he had the access panel scan his hand before he entered the passcode. The door slid open to reveal a small room but comfortably furnished room. He gently laid the girl on the bed, pausing a moment to gently brush the hair out of her face.

For now, her world would be him and these rooms. It would be awhile before he would trust her to come with him outside of the confines of his quarters.

The next few weeks would be hard. An endless test of wills that he needed to be able to win. And always win by her making the choice to give in. It wasn’t going to happen without some mental and physical pain, a slow process that would eventually lead her to view him with respect rather than just fear. And in time, maybe something more than respect.

But respect and acceptance of him as her teacher would do to start with.

Smiling behind his mask, he turned and left the room, letting the door close and lock behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a thank you for all the comments and kudos :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a slight buzzing noise and the red light on the donor’s access panel changed to green and flashed. She tensed as the door opened, an unmasked Kylo Ren stepping in and leaning against the door frame.
> 
> “Where am I?” she snapped.
> 
> His lips twitched in amusement, “You're… my guest.”
> 
> She clenched her fists, “That wasn't funny the first time.”
> 
> “You're staying in my quarters. It seems accurate,” he shrugged, walking towards her.
> 
> Peering around him and out the door, the bit she saw did seem to be a living area. Her heart stuttered in her chest, “Your… quarters? My cell is in your quarters?”
> 
> “Your room is in my quarters,” he answered, voice infuriatingly calm. She snorted, her room, that she was locked in.
> 
> She was locked in a room in his fucking dwelling. Like she belonged to him. Like she was his fucking pet .
> 
> “We need to go over the rules.”
> 
> “Fuck you and your rules,” she curled her hands into fists, looking away.

She awoke, blinking in confusion. The lighting was different, the bed was different. Her heart began to pound as she sat up, looking around the dimly lit room.

It was small, furnished with a small desk and task chair, an arm chair, and a dresser. And the bed she was lying in, unrestrained. It was a low platform bed, not huge but certainly bigger than the medbay bed she'd been chained to for Gods knows how long. The sheets and blanket were black.

Slowly she stood, wearily, walking across the room in bare feet. There was a panel on the wall and she tapped it, the lights came up to full brightness. She squinted as her eyes adjusted.

There was a large door, the entryway to the room she guessed. There was an access panel next to it, a small red light across the top. She tapped it, the door remained closed, the red light flashed.

Locked. She wasn't surprised. This was a cell. A nice cell, but a cell all the same.

There was a small door next to the dresser, she walked over and tapped the access panel. It slid open to reveal a small refresher, complete with a small shower stall. To her surprise she realized it was a water shower, not a sonic. A small stack of black towels were on a shelf above the toilet.

A mirror was on the wall next to the small metal sink. She walked over, gripping the edges of the sink as she peered at herself. It surprised her that she didn't look all that different. Her face was a little fuller, her skin was a little paler. Her eyes were hollow and a little haunted.

Padding back into the main room, she opened each of the drawers of the dresser. Clothes, black, the First Order loved the color black, didn't they? They all looked like they would fit her. She peeked at a tag-- extra small-- and bits of her conversation with Ren began to come back to her.

 _His care_. Released into his care. Walking over to the bed she sat down on the edge of it, wondering what this all meant. How much worse was this nightmare going to get?

There was a slight buzzing noise and the red light on the donor’s access panel changed to green and flashed. She tensed as the door opened, an unmasked Kylo Ren stepping in and leaning against the door frame.

“Where am I?” she snapped.

His lips twitched in amusement, “You're… my guest.”

She clenched her fists, “That wasn't funny the first time.”

“You're staying in my quarters. It seems accurate,” he shrugged, walking towards her.

Peering around him and out the door, the bit she saw did seem to be a living area. Her heart stuttered in her chest, “Your… quarters? My cell is in your quarters?”

“Your _room_ is in my quarters,” he answered, voice infuriatingly calm. She snorted, her room, that she was locked in.

She was locked in a room in his fucking dwelling. Like she _belonged_ to him. Like she was his fucking _pet_.

“We need to go over the rules.”

“Fuck you and your rules,” she curled her hands into fists, looking away.

“No.” He crossed his arms as he regarded her, “They’re simple, for now at least. First, you’re going to be in your room and the door locked when I’m not present. Any other time you’ll have access to the rest of the quarters. Anywhere you’re not allowed to go will be locked.” She blinked at him as he continued, “That does mean you go back in your room when I tell you to go into your room.”

When her only response was to grit her teeth he continued, “Second, you don’t attack me unless we’re training and sparring. I’d tell you not to even think about it, but,” he smirked, “I know you, you will be thinking about it. So I’ll let you think about it as long as you don’t act on it.”

“I’m not training with you,” she scowled at him.

He just ignored her, sighing slightly before he spoke again, “Third, you will eat meals with me unless I'm not here.”

Her brow furrowed at him. For the life of her she couldn’t figure out his fascination of eating with her. Especially given the fact he avoided even looking at her when she was doing so. “What happens if I don’t?”

“You hope I’m busy and can’t make mealtimes, because in that case you’ll get a nutrient bar dispensed in your room. Otherwise, you want to eat, you eat with me.” She pulled her knees on to the bed, hugging them and looking down at the floor. “Dinner is in about an hour,” he said, turning his back on her and walking out of the room.

His back to her, the urge to try to take advantage and attack him grew. His head turned to look at her over his shoulders, looking amused more than anything, his eyebrows raised.

Fuck. Fuck this. And fuck him.

The door to her room was left open. She stared out of it, her curiosity pushing her to walk out and her defiant side urging her to stay put, not to give him the satisfaction of exploring the new space. Because she was sure that was what he wanted, and anything he wanted she shouldn’t give him.

Getting to her feet, she went to the ‘fresher, opening the few drawers she noticed built into the wall. They were mostly empty, but she found a brush in one and picked it up, leaving the ‘fresher to pace back and forth past the door as she worked the knots out of her hair. She peered out every time she walked by. Ren was sitting on a couch, reading a datapad, seemingly oblivious to her… but she didn’t believe that. He was monitoring her every move, she was sure of it.

The smell of food finally did draw her out, she found Ren sitting at a table with two place settings. He still had the datapad with him, not looking up as she tentatively walked around the larger living space. She paused to squint at the lock on the main door. Biometric maybe? It didn't look like it would be easy to crack.

An amused short startled her from her thoughts. She looked over at Ren. He was still reading the datapad, but an amused smile quirked across his face. She hissed air through gritted teeth and his shook his head, still not bothering to look up. Instead he gestured at the plate across from him, “Sit. Eat.”

She clenched her fists, part of her wanting to refuse just for the sake of refusing. But her stomach burgled, reminding her that she _was_ hungry. And the food smelled good… different. Slowly she approached the table, casting a cautious glance at Ren. The plate had a pile of vegmeat, along with a small amount of some other things… some narrow green vegetables, a small scoop of something that looked like a paste, and a very small piece of what looked like _real_ meat. She started to reach down from where she stood to pick up the meat, when Ren’s voice spoke firmly, “Don't even think about touching anything on that plate until you're sitting down.”

Jerking her hand back she looked at him, teeth bared. He had looked up from the datapad, his eyes boring into her. She glared back, part of her wanting to grab the plate and run back to her room, shoving as much as she could into her mouth before he could take it away from her.

Instead she jerked the chair back and dropped herself into it with a thud. She glared at him a moment to see if he seemed satisfied before looking down and reaching to her plate again.

His hand shot across the table and snatched her wrist. She let out a startled yelp, trying to jerk her hand back, but he held it firmly. Leaning over the table he used his free hand to grab a utensil from beside the plate and forced it into her hand. “That’s a fork. You're going to use one from now on.”

Releasing her wrist he sat back down, watching her carefully as she stared at the fork and then back to him in utter confusion.

“Why?” she asked, staring at the fork.

He rolled his head back and stared at the ceiling, taking a deep breath before looking at her, “It's impolite to eat with your hands. And more importantly, because I told you to. So use the fork or don't eat.”

She curled her fist around the fork, for a moment thinking about how satisfying it would be to stab the fucking thing into his neck. He leaned back, cocking his head at her, almost daring her to try it. Looking away she stabbed the utensil into the meat, picking up the entire piece and shoving it into her mouth. A groan escaped her, it **was** _real_ meat.

“We’ll transition to non-synthetic food entirely, eventually. It’s too hard on your system to switch entirely at once,” Ren said, pointedly looking away from her as she chewed with her mouth open.

His words drew conflicting emotions. One side of herself recognizing the implication of time, that she and he would be sharing these meals for a long time to come, and it only served to remind her that he was keeping her here against her will. That part of her bared it’s teeth and snarled. The other side, though, went practically weak kneed at the thought of eating real food, of not going hungry again.

Her anger redirected towards herself. She was not going to give herself willingly to whatever servitude these sons of bitches wanted just to keep herself sated. No matter how fucking good this food was. Eventually she’d escape, somehow.

Not that she wasn’t going to eat what she was given… she stabbed the-- fork? Into some of the vegetables, stuffing them into her mouth. They were slightly crunchy and her body practically screamed for more. Dipping the tip of the fork into the paste, she found it creamy and a little sweet, some kind of mashed root vegetable maybe?

When there was only vegmeat left on her plate she felt a little disappointment, not that it stopped her for stabbing the pieces and shoving them quickly into her mouth. She stared down at her empty plate, wanting to pick it up and lick it clean.

“Okay, that you’re going to have to quit even thinking about,” Ren’s voice, slightly incredulous, spoke. She shot her eyes up to glare at him. He looked slightly amused, she scowled at him and dropped the fork onto her plate. She started to get to her feet only to find herself slamming back down into the chair. “You can leave when I’m done.”

She struggled against the invisible hands holding her down, “Let me go!”

“I would if you weren’t going to run as soon as I did so,” he answered, turning his attention back to his datapad as he ate. She fought against the hold until she finally let out an aggravated huff and glared at him. Wishing she was free, that she had her staff, that she could fight him, that she could smash in his smug face.

He looked up from his datapad, eyes dark and with a hard edge to them. Something about the look he was giving her felt so dangerous that her breath seemed to catch. It was cold and calculating and predatory in some way.

“Well, if that’s what you want, to fight me, I can give you the opportunity tomorrow,” his lips twisted into something that might have been a smile.

She blinked, not entirely sure what he meant, but pretty sure it wasn’t going to be good, “I... “ Her mouth shut, he’d been reading her thoughts, what was she going to say, that she didn’t mean it?

“We can spar tomorrow,” he said, dropping his fork to his plate. The hold on her released, “And we’ll see if you can even get close to smashing my smug face in.”

Without another word he got up and grabbed both plates off the table, walking to a small kitchen area and depositing them into a receptacle before picking up his datapad and walking away without another word.

* * *

 

She retreated back to her room… no her cell… for a while, agitated and wanting to put space between herself and him. When the door closed she noted the green light still on the access panel showing the door was unlocked. Green and she was free to leave, red and she was locked in.

Eventually she ventured back out peering around and not seeing Ren anywhere in the main living space. Walking out quietly, she began to take careful note of everything, anything that could be used as a weapon, anything that could help her escape. Because she would figure out a way to escape, somehow, eventually. She refused to accept a life of imprisonment under the _care_ of a monster.

The quarters seemed absurdly big, compared to the shanties in Niima or the makeshift homes like her AT-AT. The main room had a seating area with a table and couch and chairs, the table they’d eaten dinner at with the two chairs, a small kitchen area-- though it didn’t look like it was designed for cooking, instead there was a delivery system for food to be sent to the room and a small sink.

Off the main room, there were smaller rooms. There was an empty room with matted floors-- she could only assume for training. There was a set of doors in the wall of that room, but they were locked, with no apparent way to bypass the locking mechanism. Aside from that room and her cell, there was a large bedroom, Ren’s bedroom. She peered in, not quite daring to cross into his space. There was a door on one side that, judging from the sound of running water, was another ‘fresher.

That answered where Ren was, at least. On the far end of the bedroom there was another door, she had no idea what was behind that one. She backed away from the threshold to his room, instead walking back across to look at the main door and study the lock. It looked far more complicated than any locking mechanism she’d ever encountered before. She was pretty sure it was biometric, so it would only open for Ren, and a passkey was required.

Clenching her fists and letting out an aggravated huff, she walked away from the door, pacing the perimeter of the large room. She paused next to a bookshelf on one wall, looking slightly awed at collection of holos and actual flimsi tomes lining the shelves.

“You’re free to borrow anything on that shelf and take it back to your room, as long as you put it back when done.”

She let out a startled squawk, spinning to see Ren leaning on the door of his bedroom. His hair was still wet from the shower and her wore just a pair of loose black pants. Her eyes almost involuntarily traced over his bare chest and stomach, over the well defined muscle and the smooth skin marred by a web of countless scars, then lingering on the strip of black hair that started below his navel and lead down somewhere below the waistband of his pants.

Heat rushed to her face and she wrenched her eyes back up to look at his face. He must have noticed where she had been looking, the corners of his lips were curled upward and his eyebrows raised. His eyes were smug and amused.

Oh fuck him, the cocky asshole.

His smile widened just slightly.

“I’m not interested,” she answered, finally, glancing at the books and holos. It was a lie, she was curious about what they were… especially the flimsi ones. She’d never seen one before, and many of these looked impossibly old. It was hard not to wonder what they were about.

He shrugged, heading across the room towards the kitchen area, “It’s a better use of your time than pacing about looking for ways to escape that aren’t there.” She flashed her teeth at him in a snarl, watching as he got a glass of water from the kitchen, “And they’re mostly history and lore. Most on Jedi or Sith, but there’s histories of the republic and empire in there as well.” Walking over to the dining table, he set the glass of water down and motioned her towards him, “Come here.”

She crossed her arms, planting her feet, “Why?”

“Because I told you to,” he answered, and a sudden pressure on her back sent her stumbling forward. “And because if you don’t I’ll drag you here anyway.” She grit her teeth, hesitating, and felt tendrils of something wrap around her, jerking her forward another step. He cocked his head, “Remember when I told you before to choose your battles?”

Her nails were biting into the palms of her hands painfully. Slowly she unclenched them, taking a deep breath and a step forward, then another. Continuing until she stood on the other end of the table from him, glaring.

Reaching into his pocket, he brought out a small bottle, opening it and shaking out a pill and holding it out on the palm of his hand towards her, “Medication. You take one of these every night.”

Gritting her teeth together, she glared at his hand, “What is it?”

“Force suppressant. A much milder one than what you were on in the medbay,” he waited, patiently, his hand extended.

“I’m not taking it,” she said, not nearly as confidently as she hoped.

He let out a soft laugh, shaking his head, “You can either take it yourself or have me force it down your throat.”

Her jaw was hurting from how hard she was clamping her teeth together. She reached out and took the pill, looking at it. Ren shoved the glass of water across the table and folded his arms over his bare chest, waiting.

Briefly she thought about throwing it at his face, even if it would serve no purpose other than to piss him off. Instead she grabbed the glass, throwing the pill into her mouth and taking a few gulps to wash it down.

A satisfied smile spread across Ren’s face. In a sudden surge, rage filled her and she threw the half full glass at him as hard as she could. There was a satisfying moment where his eyes widened in surprise before he ducked out of the way, the glass bouncing off the wall behind him with a loud clang.

He looked over his shoulder at the glass before slowly raising his head, black hair framing his face and accenting eyes that were dark and terrifyingly furious. Then he was on her, grabbing each wrist with a bruising grip, shoving her backwards. When she tripped as she tried to stumble backwards as fast as he was pushing her, he held his grip, holding her up by her wrists as he dragged her.

Her back slammed into a wall, for a brief moment she struggled against his hold, but then he let go of her left wrist and slammed his fist into the wall next to her head. She let out a startled cry, flinching and closing her eyes tight as his fist smashed into the wall again and again and again.

Even after he stopped she kept her eyes closed, the only sound she could hear was his heavy breathing and her own heart thudding in her chest. After a few minutes, a hand grasped her chin, the metallic tang of blood filling her nostrils.

“Look at me,” his voice was a low, commanding rumble. She opened her eyes to meet his, dark and still seething despite him seeming to be more under control. Glancing at the hand holding her chin, she saw blood was oozing from his knuckles, dripping down to the floor between them. His grip tightened, “I said look at me.”

She brought her eyes up to his again. He stared into her eyes for what felt like an eternity before he spoke, his voice low but calmer, “What were the rules, Rey?”

“They... “ her voice was something between a whisper and a squeak. For a moment her mind felt blank and she was terrified what he would do if she didn’t answer, but then it came back to her, “Go, go back to my room when told. Eat with you…” she swallowed, “don’t attack you.”

“And what did you do?” his voice rumbled lower again.

“I didn’t mean… I wasn’t…” she babbled, panic growing in her chest as his eyes narrowed, “I was angry I just threw it I didn’t mean it like that.”

Ren cocked his head slightly, “Then you best learn to control yourself, because if you ever do that again I promise you that you will be sorry.” He pushed her chin up, “Understand?”

She nodded. He pulled back slightly, his hand leaving her chin and grasping her shoulder, pushing her into her room and shoving her into it hard enough that she stumbled back into the bed. The door closed, blocking him from her, and the green light on the access panel turned red.

Letting out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding, sitting down on the edge of the bed and closing her eyes.

 

* * *

 

He paced his quarters, still agitated and angry. Angry at the girl, but more angry at himself. Angry for not seeing her loss of control coming. Angry for losing control himself.

His outburst terrified her, which in one way was good. It was a reminder that she didn’t want to fuck with him, a reminder she might have actually needed, as she’d been becoming more obstinate and aggressive in pushing back. But it was going to make it harder to win some kind of trust. Terror would be good enough if he was trying to break her, but he wasn’t. He was trying to tame her, not break her.

Eventually he went into the ‘fresher, running water over his hand and letting it wash away the blood that was still oozing from his knuckles, smearing a bacta salve over it when it was done. Sighing, he laid down in his bed, folding his arms behind his head and staring at the ceiling.

She was going to be a challenge to his nerves and patience.

But in the end it would be worth it. She would be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cohabitation between these two is going to be interesting. 
> 
> XOXOXO for the comments and kudos.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her eyes narrowed at him and he shrugged, “Rules…”
> 
> “Rules?” she snorted in contempt. “The only rule in a fight is to win and get out of it alive.”
> 
> He exhaled an annoyed breath, “We’re not fighting, we’re sparring.”
> 
> “What’s the difference?” she tossed her head, trying to toss the hair out of her face. He needed to give her a hair tie. One, just to let her tie her hair back out of her face. She’d want to go back to tying it into buns, and that was a link back to her old life he had already decided he needed to break.
> 
> “Sparring has rules,” he answered, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “For one, if one of us knocks the other down, we pause until the other gets back up. In the unlikely situation that you do manage to get me down, if you try to strike me while I’m there I’m going to force throw you into that wall hard enough to knock you out.” She glowered at him as he continued, “And this stays clean, no dirty blows, no clawing, no biting.”
> 
> Her nose crinkled slightly in distaste at the limitations, “How is a fight going to be fair when you can freeze me in place or read my mind?”

She hung back at the door of the training room. On edge, he could feel her anxiety pulsing around her as she watched him, warily, not knowing what to expect. He opted to ignore her as he unlocked the storage closet. 

Neither one of them slept well the night before. He had stayed awake, his mind reaching out to brush against hers.. It was probably not the best idea, he was already highly agitated, and her roiling emotions had only served to feed his agitation more. When she stopped pacing she began to look for things she could use as potential weapons, getting frustrated that there wasn’t anything that would be easy to turn into something sharp and concealable. 

As if she could conceal anything from him? He had chuckled darkly to himself. It said something about her though, that her reaction to him terrifying her-- and he had terrified her, her fear even now was clutched around her like a dark shroud-- was to seek a way to be able to defend herself. Defend herself and find a way out. 

When she finally collapsed onto her bed in exhaustion, he had let out a sigh of relief, though it would be another hour or two before his own mind wound down enough for him to sleep.

They both had energy and tension they needed to burn, he thought to himself as he stepped into the storage closet. A sharp intake of breath behind him had him casting a look over his shoulder, taking in her wide eyes at the various weapons stored neatly in the small room. “It’s kept locked, securely locked. Don’t get any ideas,” he said, grabbing two quarterstaffs from the corner before walking out, the door sliding shut and relocking behind him.

He tossed her the staff, watching approvingly as she instinctively weighed the weapon and judged the balance of it, giving it a twirl. She’d adapted quickly during their fight on Starkiller, but it had been painfully obvious that she was fighting with a weapon she didn’t understand. Without even yet seeing her in action it was clear that she understood the weapon that she was now holding, understood it well.

Spinning his own staff, he glanced at her, “Seemed fair to start with a weapon you’re familiar with.”

“How did you know I’m familiar with a staff?” she blurted out without thinking first. A moment later she flushed slightly, looking away, remembering that he’d been in both her memories and her dreams.

“When you fought me on Starkiller, you initially tried to fight with the lightsaber as if it was a quarterstaff,” he answered, ignoring her self-consciousness. “You improved as the fight went on, but it was the wrong way to use that weapon, and put you at an immediate disadvantage.”

Her eyes narrowed at him and he shrugged, “Rules…”

“Rules?” she snorted in contempt. “The only rule in a fight is to win and get out of it alive.”

He exhaled an annoyed breath, “We’re not fighting, we’re sparring.”

“What’s the difference?” she tossed her head, trying to toss the hair out of her face. He needed to give her a hair tie. One, just to let her tie her hair back out of her face. She’d want to go back to tying it into buns, and that was a link back to her old life he had already decided he needed to break. 

“Sparring has rules,” he answered, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “For one, if one of us knocks the other down, we pause until the other gets back up. In the unlikely situation that you do manage to get me down, if you try to strike me while I’m there I’m going to force throw you into that wall hard enough to knock you out.” She glowered at him as he continued, “And this stays clean, no dirty blows, no clawing, no biting.”

Her nose crinkled slightly in distaste at the limitations, “How is a fight going to be fair when you can freeze me in place or read my mind?”

“I won't,” he answered. She furrowed her brow suspiciously and he shook his head, “You'll have to trust me on that.” He raised the staff to a defensive position, waiting for her to make the first move.

She didn't attack immediately, which surprised him. Instead she paced slightly left, then right, staff in one hand and hooked up against her arm. It made her look open and vulnerable, but she wasn't. If he made the mistake of trying to take a shot at her she would be ready to defend herself in an instant. 

Without any warning she lunged, spinning her staff up and swinging hard. He barely got his own staff up in time to block. Nearly immediately she turned and jabbed sharply, forcing him to jump back before moving forward with his own attack. She blocked, but staggered back under the force of his blow. While she was unbalanced he moved, aiming a sharp swing to catch her above her hip. She caught her balance in time and spun out of the way, jabbing the end of the staff forward, catching him in the stomach as he jumped back. Since he was already moving back it wasn’t much of a blow, but enough of one that he’d have to say she made first contact.

He had to admit she was much better than he was expecting her to be. She wasn’t nearly as strong as he was, but she was very fast, and very good at reading her opponent.

They both pulled back, circling one another. She was breathing hard through gritted teeth, eyes sharp with alertness and anger. He nodded his head slightly with respect, “I’m impressed.”

Either she didn’t read the respect he was giving her, or she didn’t care. “I don’t care what you are,” she snarled, darting forward again. This time he was ready, dodging her blow and spinning, sweeping his staff out as he went and catching her sharply on the shins, knocking her feet out from under her. 

Judging by the harsh exhale of breath as she hit the ground, she had went down hard enough to knock the air out of her lungs. He stepped back, holding his staff vertically and resting it on the ground, “Which isn’t to say I don’t think you still have things you can learn.”

Sitting up slowly, she glared at him before grabbing the staff and getting to her feet, holding it ready as she weaved slightly a few steps left and a few steps right. He spun his staff up again, holding it in both hands as he slowly started to circle her. She quickly stepped back, turning with him to keep them facing each other. 

“I can tell you’re self taught, which makes it even more impressive how well you handle yourself…” he started, moving forward with two quick, hard strikes that she blocked but each one knocked her back a small step. She ducked, hitting the ground and rolling, tucking the staff in a way as she went to not let it impede her movement. She struck at his feet as she sat up, forcing him to jump as he turned to face her. He barely had time to jump back to avoid a kick she aimed for his stomach, before raising the staff above her head for hard downward strike. He ducked and dodged, jabbing his staff forward to catch her in the stomach much harder than she’d managed to catch him earlier. Sweeping his leg out, he once again knocked her feet out from under her. “And you are good, very good,” he said, stepping back again, “but with formal training you’d be something outstanding.”

She scrambled to her feet again, glowering, a pink flush to her cheeks, “And you’re the one who should teach me?” Her voice was dripping with contempt and sarcasm. He managed to hold his expression stoic, despite the amused smirk that wanted to spring across his face. The last thing he needed was to encourage her being a disrespectful smartass.

“You have no idea how strong you could be,” he told her as she began to pace and weave again, looking for an opening. 

“I’m strong enough,” she huffed as she attacked. He blocked her, shoving back hard against their locked staffs, forcing her back several steps before he made another offensive. She blocked him, and kicked at his stomach again, forcing him to jump back. Separated, they circled again, as her voice shaking as she spoke, “Strong enough to never need the help of a murderer…”

He felt his own agitation rising at the accusation, “I’m a soldier, not a murderer, and you don’t know me, Rey.” Making another offensive, he hammered blows across her staff, sending her stumbling back into the wall. He pulled back, glaring at her now.

She sucked in a breath, repeating the words she’d spat at him on Starkiller, in what seemed like another lifetime at this point, “You’re a monster. You killed…” Her face scrunched as she fought back emotion, “He was your father?”

Sucking in a breath, he felt his whole body tense, flashing his own teeth now. “A shitty one, but yes.”

In a flash she was at him, hammering blows that he blocked before issuing a restrained kick to her stomach, sending her staggering back. “Why?! Why would you…” she stopped her breath coming in short gasps.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said, his voice flat. “Especially not to you.”

Her eyes flashed as she seethed at him, “He was my  _ friend _ .”

His irritation was growing, and he spit words out before he could stop himself, “Please, you don’t have friends. You’ve never had friends. You barely knew any of them. Solo, the wookie, that fucking traitor of a stormtrooper, you knew them for twelve fucking hours. They weren’t your gods damned friends.”

A short scream left her throat as she charged him. He didn’t even bother to move his staff back up to a defensive position, instead just dodging, catching her by the elbow and giving her a hard push to send her stumbling into the wall. He stepped back, “Now me? Han Solo had my whole life to repeatedly show me what an utter fuck up of a human being he was.”

She pulled herself up, lifting her staff as she glared at him coldly, the fire fading to something icy and vicious. Stalking sideways around him, he pivoted, not letting her flank him. There was something about the way she was moving and holding herself that felt very dangerous.

Her attack was a blur, and he found himself caught slightly off guard as she hammered at him with insane speed. He spun as he tried to dodge, but it wasn’t quite fast enough to avoid a hard blow against his ribs, he hissed, swinging at her hard. She spun, ducking to the ground, sweeping her staff out and catching him at the ankles.

Cursing inwardly he found himself slamming into the ground. It didn’t surprise him at all when the girl jumped to her feet and rushed at him, staff over her head, aiming to do more damage to him while he was down. He would have been justified to use the force, freeze her in place, throw her into the fucking wall like he had said he would before they started-- but she would be convinced at that point she could have beat him if he hadn’t. 

He couldn’t have that. She had to know she would have always lost to him.

As she swung downward he rolled, grabbing her staff and jerking it forward to throw her off balance, using the time that gave him to jump to his feet. He grabbed her arm, twisting it hard and ducking as he flipped her over his shoulder, slamming her into the mats before dropping on top of her, straddling her. He caught her arms by the wrists and pinned them to the floor. She bucked and struggled against him.

“Get off of me!” her voice was low, but it cracked slightly as she spoke.

“You need to learn to follow rules, Rey,” he said, squeezing her wrists a little more harshly than necessary.

She stared up at him, trying to blink back tears that were leaking out of her eyes. “I want to go home…” she whispered. “Please, just let me go home.”

He closed his eyes, letting out a sigh as he shook his head, “No.”

“I need… I need to get back. You don’t understand I need to get back,” her voice broke. “I’ve been gone too long…” A dam broke as she started to sob below him.

The depth of her fear and sadness seemed to fill the room. Still holding her down, he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against hers as he shook his head, “There was never anything for you there beside false hope.” He pulled back as she shook her head hard letting go of her wrists and sitting up. She pulled her hands down and buried her face in them. 

“Look at me, Rey,” he said, leaning over her slightly. She pulled her hand down and looked up at him, her hazel eyes wet. “They were never coming back,” he said, voice gentle.

Her eyes shut as she shook her head, another sob wracking her. He sighed, rolling himself off of her, looking down she curled herself up as she cried. After a minute or two he reached down, slipping his arms under her back and cradling her against him awkwardly. It had been a long time since he had tried to comfort anyone. Tucking her head under his chin, he let her sob into his chest. 

“Whoever they were, they didn’t deserve you anyway,” he murmured. “They didn’t deserve you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey was due to finally break down. She's been living through hell and terror for quite awhile.
> 
> Since in this AU she was captured on Starkiller, she really had no way of knowing past what she overheard on that bridge before Kylo killed Han. Hence that question for confirmation--he was your father? It's something I think she's had a lot of trouble wrapping her mind around, it's just kind of been sitting there.
> 
> Thank you to everyone for all the great comments you've left on this. :) Love you all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“The Empire spent thirty years twisting the opinion of the populace against force users. Geryon especially has prejudice, Vader himself was stationed here a time,” the man answered, not bothering to look back. “Lightsider, darksider… most were not aware of the difference… they viewed any force user as a Jedi.”_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _His curiosity piqued at Vader's name, but he knew to ask anything on that subject would only raise Luke’s ire. “We have risked our lives for them more than once now, Uncle,” he said, feeling resentment twinge in his chest. “And for what? To be treated with suspicion and resentment?”_
> 
>  
> 
> _The man stopped and turned, pushing his hood back to reveal the greying blond hair and beard, blue eyes sharp and bright, “We should expect nothing but safe passage. Aid is offered because aid is needed, that is our way. That is our path.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _Two men swept wide around them, cold eyes glaring with suspicion. As they passed, one of them muttered to the other, “only good jedi is a dead one.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _He flicked his eyes from the men back to his uncle, raising his eyebrows._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was coming easiest right now so here's another update. I do need to get back to Bonded next. Snare I'm working out how the shit is going to go down on Starkiller and might be a little longer till I get that all sussed out.

_“They don't like us,” he said, speaking to the man in front of him… or rather to that man’s back, eyes on the back of the raised hood of his robe. The market was crowded and busy, leaving him to feel strangely vulnerable in the constant stream of faces passing by them._

_“The Empire spent thirty years twisting the opinion of the populace against force users. Geryon especially has prejudice, Vader himself was stationed here a time,” the man answered, not bothering to look back. “Lightsider, darksider… most were not aware of the difference… they viewed any force user as a Jedi.”_

_His curiosity piqued at Vader's name, but he knew to ask anything on that subject would only raise Luke’s ire. “We have risked our lives for them more than once now, Uncle,” he said, feeling resentment twinge in his chest. “And for what? To be treated with suspicion and resentment?”_

_The man stopped and turned, pushing his hood back to reveal the greying blond hair and beard, blue eyes sharp and bright, “We should expect nothing but safe passage. Aid is offered because aid is needed, that is our way. That is our path.”_

_Two men swept wide around them, cold eyes glaring with suspicion. As they passed, one of them muttered to the other, “only good jedi is a dead one.”_

_He flicked his eyes from the men back to his uncle, raising his eyebrows. Luke just sighed, “Trust is earned, Ben. In time, they will learn not to fear us. If they wish to curse us now, let them. As long as they do us no harm, we shall treat them kindly.”_

_“Maybe for some a firmer hand is needed to make them see the truth from their prejudice.”_

_Luke narrowed his eyes, “A firmer hand may gain you fear, but it will earn you neither trust nor respect.”_

_He shouldn't push, but his stubbornness overruled his good sense, “People respected the Empire.”_

_“No,” Luke’s lips tightened into a thin line. “They offered the facade of respect because they feared it. This is a dangerous way of thinking, Ben. A very dangerous way of thinking.” He sighed, “I expect you to meditate on what the differences mean tonight, padawan. And on what it truly means to earn trust.”_

_He looked away, exhaling out his growing irritation, “As you wish, master.”_

_Luke turned, leading them once again through the crowded street, “It takes time, but with trust comes respect. With trust comes loyalty. Fear will never get you any of those things, Ben.”_

“Ren?”

He blinked back to the present, looking up to see Hux through his mask’s visor. The general was looking at him, annoyed.

“Yes?” he answered after a moment, enjoying the look of growing annoyance on Hux’s face at the delayed response.

“Do you have any thoughts or input at all on the plan?” Hux asked. The expression on the general’s face seeming to ask if he intended to be useful for anything.

Looking down at the holo-projection of the Illenium system for the first time, taking in the battle and invasion plan for D’Qar with a growing uneasiness. Taking out the primary Resistance base would likely sate Snoke’s impatience, it would by him more time with the girl- time needed to build trust and respect. He should want this attack. But…

He shook his head, forcing himself to study the plan before shrugging, “Double the forces and the fleet. You're underestimating them.” Underestimating _her_.

Hux’s face curled into a sneer, “I think you are overestimating the ability and firepower of that rabble. Without the Republic to back them up, they are nothing.”

Cocking his head, “Feel free to ignore my advice, just make note of my suggestion so when the primary objective fails, Supreme Leader knows it was due to your choices.”

He looked back down at the holo-projection. Feeling ill at ease and agitated, hoping Hux would refuse his advice. Let him underestimate her. Let her escape.

It was weakness, that he allowed his emotions to have a hold on him like this. She had failed him, just as his father had. She and his uncle had lied to him, hid the truth from him. She should mean nothing, not anymore.

And yet…

“I shall bring up your reservations with the Supreme Leader when he reviews the battle plan.” Hux muttered.

He inclined his head in acknowledgement, willing to leave it at that. If Hux or Snoke wanted to underestimate Organa, he wasn't going to stop them.

After a moment of tense silence, the meeting resumed, talking now of mundane things such as ship assignments and troop movements. He tuned out the droning voices, thinking about the girl.

She'd cried herself to sleep in his arms as they sat on his training room floor. Awkward, uncomfortable, and something that felt incredibly alien to him, to hold someone close as their sadness ebbed around him like dark smoke. It was a lifetime ago the last time he had held anyone that close to him. Since he’d drowned in another’s emotions, absorbing them as his own. It had left him irrationally angry for her. If he knew where her family or whoever the fuck had abandoned her was right now he would find them and strike them down for the pain they caused her.

He’d picked her up and carried her to her bed after she fell asleep. She was still sleeping when he had to leave for this meeting. He was still on light duty, but that meant he still had duties now to perform. In a few more weeks he’d be splitting a lot of his time between work and the girl. Being away from her for eight hour shifts, or days if he was sent on missions, was not going to make the task any easier.

Trust takes time to build, and time was not in limitless supply. But if he wanted her respect and her loyalty, he needed her trust first. Luke may have been wrong about a many things, but he had been right about that. Even if he failed to understand that not everyone was worth the effort. For anything that needed to be earned, trust, respect, loyalty, love, some people weren’t worth the exertion and exhaustion to try and get it.

After what felt like an eternity, the meeting adjourned. He clambered to his feet, turning to leave, when Hux spoke snidely behind him, “In a rush to get back to your little pet, Ren?”

Two of the officers who had been talking quietly to one another as they packed up their datapads went silent, glancing at one another before darting their eyes between the him and the general.

Gritting his teeth, he turned, somehow managing not to force choke the smarmy bastard. He cocked his head just slightly as he glared at Hux through his mask, his voice ominous through the vocoder, “There is a line that you do not want to step over, General. I suggest you do not push your luck.”

Turning on his heels, he left the room, heading back to his quarters.

 

* * *

 

She woke up disoriented with a pounding headache, her body aching. Sitting up slowly on the bed and glancing around the room, she tried to remember how she got there but couldn't. The last thing she could recall was breaking down and sobbing uncontrollably. Crying as Ren’s arms cradled her gently.

Heat rose to her face with the memory. It was unacceptable to have shown that kind of weakness with her enemy, but her embarrassment at falling apart only seemed to feed a growing apathy. A part of her that didn’t want to fight, didn’t want to do anything at all other than curl up in a ball on the bed and do nothing.

It wasn’t like her. She wasn’t someone who wallowed in her own self pity. If she had been she would have died years ago. The red access light on the door just encouraged her to stay in bed, she was locked in, what was the point of fighting this feeling of numbness that was settling over her?

Sometime later, when the light changed back to green, she still couldn’t seem to find any reason to get up. And when the door opened, she refused to look at him as he stood in the doorway, watching her for a few minutes before letting out a sigh and walking away, leaving the door open. He didn’t stay away long, she heard his steps as he came into the room, walking around her bed and setting something on the desk before sitting in the chair next to it. She pulled her face out of pillow to squint at what he’d put on the desk. It looked like an insulated bottle and some cups… maybe a plate. Watching him wearily without sitting up, he opened the bottle and a fragrant deep scent seemed to fill the room.

“Tea?” he asked, pouring a dark liquid from the bottle into one of the cups.

Her nose crinkled, there were medicinal teas on Jakku, none of which smelled anything like whatever he was pouring, “Why?”

“Why what?” He didn’t look up, he had a small bowl of-- sugar? He added a spoonful to his cup, stirring it.

“What’s it for?” she found some strength to push herself up slightly.

He squinted at her quizzically, “It’s to drink.” Pulling a small knife out of his pocket, he cut a yellow fruit he had on a plate into sections. It added a sharp, acidic scent to mingle with the fragrant one, “Though we have to make do taking it the Corellian way. Milk isn’t a staple we keep on board Star Destroyers.”

She sat up, shaking her head in confusion, “Teas are drunk for a reason-- to heal or…” she trailed off. There were teas to help keep someone from getting pregnant and there were teas to make you not pregnant, but those seemed awkward to mention.

A small chuckle escaped his throat, “This is just for drinking, it’s not medicine.” He squeezed a wedge of the fruit so the juice ran into the cup, then dropped the piece in and stirred. “Though my mother might have argued against that. She would say a good cup of tea was good for healing the soul.” Her brow furrowed at the mention of his mother, curiosity piquing almost against her will. He held out the metal cup to her. For a moment she just stared at it before glancing back up at Ren, who just watched her with a calm, almost blank expression. Reaching out she took the cup, holding it between her hands and staring down at it.

Ren poured another glass, fixing it the same way with the sugar and the yellow fruit. As was stirring it he glanced at her watching him, just holding the glass, and shook his head, “If I was going to drug you I would be a lot more straightforward about it.”

She shrugged. It was probably true, but she intended to wait for him to drink his. Breathing in the steam coming from it, she had to admit it smelled good. “What’s the Corellian way?” she asked, watching him take a sip of his before lifting the cup to her lips. It was bitter and floral and sweet and tart all at the same time, and the warmth of it seemed to fill her. It was strangely soothing.

“Corellian’s drink Manillian Jasper tea with sugar and a squeeze of lemon. The Alderaanian way was to use sugar and a splash of milk,” he answered, his dark eyes resting on her.

Han Solo was Corellian, she knew that. Turning her cup in her hands, not looking at him as she spoke, “Was your mother Alderaanian then?”

There was a pause, she looked up to find his expression strangely blank, “Yes.”

“Wasn’t...” her voice trailed off. There were plenty of stories and lore about the days of the Empire and the rebellion. The first Death Star, before the rebels managed to destroy it, had destroyed Alderaan. “Alderaan was destroyed by the Empire?”

“Yes,” again there was a long pause, “for disobedience and aiding the rebels. She was one of the survivors who were off world at the time.”

“What about her family? Did they survive?”

“Not her Alderaanian family,” she frowned at him, not quite sure what he meant. He sighed, “It’s a little bit complicated.”

“How so?” she pushed, sipping the warm liquid and wondering why she felt so curious about his family. Maybe because she felt connected to Han? It was strange. She was sitting here making idle conversation with her kidnapper and captor. With her enemy.

“She was adopted. Her adoptive family were all lost on Alderaan,” his expression darkened, “but she had a twin brother, she found that out later.”

“Is she still alive?”

The room fell uncomfortably quiet, emotion draining from his face. His voice was flat and dead when he finally spoke, “It doesn’t matter, she’s dead to me.”

Shaking her head, she looked at him in confusion, “What does that mean?”

“That it doesn’t matter,” his voice had a cold edge to it. He paused, “Do you remember your family at all?”

Her hand tightened around her cup, “What kind of question is that?”

“A fairly straight forward one,” his eyes once again seemed to be studying her. “I know you were left quite young, and that you were convinced they were coming back. Why were you so sure?”

She narrowed her eyes at him, “Because they were going to. He told me…”

“Who’s he?” Ren leaned forward slightly.

“I don’t…” she looked away, “I don’t remember. But I remember his voice. I remember him telling me he would come back. When he left me, he said he would come back.”

 _I’ll come back for you, sweetheart…_ the voice spoke in her head and she closed her eyes. When she opened them she found herself looking directly at Ren, whose expression could only be described as _pity_. Anger flared in her and she just barely managed to restrain herself from flinging the cup at his head.

She had learned her lesson on that. The last thing she wanted to do was enrage him.

“They _were_ coming _back_. I wasn’t abandoned,” she said through gritted teeth.

He shook his head so slightly it was barely noticeable, “Whatever their intentions they failed you.”

Her nostrils flared, “They did not. Whatever happened they left me there to protect me.”

Reaching over he pulled the mostly empty cup from her hand and placed it on the desk, “Yes, because nothing bad happened to you during those years on Jakku. You didn’t come close to dying more times than you can remember.”

“Go fuck yourself,” she growled, refusing to acknowledge his words. She couldn’t think that way. She wouldn’t.

Ren smiled and she clenched her fists, “Still in denial, but at least you’ve got some of your fire coming back.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she grumbled as she glared at him.

Once again he just shook his head slightly before bringing his cup to his lips, “I’d rather see you making things harder than they need to be than see the spark go out in you.”

She snorted and he sighed softly, “All I want is for you to let me teach you, is that really so bad?”

“You want to break me,” she glowered at him. “I will not become your slave.”

“I don’t have any use for a slave,” he set his own cup down. “What I could use is an ally.” When she laughed at the utter absurdity that she would ever ally with him, he just shrugged, “And in time maybe a friend.”

“You’re keeping me prisoner,” contempt edged her voice. He actually sounded like he meant it, that he thought she might eventually-- what even? She couldn’t even wrap her mind around it.

“I’m keeping you safe,” he stood up, gathering his things off the desk. “I know you don’t understand, but I _am_ protecting you.”

“I can protect myself,” she tried and failed to sound confident, and cursed the nervous edge to her voice that gave away her anxiety.

“Not from this, Rey. Not from the First Order. Not from _him_.”

“Him?”

Ren just shook his head, walking to the door before glancing back, “Dinner’s in a few hours. If you want to stay in here till then, fine, but you will come out to eat or I’ll drag you out.”

Her mouth opened but he was already walking away towards the kitchen. She sat a few moments, fuming. Let him come and drag her out, she’d leave a few marks on him in the process. Getting up she slapped her hand on the access panel to close the door before pacing, agitated. At least the numb, exhausted feeling was gone, even if it had been replaced by this roiling, anxious energy.

Had he upset her on purpose to break her out of the haze she had been in? She stopped, pondering this, not sure what it meant besides that she needed to be more aware if he was trying to manipulate her emotions.

Shaking her head to clear her mind, she looked over at the ‘fresher door. She hadn’t used the shower yet, the water unit seemed overly indulgent, like accepting a gift from her captor. It seemed inviting. A real bath on Jakku was a rare thing. A shower, even a sonic, was even rarer. Shooting a glance at the closed door to her room, she sighed and stepped into the ‘fresher, closing the door behind her. There was no way to lock it, which made her feel vulnerable as she stripped off the ridiculous black garb she was being given to wear.

The hot water spraying on her washed that feeling away along with an amazing amount of tension. Water swirled at her feet in a small pool as it went down the drain, she watched it, knowing on a ship like this all water was recaptured, filtered and purified, or she would have felt guilty for being so wasteful.

But it was wonderful, she had to admit it was wonderful. Leaning her head against the black tiles, she decided to just let herself stand there and enjoy it, at least for a little while.

 

* * *

 

A small smile played across his face as he felt her enjoying the shower.

He regretted mentioning his mother as soon as he realized the girl had caught onto that thread and was refusing to let it go. With the impending attack and invasion of D’Qar likely only a few weeks away, the last thing he needed was to have her more on his mind. It was a weakness the Supreme Leader would likely pick up on if he did. Snoke had been unhappy with his emotional state in the aftermath of Starkiller, with the grief and regret with his fa-- with Han Solo’s death. It was weakness, he had been scolded, that was preventing him from accepting the power and freedom the act had promised him.

Letting go of family was always easier said than done, he supposed, his eyes darting to the closed door of the girl’s room. It would still be a long time before she could come to terms with the reality of the injustice that was done to her. Before she could let go.

Closing his eyes, he leaned back, his mind drifting.

_“You’re upset.”_

_He looked up from his datapad from the table in the small room. It was practically a closet, just enough room for a small table against one wall and a set of bunkbeds against the other. He sat on a uncomfortable stool while his uncle sat cross legged on the floor a few feet away._

_“I’m fine,” he said, looking away._

_“Your emotions are a mess, Ben. You’ve learned not to act on them, but you need to learn to control them better,” blue eyes bore into him. Luke nodded towards the datapad, “Are you writing your mother?”_

_Closing his eyes, he blurted out the words before he could stop himself, “She hasn’t wrote back in months.”_

_Luke sighed, “She’s a very busy woman with important work. I’m sure your letters make her happy, and isn’t that what’s most important?”_

_He said nothing, knowing Luke would only reprimand him, but in his mind he could only brood on the question of why it was so wrong to want reciprocation for his effort to maintain contact and some kind of relationship him. He wrote her dutifully and she wrote him when she could spare time to think about him. How was that fair?_

_“I can sense your resentment. That emotion is one of the pathways to the dark, Ben. Come, meditate. You need to release these feelings that are weighing on you.”_

_Slipping off the stool he joined his uncle on the floor, cross legged, “I’d like to see her again. It’s been ten years… I was barely thirteen the last time…”_

_His uncle seemed to withdraw slightly, “There is much work for us to do as well. In time, I’m sure you’ll see her again.”_

_Suspicion rose in him out of nowhere, opening his eyes, he looked into his uncle’s blue ones, his own eyes narrowing, “Why don’t you want me to see her?”_

_Luke’s eyes narrowed back, his voice sharp, “You will be silent and meditate, padawan.”_

_“Yes, master,” he couldn’t keep a slight edge out of his voice and he saw the corners of Luke’s mouth dip down as his eyes closed and he tried to clear his mind. His uncle was angry at him. Luke’s anger was a slow, quiet thing, but it was still there. A smoldering coal of heat among the ice of the Jedi’s emotions._

_At this moment of time, he couldn’t quite bring himself to care._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's nothing in canon that says there's different ways Corellians and Alderannians took tea. I just liked the idea in my head that it was something Leia might have teased Han about, and he'd gruffly have said he preferred caf anyway.
> 
> I also have this headcanon that Leia drank a lot of tea. I don't know why, but she seems the type. 
> 
> XOXOXO for all the comments. You guys are great.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seemed very empty, and not just because the furniture, though larger, didn’t seem to be enough to really fill the space. There were very few things in here, and everything that was there was impersonal and utilitarian. Each and every item placed meticulously and neatly where it was meant to be. In her little home that she’d made in the fallen AT-AT in the Badlands, things had been packed in and stored haphazardly. She had known where everything was, exactly where everything was, but there was little order to it. And even though it had been filled with the items she hoarded and stored, there had been things there that she had kept just for herself. Silly things, maybe, her doll, plants she’d found and done her best to nurture, the rebel pilot’s helmet… just things that had some meaning to her so she kept them.
> 
> Ren had nothing, not a single item, that seemed to have any kind of sentimentality attached. Nothing that was kept just for the sake of keeping. The living space was entirely impersonal.
> 
> It made it feel strange and desolate, in a way.

He seemed content the next few days not to push her as long as she followed his rules. Aside from coming out to eat, she spent her time in her room and avoiding Ren. Pacing, showering, sleeping… searching the room again for anything that she could use to her advantage and getting frustrated when there was nothing. She did manage to loosen a single, tiny screw out of the desk. It was too small to use as a weapon, but the sharp point worked to scratch marks into the wall, hidden behind her bed’s headboard. Something about marking the days made her feel more grounded.

She was bored though, bored and filled with an anxious energy that seemed to sizzle through her nerves. Her mind drifted to the bookcase she’d looked at on her first day trapped in Ren’s quarters. The thought of digging through the books and holos was appealing. It would give her mind something else to focus on other than her imprisonment and her continuing failures at finding some way to escape.

But it was also something he’d explicitly offered to her, which made her immediately balk at the idea. It didn’t seem like much, but she was already becoming too comfortable with some of the things he offered-- her bed, the shower, the food. She may be no one, just a scavenger from nowhere, but she wasn’t stupid. Everything she took that he gave her had a hidden cost, a tiny sliver of herself that she was giving to him in her acquiescence.

After another hour of laying on the bed with her mind whirling, she finally got up, eying the green light on the door as she paced by it a few times. Finally, gathering her nerve she opened the door, scanning the room and venturing out when she saw no sign of Ren. She wandered the edge of the room, taking mental notes of the space again, trying to find any weaknesses in her prison.

The training room door was open, she could hear Ren in there. She skirted widely around the room, hoping to avoid being seen. It might be futile-- he seemed to be able to know where she was without having to see her-- but she couldn’t help but try. For two days she’d managed to avoid seeing him except for meals and the pill he watched her take every night. If possible she wanted to keep it that way.

She stopped next to the open door of his bedroom. It was a threshold she had been too wary to cross the last time she'd looked over the rooms-- it felt too much like she would be violating his territory. But that left it one of the only places she hadn’t looked over, which meant there could be something in there that would help her find a way out, or at least have a way to defend herself if Ren had another outburst like that first night.

He hadn’t told her she couldn’t go in, either… no, if she remembered right he’d even said anywhere she wasn’t allowed to go would be locked. Glancing over her shoulder towards the training room, half expecting to find Ren smirking in the doorway at her, she took a breath and stepped into his bedroom. Taking a furtive look around, she walked in further, following the perimeter of the room. It was large, the predominant colors dark grey and black, a row of viewports lined the far wall, showing the expanse of distant stars and the black of empty space. While the furniture also might be a bit larger, there really wasn’t much more than she had in the room she’d been given. A large but very utilitarian desk, mostly empty aside for a holobook and a few datapads that were stacked impeccably neatly, a desk chair. A large dresser that was taller than she was by at least a few inches. A few small tables. A ridiculously large bed, swathed in neatly in black, the blankets and sheets smoothed without a wrinkle and with the ends tucked under the edges of the mattress. The bed in her room had been done up similarly when she had awoken on it, aside from a bit more wrinkled from her having laid upon it. She’d found it strange, and hers hadn’t looked like that since the first night that she pulled the blanket and sheets off so she could burrow under them.

It seemed very empty, and not just because the furniture, though larger, didn’t seem to be enough to really fill the space. There were very few _things_ in here, and everything that was there was impersonal and utilitarian. Each and every item placed meticulously and neatly where it was meant to be. In her little home that she’d made in the fallen AT-AT in the Badlands, things had been packed in and stored haphazardly. She had known where everything was, exactly where everything was, but there was little order to it. And even though it had been filled with the items she hoarded and stored, there had been things there that she had kept just for herself. Silly things, maybe, her doll, plants she’d found and done her best to nurture, the rebel pilot’s helmet… just things that had some meaning to her so she kept them.

Ren had nothing, not a single item, that seemed to have any kind of sentimentality attached. Nothing that was kept just for the sake of keeping. The living space was entirely impersonal.

It made it feel strange and desolate, in a way.

She shook her head, wandering slowly past the dresser, opening a drawer to find black shirts, each one folded identically and neatly organize. The desk-- the drawer she opened on that one was empty. There was a closed door on the wall just past the desk. She tapped the access panel, but it just buzzed at her. Locked.

For a moment she stared at it, wondering what Ren was hiding behind it. Other than the storage closet in the training room, nothing else in his quarters were locked. She huffed, annoyed, before continuing to follow the perimeter. She reached the far wall and walked along the viewports, gazing out at the expanse of space. Nothing that she could see helped her figure out where exactly the ship was at the moment.

Not that it really would make much difference, she supposed. Wherever they were they might not be in a few hours.

She turned and paused to look down at the bed. It was a simple platform and mattress, but she was fairly sure you could fit five or six of her on it. You could probably have fit three men of Ren’s size on it. It was puzzling why anyone would want a sleeping space that large.

Walking back across the room, she stopped and peered into the ‘fresher. It was large, a wide sink and counter, mirror and cabinets on the wall. She slipped inside. Unlike the ‘fresher in her room, which had a simple shower stall, this had a large bathtub and shower. The bath looked deep enough that she could stretch out and keep herself fully submerged in it. Bottles dotted a small shelf along the wall of the tub, soaps and other things, she’d found some similar but she suspected more basic items in her own stall.

Sighing, she tried a few drawers. Bacta patches and bacta salve. Another had a hair brush and a few other small items, nothing that would be a weapon. She tried another and found it locked. Frowning, she glared at it, as if staring angrily would intimidate it into spilling the secrets of what it contained.

“Treasure hunting?”

She let out a startled squeak, spinning and pushing herself back against the wall. Ren stood in the doorway to the ‘fresher, the black short sleeved shirt he wore was soaked with sweat, his hair damp with it. He raised his eyebrows at her, looking very amused, his bottom lip between his teeth and she felt a wave of fury at the fact that he was trying not to laugh out loud at her. Her fists clenched and she closed her eyes, taking several deep breaths before calming down enough to speak, “I was just looking around. You said I could go anywhere that wasn’t locked.”

“I did,” he agreed, his eyes slipped down from her face a second, tracing down her body before darting back to her face, his voice casual and a bit condescending, “and while your search for weapons is ridiculously futile, I’m not about to stop you.”

“I…” she started, ready to lie and deny about what she was doing and what she was looking for, and then bit her bottom lip. A denial could anger him, or it could amuse him more, either way, it was a pointless waste of time and energy. At least with him, anyway.

As if in agreement, one side of his mouth curved upward in a smile. She glared at him and then glanced at the locked drawer, “Why’s that locked?”

He smirked, not answering right away. Instead he pulled his sweaty shirt off, ignoring her as her eyes widened and she pushed against the wall again. Balling it in his hand, he tossed it into a receptacle in the wall. The light sheen of sweat on his skin just seemed to act to better define the toned muscles of his chest and stomach. She flushed as he looked at her again, answering the question she’d nearly forgotten she’d asked, “So you can’t open it.”

She swallowed, “Why?”

“Because my razors are in there and I don’t think you’re safe to allow near sharp objects yet,” he chuckled. She glowered at him, glancing at the drawer again one last time before she looked past him into the room.

“What about the locked door?”

He shook his head. It might just have been her imagination, but he looked slightly more solemn, “That’s a private space. Nothing in there matters to you.”

Her eyes narrowed, she could decide for herself what she thought mattered. He walked towards her before turning and sitting, using the toilet with the cover down as a chair. She shifted along the wall away from him.

“While I’m glad you’ve decided to quit hiding in your room like a frightened brush mouse in its den, and while you’re welcome to wander into my room any time you want and into my ‘fresher any time you want… or even to use the bath and shower in here if you want, I really don’t care,” an angry squawk left her throat as she took offense at him saying she was _hiding_ in her room. He ignored her reaction, pulling his socks off and throwing them into the same receptacle his shirt had been tossed into, “But I am about to take a shower, so you might want to leave…” She blinked a moment and then heat rose to her cheeks, his eyes flicked up at her and he snorted, “You can stay if you like, but I’m not sure if you could take blushing any more without passing out.”

“I’m not blushing,” she mumbled, backing towards the ‘fresher door.

“Whatever you say, little one,” he said with a soft laugh as she back out the door, catching a glimpse of him pulling off his pants of the black briefs he wore under them.

Whirling around, she hurried out of his room, and didn’t stop till she was back in hers, with the door shut.

 

* * *

 

She didn’t come out again till dinner.

The food had been a variety so far, and the proportion of real food to synthetics kept increasing. It would be a lie to say she didn’t look forward to her meals, even if it did mean she had to sit at a table with Ren.

Ren wasn’t eating, instead he watched her carefully as she sat down. She glared at him suspiciously before she grabbed her fork and began to stab the items on her plate, shoving one thing after the other in her mouth. Her focus was entirely on the plate in front of her, so she never saw Ren’s hand coming as it shot across the table and caught the wrist of the hand she was holding her fork in.

Whatever panicked noise she was trying to make turned into a choking sound through her very full mouth. Instinctively, she hunched forward over the plate, her free hand gripping the edge of it protectively. Ren’s eyes just regarded her sternly, “Slow down. When you put something in your mouth, chew it, swallow it, _then_ you can take more.”

Her nose crinkled in confusion, making her already bulging cheeks seem to get even bigger, “Why?” she asked, or rather, tried to ask. What came out, along with half chewed bits of her meal, wasn’t entirely intelligible.

Ren’s grip tightened and his eyes closed, taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes, looking at her again, “ _Swallow before you talk_.”

She attempted to swallow what was already in her mouth, nearly choking on it. Coughing several times, she caught her breath and glared at him, “WHY?”

He let out an exasperated noise and let her wrist go, leaning back and rubbing both hands down his face, “You could have finished chewing the food before swallowing it.” She furrowed her brow at him and he shook his head, “Just… slow down.”

“Why does it matter?” she snapped, one hand still gripping the edge of her plate, the other curled tightly around the fork, holding it more like a weapon.

“Rey,” he took another deep breath, shaking his head and falling quiet before speaking again. “You eat like a starving feral ack dog. I have a fairly high tolerance to revolting things, but watching you eat is nearly unbearable.”

She sat back, not really sure what an ack dog was but knowing an insult when she heard it, she glowered at him, her nostrils flaring, “Then don’t fucking eat with me. It’s not like I’m the one who wants to eat with you.”

Raising his eyebrows, his eyes flashed slightly with irritation, but then they flicked down to look at her leaning protectively over her plate, her empty hand still gripping the edge of it tightly. They softened as he looked down at the table, giving a small shake of his head, “No one’s going to take it away from you.”

Her brow furrowed, confused, and he sighed, “Just eat slower. It’s your meal. No one is going to take it away.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently my Ren in this story is a little OCD, judging from his room. And aside from grandpa's melted helmet which might just be behind that locked door, he's got nothing in his living space that really matters at all to him personally. I agree with Rey, there's something very desolate about a room lacking any kind of personal touch, especially if it's a room someone lives in.
> 
> As a grown ass adult who doesn't understand the point of making a bed, I have to believe Rey wouldn't get it either. I kind of see her as turning any blankets almost into a little burrow for her to nest under.
> 
> Hugs and kisses for comments and kudos. Love you guys.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey stiffened, for a moment not even breathing, flicking her wide eyes to look at his reflection in the bathroom’s mirror. He took a deep breath, raking a hand through his hair and getting himself back under control. Holding up the screw, he looked at her reflection in the mirror, “What did you even think you’d do with this?” She looked away from his reflection, looking down at her hands again, and he felt his temper threatening to slip out of his grasp again, “Answer me, Rey.”
> 
> “I- I don’t know,” she muttered.
> 
> “You don’t know? You ripped your fingers to shit for I don’t fucking know?”
> 
> She flinched and said nothing, pulling her hand from the water and turning the sink off. He leaned around her and opened the drawer with his medical supplies, pulling out a tube of bacta salve, and scooting over slightly so there was space next to him, “Come here and sit down.”
> 
> Eying him warily, she came over and sat down, looking away as soon as she did. He picked her hand up, studying her shredded fingertips and shaking his head. Letting out a breath, he started to gently apply the salve.

“We built it to your specifications,” the engineer said, shadowing nervously a step behind him as he circled the fighter, inspecting it. “Weaponry includes both laser cannons and missile launchers.”

“And the engines?” his voice rumbled through the vocoder as he paused to inspect the outer vents.

“Exactly as your design specified, sir,” the engineer responded, quickly. “There were some concerns about the fuel ratio and injection model you wanted but--” the engineer swallowed nervously as he turned, cocking his head to look at the man through his mask’s visor, “but we still implemented your design _exactly_ , sir.”

“Good.” He stepped back admiring the new sleek look of the ship. The design was a combination of different architectures, including some tricks he’d learned from… from the Millennium Falcon’s engine designs and modifications. For the weeks he spent in the medbay bed healing, aside from the girl, this ship design had been his main focus. Something to keep his mind busy and his frustration at bay.

And the end result was now here in front of him, and she was beautiful. Beautiful and deadly and fast, and ready to hunt down his prey. Resistance prey.

He ran his gloved fingers across the sleek surface, wishing he could take her out now for a test run. They’d do a full barrage of speed and maneuverability tests, and he suspected they would break a few records when they did.

But that would have to wait. He had at least a week before he was going to be cleared for active duty again, and he wasn’t going to be allowed to pilot anything before then. At least he didn’t have any more meetings this week, it would give him time to focus on the girl before he did go back to full duty and had far less time to work with her. They’d reached a plateau in their current relationship, with her hiding in her room from him or slinking about when he wasn’t around, only interacting with him during the meals because she had to if she wanted to eat.

His pressuring her on meal etiquette probably hadn’t helped in terms of getting her to trust him. The last correction had made her exceptionally wary of him again. And it was a silly thing to lose time over… but it was beyond intolerable to watch her shovel food nonstop into her face like a wild animal.

Still though, he was going to need to increase the pressure a bit. He’d hoped the boredom would have been enough for her to quit hiding, to seek him out, or at least seek out some holos or books he had told her she was welcome to borrow. Even getting her to spar with him again would be something at least.

The engineer next to him shifted nervously, sweating slightly along the brim of his officer’s hat. It brought him back to the moment, to the ship in front of him and the engineer waiting for his approval.

“It appears adequate,” he said, voice cold and mechanical. The engineer seemed to let out the breath he’d been holding and nodded before taking his leave and scurrying away.

Behind his mask he smirked, scanning the TIE Silencer one more time. It was a shame the girl wouldn’t talk to him willingly yet. She had a mechanic’s mind and a good sense of ship design, it was the type of thing she would probably appreciate. Maybe even get excited about.

He sighed, turning on his heels. They were a long way from having open conversations with one another, but still, that did give him another idea.

 

* * *

 

Entering his quarters, several holobooks tucked under his arm, he reached out with his mind to check on the girl-- and halted in his tracks. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

Dumping the books on a chair he strode over, ripping off his right glove and pressing his hand to the biometric scanner and punching in the passcode. The door opened and she squeaked, her head slamming into the bottom of the desk she had crawled under. She stared at him, her eyes wide with terror, blood smeared fist closed tightly.

“Give it to me,” he snapped, holding his hand out. She glared at him, not moving. He gritted his teeth together, his patience wearing thinner by the second. If she made him drag her out from under there and force it out of her hand, he wasn’t sure he could be accountable for what he did to her.

Then she averted her eyes from him as she scooted out slowly from under the desk, getting slowly to her feet and walking timidly towards him. She stopped several feet away, extending her arm and opening up her hand to reveal the screw she’d worked out of the desk. It was maybe two inches long with a sharp enough point that it would do some damage if she tried to stab him with it, smeared with blood from her torn fingertips.

He snatched the screw with one hand while the other snaked out and grabbed her wrist. She immediately tried to pull back and he jerked her arm hard, dragging her over to him, ignoring her panicked yelp as he turned her hand over, forcing her to hold it open so he could look at the damage she’d done to herself. His hands shook and he wasn’t sure he wasn’t about to throttle the little idiot.

Instead he took a deep breath and turned on his heels, keeping an unkind grip on her wrist to drag her along. Storming into his room and shoving her in front of him into the ‘fresher, he reached around her and turned on the sink giving her a sharp push in the small of her back to have her stand in front of it before stepping back.

“Clean your wounds,” he ordered, his voice cold through his vocoder. He sat down on the edge of the bathtub behind her, glaring at her through his mask as she glanced over her shoulder at him before putting her hands under the water, staring down as the water tinted red as it ran off her hand and swirled down the drain.

He wrenched off his other glove before reaching up to release his mask and rip it from his face. Turning his hand over, he looked at the screw. What the fuck did she even think she was going to be able to do with it? Attack him? Did she think that would end well for her? His hands shook again and he whirled suddenly, throwing his mask threw the door of the ‘fresher and across the bedroom, where it ricocheted off the transparisteel windows with a clang.

Rey stiffened, for a moment not even breathing, flicking her wide eyes to look at his reflection in the bathroom’s mirror. He took a deep breath, raking a hand through his hair and getting himself back under control. Holding up the screw, he looked at her reflection in the mirror, “What did you even think you’d do with this?” She looked away from his reflection, looking down at her hands again, and he felt his temper threatening to slip out of his grasp again, “Answer me, Rey.”

“I- I don’t know,” she muttered.

“You don’t know? You ripped your fingers to shit for I don’t fucking know?”

She flinched and said nothing, pulling her hand from the water and turning the sink off. He leaned around her and opened the drawer with his medical supplies, pulling out a tube of bacta salve, and scooting over slightly so there was space next to him, “Come here and sit down.”

Eying him warily, she came over and sat down, looking away as soon as she did. He picked her hand up, studying her shredded fingertips and shaking his head. Letting out a breath, he started to gently apply the salve. “Do I need to take every piece of furniture from that room to protect you from yourself? Is that what you want?” He looked up when she didn’t answer. She was staring at floor, hair falling into her face, bottom lip trembling. Terrified. Terrified of him. An overwhelming urge surged in him to grab her and shake her and scream at her that he was trying to help her. That he was her salvation now and if she didn’t find a way to accept that, she was going to find there were far worse places she could be, and far worse people she could be dealing with.

Instead, he took a breath, repeating the question, “Is it what you want, Rey?”

“I want to go home,” it was whisper, practically just an exhale of breath, but he heard it all the same.

He bit back a wave of agitation and tried his best to keep calm, “It wasn’t your home. That sandball was never more than a waystation for you and you know that. A place to wait for something, for someone, that was never going to fucking happen. All while being used and abused and taken advantage of by people who should be cowering before you.”

She didn’t move, just kept her eyes fixed on the floor, but he could see the tears she was fighting in her eyes and sighed, reaching out to brush the hair from her face and feeling like it was a victory that she only shied slightly from his hand. “You have no idea how special you are, how rare you are.” He shook his head, looking down at his feet, “How rare _we_ are.”

Looking up he found her eyes on him, looking utterly bewildered. He sighed again, lifting her hand up and kissing it gently, ignoring the alarmed look that crossed her face or the way she jerked her hand back to her chest as soon as he released it. “People like us are meant to rule,” he said as he stood, putting the bacta salve back into the drawer.

“I don’t want to rule anyone.”

She her voice squeaked out the words softly and he just shook his head again, starting to walk out of the ‘fresher, then stopping in the doorway to turn around, “If you do anything like this again. If you even think about trying to dismantle anything in your room or anywhere else I’m going to strip that room and leave you with just a fucking blanket.”

Without another word he turned and walked out, leaving her sitting there. He headed towards the kitchen, where he was fairly sure he had half a bottle of Corellian whiskey stashed in one of the cabinets. Drinking wasn’t much of a habit for him, but right now he needed a drink badly.

 

* * *

 

She stayed in the ‘fresher for a while after he walked out, first staring at the floor, then studying her hand. The bacta was already soothing the shredded skin on her fingertips. She hadn’t even realized how badly she’d mauled them trying to work the screw out, and she wasn’t really lying when she said she wasn’t sure what she intended to do with it. Some vague notion that it might be something she could use as a weapon if necessary. But maybe more than anything it had just been something to do while she was locked away and he was out.

Glancing down by her feet she saw the bloodstained screw resting on the ‘fresher floor where he’d dropped it. Her first impulse was to snatch it, hide it, keep the prize she injured herself for, even if it wasn’t really worth anything. She fought that back, her mind and fear whispering the truth that if she did that _he’d_ know. He’d know and be really pissed off, and as it was his temper was on a razor thin edge. She didn’t want to find out what would happen if that thread holding him together gave way.

Staring at the screw she got up before tearing her eyes away from it and walking out into his bedroom. Part of her already screaming that she needed to go back and take the screw, that she was giving into him, letting him manipulate and control her behavior. That giving in to her fear of him just meant she was surrendering to his control.

She kept walking, leaving the bedroom and entering the main room of the quarters. Ren was sitting in an armchair, looking even more dark and brooding than normal as he sipped a cup of brown liquid. Skirting the edge of the room to keep her distance, she kept a wary eye on him as she made her way back towards her room, when a pile of holobooks on a chair caught her eye. She stopped, battling her curiosity and ultimately losing, she glanced over her shoulder at Ren before pawing through the pile. One was on Corellian ship models and designs, another on fighters of the Republic era, another on Empire era ship models...

They were intriguing, she picked up the Corellian one… CEC was renown for making some of the best ships throughout history. She started to turn it on, then glanced over her shoulder to find Ren’s eyes resting on her as he took another sip of his drink. She dropped the book and took a step back from them, hoping he wouldn’t be upset that she had been looking at them.

“Those are for you,” he said, calmly. She looked up at him sharply, her brow furrowed. For her? “I thought they were a subject you’d be interested in.”

She looked at the books, then to him, wondering what was expected in return. After all, nothing was free. No gift came without a string attached.

He spoke again, his voice edging with agitation, “People can do things just to be nice to people, Rey. Take them. Put them in your room. Pretend not to be interested if you want. At least they’ll be there to distract you the next idiotic idea jumps into your head to start pulling things apart.”

Turning she looked at him, for a moment meeting his eyes before giving a curt nod. There was still anger behind those dark eyes, and refusing seemed like it might be enough to set him off again. She glanced away, looking at the pile of books again.

And she really did want to look through that Corellian ship book, at the very least. Just flip through it, she didn’t need to read it, or spend much time with it…

Ren snorted and she looked up, scowling. He was following her thoughts again and finding them _amusing_. He rolled his eyes slightly and set his drink down, standing up and waving his hand, beckoning her over. “Come here.”

She hesitated, walking slowly over and avoiding looking at him. Standing in front of him she looked down, hating the way she felt so small when he towered over her.

“Turn around,” he ordered and she shot her gaze up to his, eyes narrowing.

“Why?”

He raised his eyebrows, looking both impatient and exasperated, saying nothing. She swallowed nervously and turned around. Jumping slightly as his hand grabbed her hair. He brushed the fingertips of his other hand down her spine, voice soft, “Relax.” The hand came up and brushed the hair from the sides of her face, gathering it together before wrapping something around it to hold it back.

Releasing his hold on her hair he stepped back and sank down into the chair again. She reached back to feel the point her hair was bundled as she turned around, feeling confused about the entire interaction that had just taken place. The hair tie a stretchy piece of elastic, holding the hair together firmly.

He reached around her and picked up his cup, “Now you can stop thinking about ripping one of your shirts into strips so you could use them to tie your hair up.” Shooting her a small smirk, he sipped his drink.

The smugness irritated her. As did the fact he was showing off how she couldn’t keep secrets from him. “Can I have more of these?”

His eyes rolled as he leaned forward, opening a bottle and pouring more brown liquid into his cup, “One works fine.”

She scowled a moment as he lifted the cup up to take a sip. She glanced at the bottle, then the cup, “What is that?”

“Corellian whiskey,” he took another sip before holding the cup out to her, “I don’t think you’ll like it, but feel free.”

Cautiously, she took the cup and took a sip, scrunching her face in distaste and shoving it back at him, “It’s not as bad as knockback nectar but it’s still vile.”

He took the cup back, an amused smile on his face, “Knockback nectar?”

“It’s what they drink on Jakku. It’ll make your gums go numb and tastes vile.”

“Hmmm…” he hummed to himself before shrugging. “You’re going to start training with me daily. Starting tomorrow, the bacta should heal your fingers enough for you to join me.”

She pulled back, her hands clenching, “I am not--”

“Yes, you are,” he cut her off, voice irritated. “Either you can let me teach you some moves or we will spar if you insist on being stubborn. But you need an outlet to burn off energy before you do something else stupid.”

Flashing her teeth, she stormed away, starting to go back to her room and then pausing and veering to the books. She gathered them under her arm before she went back inside, shutting the door behind her and dropping the books on the desk, ignoring the drips and smears of blood on the floor. Storming to the bed, she crawled into her nest of blankets, laying there for five or ten minutes, casting an occasional glance at the books on the desk. Shifting restlessly, she finally gave up, crawling back out and grabbing the holobook on Corellian ships before going back into her little burrow of sheets and blankets.

Her intentions were just to skim through it, that’s all. But within five minutes she was already well within the first chapter talking about the different ship lines that were in use prior to the Corellian Engineering Corporation being formed and how these different designs would be brought together by the CEC engineers in some of their more iconic ships.

It was fascinating.

When she fell asleep, her arm was still hugging around the holobook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Between life and my other two WIPs, this one's gotten shafted a bit.
> 
> Hugs and kisses for comments. :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Rey.”
> 
> The voice startled her awake. She wiggled through her tangled sheets and poked her head out to see Ren standing in her doorway. An amused look was spreading across his face for some reason, which irritated her greatly. “What’s so funny?” she grumbled.
> 
> “Your tiny head sticking out of a ball of sheets and blankets,” he smirked. “And you’re going to sleep through breakfast if you don’t get up.”
> 
> She frowned at him before squirming her way out from her nest. As she did, the holobook she’d fallen asleep reading slid off the bed and clattered to the floor. Ren’s eyes flicked to it and then to her, a smug smile on his face. Snatching the book up she glowered at him as she set it on top of the others on the desk. She waited for him to leave her doorway, pulling the band holding her hair back in the ponytail Ren and put it into, now mussed from sleep, out before raking her fingers through it a few times. Gathering it all together, she tied it all back into a single messy knot.
> 
> “I’m up, you don’t need to stay there watching me,” she snapped.
> 
> He just leaned on the doorframe, “You were dreaming.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some very violent scenes in Rey's memory flashback in this chapter, be warned.

_“Need help there, girl?”_

_She nearly stumbled in surprise, hunched over slightly with the weight of the makeshift water carrier strapped to her back._

_Moving into her AT-AT home in the Goazon Badlands had benefited her in many ways, chiefly in not owing anyone, especially not Plutt, for providing a roof for her to sleep under and a floor for her to sleep on. There was also independence, as well as isolation from the roving eyes that liked to follow her around town. When she was younger she suspected the attention she noted was from those who thought she might be an easy target to take from or exploit. Now that she was older, the eyes felt more hungry, and she suspected they might have other reasons to be eying her._

_But being out in the Badlands meant she was far from the only water source in the area, the trough in the center of Niima. The water was vile, suitable only for Luggabeasts and Happabores to drink straight from without the risk of getting sick, but it was free, and it could be purified. But it was a long walk across the sands home with her water carrier full._

_“No,” she said, wary as she looked the man up and down. He was an outsider, judging from his clothes and his features. His face hadn’t been hardened by scouring sands or the desert sun. Young, maybe in his early twenties, brown hair hung down over grey eyes as he looked at her thoughtfully._

_“You sure?” his eyes flicked over her and he pulled his bottom lip into his teeth for a moment. “That looks heavy.”_

_“It is heavy. But I can carry it just fine,” she kept walking. Trying to avoid looking at the man as he fell in step next to her. She was tired, her food reserves were low and Plutt had been extra stingy with what he was willing to trade. Parts that should have been a portion he was requiring two to just get a quarter portion. She ate one quarter portion yesterday, and nothing at all today._

_“Do you have far to go?” the man asked._

_“Yes. So if you wouldn’t mind leaving me be…”_

_“I could give you a ride, got a speeder,” he nodded over his shoulder and she saw the speeder bike parked next to a tent. Stopping, she frowned, glancing from the speeder to the man next to her. He flashed a smile again, one that she didn’t really trust._

_R’iia knew she was so damn tired though. Not having to walk a half day back home with her back being broken by the weight of the water would be nice._

_“I don’t have anything to trade,” she said, dismissively._

_“I didn’t ask for anything,” the man’s head cocked, “I’m Ori, you got a name?”_

_She frowned, her eyes glancing to the speeder bike again, “Rey. Why would you take me if you get nothing in return?”_

_“Maybe I’m just nice?” She snorted and a small smile played on his face. “Come on,” he coaxed, “you look tired already.”_

_She straightened the best she could under the weight of the water on her back, assessing the man in front of her. He wasn’t too big, didn’t look overly fierce. If he tried something, she thought he wouldn’t be too hard to bring down. Even if he intended her as a target for… something… that he wanted, she thought she could take him. People often made the mistake of thinking she was soft when they first saw her. Maybe he had too._

_If that’s what he thought, he’d find out he was mistaken. But showing him where she slept wasn’t a good idea…_

_“If you could take me part way, out into the Badlands, it would make the walk easier.”_

_Under the brown hair she saw the grey eyes flash before a grin broke out on his face, “Alright then, come on, girl-- Rey… you said Rey, right?” He reached out and she tensed for a moment and he laughed, and she thought it wasn’t a particularly pleasant sounding one, “The water, Rey, I’ll carry it to my speeder for you.”_

_The back of her mind whispered that this entire thing was a bad idea._

_Cautiously, she unslung the carrier from her back, letting Ori heave it onto his shoulder turning before looking back at her, “Come on, Rey.”_

 

* * *

 

“Rey.”

The voice startled her awake. She wiggled through her tangled sheets and poked her head out to see Ren standing in her doorway. An amused look was spreading across his face for some reason, which irritated her greatly. “What’s so funny?” she grumbled.

“Your tiny head sticking out of a ball of sheets and blankets,” he smirked. “And you’re going to sleep through breakfast if you don’t get up.”

She frowned at him before squirming her way out from her nest. As she did, the holobook she’d fallen asleep reading slid off the bed and clattered to the floor. Ren’s eyes flicked to it and then to her, a smug smile on his face. Snatching the book up she glowered at him as she set it on top of the others on the desk. She waited for him to leave her doorway, pulling the band holding her hair back in the ponytail Ren and put it into, now mussed from sleep, out before raking her fingers through it a few times. Gathering it all together, she tied it all back into a single messy knot.

“I’m up, you don’t need to stay there watching me,” she snapped.

He just leaned on the doorframe, “You were dreaming.”

“That can happen when you’re asleep,” she answered sarcastically, her hands gripping the edge of her desk behind her.

His head tilted slightly, “Was it a dream or a memory?”

“Were you spying on my dreams again?”

Ren just snorted out a laugh, “No, but I brushed against a bit of it when I came to wake you.” His voice grew more serious and thoughtful, “It was, wasn’t it? A memory?”

She gritted her teeth together, debating whether to risk telling him to mind his own fucking business or to just answer. After a moment she gave in, “Yes.”

Once again his head tilted. She was getting the sense that it was something he did when he was thinking.

“It seemed like a bad idea to go with him.”

Her fingers tightened on the desk, hurting when she put too much pressure on her healing fingertips, but she didn’t really care. For a split second she could smell the metallic scent of blood and she closed her eyes tightly, fighting the wave of panic that came with the memory.

When she opened her eyes Ren was frowning, something in his eyes she couldn’t quite read. Her anger began to rise, and she walked over to the door, pushing past him. Speaking as she she went by.

“It was.”

 

* * *

 

“How old were you?” he asked, watching her from across the table.

She didn’t look up, concentrating on her plate and getting her scrambled eggs onto her fork. So far she was respecting the ‘chew and swallow what you put in your mouth before taking another bite’ rule he’d given her, but had been doing her best to work around it by taking the biggest bites of food possible. The eggs didn’t stab well enough for her to accumulate a large enough amount onto the utensil that way, and she could only get a small amount to stay on the fork when she tried to use it like a scoop.

It was almost entertaining to watch her try to work around the limitations he was putting on her. There was a certain absurdity to the effort she was putting into it.

“How old when?” she grumbled as the heap of eggs she’d managed to balance on the fork fell off-- thankfully back on her plate, since he wasn’t entirely sure she wouldn’t try to eat something off the floor-- and she dropped the fork onto the plate to scowl at it and her food.

“In the memory you dreamed,” he said, a tiny bit of his irritation slipping through into his voice.

Her hazel eyes flicked up at him, looking thoroughly annoyed, though he wasn’t sure if it was because of him or her issues getting as much food into her mouth as she wanted, “It was a few years ago.” She looked back down, picking up the fork and studying the plate with ridiculous intensity. To his horror she lowered her face so her chin was next to the plate and proceeded to use the fork to scrap a load of the eggs into her mouth.

He cleared his throat to get her to look at him, and shook his head, “NO.”

She scowled, chewing, fist tightening around the handle of the fork, “It falls off of this stupid thing.”

“Just take smaller bites, the food isn’t going anywhere,” he answered, exasperated. She just continued to scowl at him. He shook his head, “In anycase, don’t do what you just did again. Ever.”

Glowering, she scooped up the small amount that would stay on the fork and shoved it into her mouth, chewing and swallowing it fast so she could take another. He sighed, “A few years ago, so you were sixteen?”

Swallowing the bite in her mouth-- he was pleased to see she was remembering to not talk with her mouthful-- she looked up at him, “I guess.”

He tilted his head slightly as he looked at her, studying her thoughtfully, “Do you know how old you are?” The thought hadn’t occurred to him before. Medics had put her age at around nineteen standard years, but it seemed possible she might not know, or at least not know exactly.

The deepening of her frown and hostility and embarrassment growing in her eyes answered the question as she deflected the question defensively, “Why does that matter?”

“It doesn't.” He tried to keep his tone relaxed. It wasn't his intent to embarrass her. “I just realized you might not know.”

She looked down again, pushing her food around but not eating.

“There's nothing wrong with not knowing,” he kept his voice as gentle as he could without sounding patronizing. It was a fine line to walk. If she thought he was being condescending she'd get angry and defensive. Or rather _more_ angry and defensive.

Her eyes flicked up from her plate to him before darting away , “I was on Jakku for fourteen years and I was likely between three and six years old when I…” her voice trailed off for a second, “...when I first came there.”

A wave of irritation hit him. She was carefully avoiding even saying that she was left there, that someone, possibly the precious family she didn't remember, had abandoned her to probable death on that shithole of a sandball.

At some point he was going to force her to face the reality of it all. Make her see that there was never a mysterious family coming back for her. Whoever had left her had abandoned her like garbage and deserved none of the loyalty and belief that she gave them.

But the time for that wasn’t now. He needed to have some of her trust before he could even try. Instead he nodded, “Our medics said the scans put you at about nineteen standard years, so that fits within that time span.”

“Oh,” she frowned to herself before looking away, trying really hard to not look like she appreciated gaining this knowledge, and failing miserably at it. She looked down focusing back on trying to balance as much of her eggs on her fork as possible without it falling before getting it to her mouth, muttering unconvincingly, “Not like it matters.”

“Of course not,” this time he let himself sound patronizing, a small smirk playing on his lips as he picked up his caf and took a sip.

She looked up, sharp annoyance in her eyes, “How old are you, then?”

He snorted as he set his cup down, “Twenty nine.”

“Oh,” she muttered, clearly not even sure why she asked.

“Does it matter?” he shouldn’t be teasing her but she was kind of adorable when she was annoyed.

“No,” she snapped, not looking up from her plate.

Chuckling, picked up his toast, liberally spreading zoochberry jam on it. As he did he felt her eyes on him, and he looked at her to find an accusing glare. “What happened to having to use one of these?” She waved her fork at him and he couldn’t help but snort with laughter, which only caused her to narrow her eyes and huff angrily.

“There are things that are acceptable to eat with your hands and things that are not. Toast you can eat with your hands,” he explained, trying to sound diplomatic and failing as another laugh escaped him.

She scowled at him, “So your rules are arbitrary and stupid?”

He rolled his eyes, “They’re not my rules, they’re basic politeness.” He glance at her plate, and decided that taking her toast off of it to put on the jam would probably invoke a feral, protective response. Instead he dropped his own piece on there before taking hers in trade. She eyed the piece suspiciously and he nodded at it, “Try it.”

Picking it up slowly, she tried to look indifferently at it, but her nose twitched at the fragrant scent of the jam. She took big bite and her eyes widened at the sweetness, immediately taking another and he cleared his throat, causing her to stiffen and glare, but finish chewing what she had in her mouth before taking another bite.

“Maybe you should trust me more often, you might like what I offer you.” She rolled her eyes up from her toast to look at him coldly and he just snorted again, adding jam to the piece of toast he’d swapped her for and taking a bite before glancing at his messages and updates on his datapad.

“What _are_ you offering?” she asked.

He looked up, a little surprised by the question, “My knowledge and tutelage. And the opportunity to live up to your potential.”

In all honesty, he expected her to roll her eyes or make a sarcastic comment, but instead she just glared coldly, “And what’s the price for that?”

“Who says there is one?”

She scraped the last bit of egg off her plate and shoved it into her mouth. Leaning back she dropped the fork almost dramatically, letting it clatter against the plate as she chewed. When she swallowed, she folded her arms across her chest, voice cold, “There’s _always_ a price.”

 

* * *

 

He stepped back as she hit the training room floor again.

This was six or seven times now in a row that he’d knocked her down in the exact same way. She stayed down for a minute this time, closing her eyes so he couldn’t see the tears of frustration and pain that were welling up. When she opened them again he was crouched down next to her, hand extended in an offer to help her up, “Have you noticed you’re doing the same move every time I’ve put you on the floor?”

She lifted her head and glared at him, but he just kept his hand out. He sounded earnest as he spoke, “I can show you what you’re doing wrong.”

Letting her head fall onto the mat, she again felt the tears trying to well up in her eyes. She was not going to cry in front of him, not again, hopefully not ever again. Her traitorous mind was already whispering to let him show her, it was knowledge she could use to to beat him later, to escape later.

It battled against the part of her who knew there was a greater cost to all of this. He wanted something from her, in the end, and if she gave in he would eventually force her to pay for what he was giving her. And if she thought she’d be able to learn enough from him to defeat him when that time came, she was fooling herself.

But if she refused him, how many more times would she find herself laying flat on her back, body aching more and more from each impact? The traitorous part of her mind won out, her hand seeming to take hold of his of it’s own volition. He grinned as he pulled her to her feet, the rest of her mind screaming at her about the dangers of trusting anything given out of “kindness.”

Stepping back to watch as he lifted his staff, “This is the series you do that’s getting you into trouble.” He lifted his staff and slowly went through a small series of motions, ending with a downstroke. She frowned.

“What’s wrong with it?” she asked, not sure what he thought the weakness in the move was.

“Watch again, and think about if you were fighting me, looking for a weakness that could be exploited.” He went through the series of again, ending with a slight side step and a downward stroke with his staff, holding the final pose. There was nothing obviously wrong that she saw, it---

Her thought trailed off and she looked at his feet, then his body position on the downward stroke. When she looked up at his face he was grinning, “You see it.”

“It’s vulnerable to being knocked off balance.”

“Exactly, which is why I was able put you on the ground every time you did this. But, if you square that side step and hold your body back, you can remove that potential exploit,” he stepped back again, repeating that final step and downward swing, keeping his stance more square as he stepped over and not letting his body fall into the attack. “You lose a bit of power in your strike by holding yourself back, but you gain security in your defense.”

_“Why don't you let me take you the rest of the way?”_

_She eyed Ori warily as she circled to the back of the speeder to get her water carrier, “This is fine. I'm close enough.” He followed and she gripped her staff with one hand, ready in case she needed to use it. There’s been a shift now to the way he was carrying himself, something more predatory in his steps._

_He hung back, and she hooked the strap on the water carrier with one hand. It was way too heavy to manage one handed and she might wrench her shoulder, but she wasn’t about to lose her grip on her staff. This turned out to be a good instinct-- as soon as she started to haul it out he made his move, something metal flashing in his hand. She dropped the water, sending a silent prayer to the gods that it wouldn’t split open and lose her water to the sand even as she spun and caught him hard in the shoulder, a snarl breaking from his lips and the weapon-- a stun gun from the look of it, falling from his hand._

_She didn’t hesitate as she moved forward hammering him twice more before stepping sideways and throwing her weight into what she hoped would be the final blow that would knock him unconscious. But he dodged and lunged, and she found herself stumbling backwards, off balance, landing sprawled on her back._

_He was on her in an instant._

She shook her head, chasing the memory away, realizing that in her distraction Ren had moved behind her. Her body tensed instinctively, hands tightening around the staff in her hands.

“Easy,” he said, “slow it down like I did, but just go through the same motion while trying to make the changes I just did.”

Taking a breath, she did as she was told. On the downstroke he caught her shoulders, holding her back and then pressing the flat of his hand against her back to straighten it. “Keep your shoulders back and it will help keep your body from following the motion of the strike.” He reached down, moving her leg slightly and turning the angle of her foot, “And this, foot placement will make or break the security of your stance during your attack.”

She went through the motion a few times before Ren seemed satisfied, stepping away, “Now try at full speed.” When she finished he nodded, picking up his staff, “Good, now let’s try this again.”

Their staffs met in a near identical iteration to their previous bout, except this time she she made her downward strike she held her body back and corrected her stance as he showed her. When he made the same move that had knocked her down the last seven times, she was able to keep her balance, only being knocked back a step. The series of blows that followed were a blur, and then she saw him fall, hitting the ground. She raised her staff and jabbed downward, a finishing blow, but halted it above him, standing over him looking down with the end of her staff aimed at his chest.

They stared at each other a moment, and she noticed he had a hand turned outward-- he’d been ready to force throw her away if she continued that final strike. She wondered how much closer he would have let her get him before he’d have thrown her backwards?

Slowly a grin spread across his face, “Impressive, Rey.”

She took a step back closing her eyes, somehow tasting blood and feeling the sensation of sand on her skin as memory overwhelmed her.

_She awoke with the taste of blood and the grit of sand in her mouth. Squirming on the ground she realized her hands were bound, pulling against the bindings just seemed to make them tighter._

_A dark chuckle caused her to freeze in place as she became of sinister grey eyes crawling over her body. “Impressive, Rey.” He took a step towards her. Turning her head she noted the bloody nose and multiple lacerations she’d put on him with her nails and teeth in the struggle that had ensued after he’d knocked her down. “I reckon you’ll fetch a good price,” his voice was cold and she struggled to pull herself to her knees as he got closer, “Tough, hardy, and pretty enough to fuck, oh yes, lots of potential uses.”_

_She snarled as the realization hit her-- a slaver. It wouldn’t be the first time than any of them set about hunting on Jakku. It looked like an easy place to get away with it, people were poor and there seemed to be little law here. But Constable Zuvio had no tolerance for slavers, a fact that had been made clear to Plutt more than a few times. Kidnapping to enslave would get a man a quick death here-- assuming they got caught._

_“Of course that assumes there’s anything left once I’m finished with you,” he grabbed her suddenly by the hair, lifting her up and slamming her up against the speeder. She struggled but he pinned her against it before putting her own knife to her throat. With his other hand he grabbed her tunic and wrap to pull it away away from her shoulder, “I counted seven bites you left on me. I’ve already decided I’m going to leave twice that number on you.” With that he sank his teeth in hard where her shoulder met her neck, she screamed out in pain, even though she knew that there was no one around to hear her out here. He let go as he laughed, darting his tongue out to lick up her cheek to her temple, pressing the edge of the knife harder against her throat when she started to struggle._

_“You're going to be a spitfire to break, aren't you, little rat?” he pawed at her breasts with his free hand before slipping it down towards the waist of her pants. “Those lessons will come later. Right now we’re just gonna have some fun.”_

_As the last word came out of his mouth She threw herself backwards, slamming the back of her head into his nose. The edge of the knife skimmed against her throat leaving shallow nicks that blood beaded from. Turning in his loosened grasp, she rammed her shoulder into him. He stumbled, snagging her tunic, pulling her with him as he fell. As they hit the ground he lunged, knocking her over and pinning her to the ground._

_“Maybe I will just kill you when I'm done, you fucking little rabid rat,” the sinister grey eyes glittered down at her. She twisted and felt metal under her bound arms, the knife was under her in the sand._

_She pulled on the bindings and to her surprise they seemed to be loosening. Her hand slipped out as Ori straddled her, and closed around the blade. With her arms free, she waited until he leaned over her, then lunged, plunging the knife into his neck. Blood splattered down on her as she raised her foot and kicked him hard in the stomach, knocking off the blade as he flew back, landing writhing in the sand as he slowly bled out._

_Pulling herself to her knees a moment, she just watched, trying to catch her breath, as the man died in front of her. Closing her eyes for just a minute, she pulled herself to her feet, looking at the speeder. Taking it was tempting, she was still a mile or so from home, but slavers usually travelled in groups. The last thing she wanted was a way to lead any of his friends to her._

_Collapsing back onto the sand, she closed her eyes a minute. She’d take some parts off it, the good ones she could carry. It might be too much risk to sell them to Plutt, Zuvio might have no tolerance for slavers, but Plutt liked anyone who greased his hand, but she’d been thinking about collecting enough parts to build her own speeder. Whatever she could scavenge here could help with that later._

_She didn’t let herself rest long, getting to her feet she stepped over Ori’s body and walked over to the speeder, getting to work._

Opening her eyes she let the staff drop from her hand. Ren was looking at her, brow furrowed, and she realized he’d caught at least some of what had just replayed in her head.

“You can be done for today,” his voice was gentle.

Looking away from him she turned, walking to the training room door without looking back.

“You did good today, Rey.”

She didn’t pause or look back as she left the room and headed straight for hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and forth a few times on if I liked the way this flashback paired with this chapter and then just decided to go with it. Hope it flows together okay.
> 
> Thank you guys for all the comments. I adore you :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Do you know why you’re here?”_
> 
> _He tensed at the voice behind him, his hands balling the fabric of his tunic up as he clenched them tightly to relieve the emotions rising in him, a volatile mixture of fear, anxiety, sadness, and anger._
> 
>   _When he didn’t answer the man came and sat down on the rock next to him, looking out over the rough forest that spread out below. Just barely he could make out a stream that wove its way through the rocks and trees, and in the distance it looked like there might be a lake the stream flowed into. But it was too far away to tell if it was illusion of the light and shadows or something that was actually there._
> 
>   _He expected the man to repeat his question right away, but he didn’t, instead he sat calmly next to him, gazing out over the same view and saying nothing. And though storm of emotions roiling within didn’t go away, something about how the man felt seemed to sooth him, calm him, easing the emotions down till they no longer overwhelmed him. The tension left his hands and he let his tunic fall from them._
> 
>   _“Do you know why you’re here, Ben?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little big, over 4k, hope no one minds. :P

_“Do you know why you’re here?”_

_He tensed at the voice behind him, his hands balling the fabric of his tunic up as he clenched them tightly to relieve the emotions rising in him, a volatile mixture of fear, anxiety, sadness, and anger._

_When he didn’t answer the man came and sat down on the rock next to him, looking out over the rough forest that spread out below. Just barely he could make out a stream that wove its way through the rocks and trees, and in the distance it looked like there might be a lake the stream flowed into. But it was too far away to tell if it was illusion of the light and shadows or something that was actually there._

_He expected the man to repeat his question right away, but he didn’t, instead he sat calmly next to him, gazing out over the same view and saying nothing. And though storm of emotions roiling within didn’t go away, something about how the man felt seemed to sooth him, calm him, easing the emotions down till they no longer overwhelmed him. The tension left his hands and he let his tunic fall from them._

_“Do you know why you’re here, Ben?”_

_Turning his head to look at the man--- his uncle, though he really had no memories of him, even though he was sure he’d met him when he was very young, was looking away, looking out across the view below. He took in the man, the rough hewn robes, the trimmed beard, and hair that seemed a little bit too long, as if the man had missed a haircut or two. There was nothing that was overly imposing about him._

_“My mother sent me,” he muttered, feeling a wave of anger and sadness start to rise again. But just as quickly those emotions seemed to be met by a wave of calm that came from the man next to him._

_“Yes, that’s true,” the corners of his uncle’s mouth tipped upward. He still didn’t turn his gaze away from the view of the forest, and he wondered if he was doing this on purpose. The way you might not look at an animal because you were afraid of scaring it away. “Do you know why she sent you here?”_

_Bitterness rose in his throat as the thought echoed around his head-- she had sent him away. They both had. His father might not have been happy but he agreed. They didn’t want him anymore._

_He swallowed back the lump in his throat, answering with what she had said, “She wants you to teach me.”_

_His uncle finally turned his head, just ever so slightly, looking at him with blue eyes that were calm and kind and yet somehow very calculating and intelligent. Giving a slight nod, “And you understand she didn’t send you here to punish you?”_

_Looking away, he said nothing. Instinct told him he couldn’t lie to this man. She sent him away after the incident at school. How could this not be a punishment? His uncle--- Luke, uncle Luke, sighed, “Yes, that’s what I was afraid of… I wish she wouldn’t have waited, would have made a decision on what you needed before she felt forced to do it.”_

_“I did something bad,” he said, closing his eyes, “and she sent me here for it.”_

_“She sent you here because of it, not for it. That’s a distinction that’s important,” a hand gripped his shoulder gently. To his surprise, the touch---normally he hated being touched unless it was someone he knew very well---seemed to calm him further. “Look at me, Ben.”_

_There was a slight sternness to Luke’s voice, this was a command, not a request. Slowly he opened his eyes and tilted his face up to look into his uncle’s eyes._

_“You did nothing wrong, Ben. What happened was unfortunate, but you weren’t bad. You need to understand that going forward.”_

_He blinked, his brow furrowing. He had hurt people, how could anyone say he did nothing wrong?_

_“There’s a power inside of you, and it has been growing stronger. It’s not your fault you don’t know how to control it. What happened was an accident, you didn’t know how to stop it.” Luke smiled, “That’s why you were sent here, to learn how to control what’s inside of you, to help you prevent something like that from happening again.” His uncle tilted his head, “What do you about the force?”_

_Shrugging, “My dad says it’s a bunch of mystical mumbo jumbo.”_

_Luke laughed, a full grin spreading across his face, “Oh yes, that’s Han for you.” Luke winked, “Here’s a secret, your father knows it’s a lot more than just mumbo jumbo. He just likes to be contrary about such things.”_

_Still smiling Luke turned his head the view in front of them again, “The force is very strong in my family. My father had it. I have it. My sister has it.” Luke turned again to look at him, hand reaching out to squeeze his shoulder, “And you, you have that power too.”_

 

* * *

 

His eyes snapped open, for a split second still feeling his uncle’s force signature enveloping him before it faded and he found himself blinking at his bedroom. Reaching out in what was becoming something of a ritual any time he woke up, he brushed his mind against the girl’s to find her sleeping soundly.

At least someone was getting some rest.

Sleep had been slow to claim him, his mind fretting over the memories he’d caught glimpses of from her, and judging from the chrono, he’d only gotten a few hours. His own dream, memory really, still felt close, felt real. Why such a thing would come back to him now was puzzling, that first moment between him and Luke, at least first that he remembered. Later on he’d understand what Luke had been doing, surrounding him with that calm, steady energy of his uncle’s own force signature, letting it settle around him and over his own frenetic, frantic, force signature like a blanket, soothing it.

Why think about that now? So much else had happened between them, but that moment, that moment of kindness and patience, it was hard to look at it with anything other than affection.

The last thing he needed was to think about Luke with anything like _affection_. In time he’d get the girl to give him the map, and after that happened, he would find his uncle and they would settle the rift between them in blood.

Sighing, he sat up, the chances he was going to get more sleep tonight were low. Trying to purge thoughts of his own memories, he instead thought about the girl’s. Everything he'd taken from her mind so far about her life filled him with a cold fury, a desire to go and kill everything on that shithole junkyard planet, obliterate the very planet itself.

He forced those feelings down, if he wanted to think about what he saw critically--- really break down to things that would help him understand her and help him get her to give in and trust him more--- he had to break down what he had seen more objectively. Take this new information, merge it with the other glimpses he’d seen of her past, and start to figure out the puzzle of what made her tick.

Letting his mind trail back to the memory he’d seen in her dream back when they were still in the medbay, she’d been on her own, trusting no one but herself for a long time. She had been maybe eleven in that memory. Already on her own and alone.

And then there was this recent memory he’d caught from her. She had been hungry and exhausted--- that bastard of a junk boss had been cheating her, giving her less than he should for what she traded, but she was helpless to do anything about it. She had been at Plutt’s mercy, everyone was, and he barely was giving her enough to survive.

Sometime in future, once she’d given in to him and accepted her destiny was here at his side, they were going to return to Niima and he was going to let her return every petty injustice that had been done to her by that ugly brute in kind.

But he was getting off track, he needed to focus on the memory now. She had known better, known she shouldn’t trust the stranger offering her a ride. She had felt it instinctively, the force may have been latent in her, but it was still in her. Everything told her not to trust that man. But she had been tired and hungry, and had overestimated her own ability to defend herself against him when it did turn out that his motives were anything but kind.

He tried not to think too much over the attack. If he did his emotions were going to take over and he wouldn’t think critically. But one thing to take from it was when he had started to overpower her, she had fought back like an animal, using her teeth and her nails and anything else. As she had said the first time they sparred, “The only rule in a fight is to win and get out of it alive.”

Yes, get out of it alive. But even more than that, she knew there were fates worse than death, and losing her freedom was one of them. It was why she stubbornly refused to give in, because she thought to give in was to agree to servitude to him, to the Order. Because she may be physically trapped, but as long as she fought back and remained unbroken, she would still be free in spirit.

Somehow, somehow, he needed to get her to see he was offering her a greater freedom. One where all the chains that had been holding her back would be broken. The force would set her free.

Maybe he needed to push to start trying to teach her basic control. Once she learned some of the techniques he could begin to cut back on the suppressant. What she was on was mild enough that it would disrupt her ability to effectively use it, but not cut her off from feeling the force fully. He hated having to have her on it at all, but for now it was too dangerous to let her off of it. Her powers had far exceeded her ability to control it without training, the suppressant was necessary to prevent any accidents.

He knew well enough about what could happened when power exceeded the user’s ability to control it.

She was still going to resist him, but he’d gotten through a chink in her armor when she let him show her what was wrong with her staff technique and how to fix it. She had let him teach her. From here on it would be a matter of taking the opening he’d been given and making it large her.

Getting up out of bed and smoothing the covers back neatly, he walked over to the viewport to stare out at the stars. There was two more important things to take from that memory, one was that he was fairly sure she had used the force without knowing it. Her bindings had loosened, to her surprise, as she pulled against them, and it had let her get her hands free. There was not a lot of explanation as to why the knots would have suddenly failed, unless she had manipulated them without realizing it.

The other was that he was fairly sure it had not been her first kill, judging from the way she handled herself.

How many times had she been forced to kill to defend herself?

Fuck, he really wanted to see that entire planet turned to dust.

But it was better this way. In time it would be her place to take her own revenge and mete out her own justice. To claim power over those who had abused their power over her, to see those chains broken in her victory.

In time she would see.

 

* * *

 

She was in a bad mood that morning.

He was tired and feeling irritable, lack of sleep catching up with him, and her being contrary and trying his patience was not helping. He’d had to wake her up again, which was making him worry and wonder a bit at how much she’d been sleeping lately. It was probably preferable for her to get enough sleep than not enough, but it could be signs of an emotional downturn. A depressive episode or two was probably inevitable as she started to accept her situation and let go.

Somehow she’d tangled all the sheets and blankets up into something that resembled a brush mouse nest and she burrowed into them to sleep. It was kind of ridiculous and the disorder of it practically made his teeth itch, but he wasn’t about to force her to change how she wanted to sleep. Fixing her eating was one thing, he had to to watch her eat, but when it came to her room, as long as she wasn’t destroying anything, he would let her do whatever she wanted.

But like the day before, when he her head popped out, body still hidden in her nest, he couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous it looked. It had pissed her off even more than yesterday that he was laughing at her, and since then she’d been exceptionally bitchy. So far she’d bitched about how cold it was in their quarters, about how she hated the fact that the clothes she was being provided were all black, bitched when he told her to just get dressed and come eat, and then bitched that he had woken her up (that one he’d asked if she’d rather he let her miss breakfast the next time and she’d growled at him like a wild tooka).

For the most part though he just let her complain if she wanted to and resisted the urge to just tell her to shut the fuck up and do as she was told. He went to get breakfast and get the table set and let her fret to herself if she wanted to.

He’d ordered eggs again, they seemed good for teaching her a level of patience as she ate. Or at the very least it helped her find ways to innovate. Along with them there was a hash of Corellian potatoes and several pieces of toast. They were finally off any kind of synthetic food products, which was relief. If he didn’t have to eat vegmeat again for the rest of his life it would still be too soon.

She scowled at her plate as soon as she sat down, recognizing her nemesis food from yesterday morning. Gripping her fork tightly she continued to glare at the eggs even as she stabbed the potatoes and shoved the maximum amount she could get on the fork into her mouth. He sighed, shaking his head as he began to eat his own food and wondered if he’d be pushing his luck if he tried to add “chewing with your mouth closed” to their current list of rules.

Probably, he decided, and instead pushed his food a bit with his fork before looking up, “Do you want to spar again later or would you rather me show you some new things?” He made it sound innocuous, but he was being calculating about this. Picking at that chink she’d left in her armor by finally accepting to let him teach her something yesterday.

She just huffed and shoved the last of her potatoes in her mouth before reaching over and snatching the crock of jam from the center and practically pouring it on one of her pieces of toast.

He cleared his throat, causing her to stiffen before finally looking up at him. “That’s more than enough.”

The look she gave him would have probably scared off a rancor. “I like it.”

“I can tell. You’ve already used a third of it on one piece of toast.”

She practically pouted as she slammed the crock back on the table. “Back to my question, would you prefer to spar or learn something new?” Once again she didn’t answer, but he could feel her indecisiveness.

Looking back up at him again coldly, she took a big bite of her toast. A huge glob of jam ran off as she bit down, collecting on her chin. She swiped it back up to her mouth with the back of her hand. The utter revulsion he had in reaction was suddenly subdued by the sensual soft moan of delight she gave as she chewed.

If she reacted like that to jam… he made a mental note to order some dessert with dinner tonight.

“What’s something new?” she asked, warily, before taking another huge bite of toast.

He shrugged, trying to be as outwardly indifferent as he could be, “I could teach you some new moves with the staff. Or some hand to hand techniques....” he paused, “or… well… no probably not.”

“What?” her eyes narrowed and he could see the pique of curiousity them. Inwardly he smirked.

“I could show you how to take a peek into my mind.”

She shoved the last bite of toast in her mouth, brow furrowing as she stared at him, “Like how you go into my head?”

He nodded.

“Why would you teach me to do that?” she asked, suspiciously.

“Showing you how doesn’t mean I can’t stop you if I want to,” he laughed. “But if you’re not interested in that---”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t interested,” she cut him off, voice soft, staring at her plate. He felt like he was watching the chink in her armor getting bigger every second. “Won’t that pill you make me take not let me do something like that?”

“It’s a mild supressant,” he shook his head. “It disrupts your abilities, but it doesn’t block them.”

Her eyes darted back and forth. He didn’t need to be in her mind to know she was waging a battle with herself. Her curiosity, and maybe an eagerness to be able to get a peek into his head, against the feral, mistrusting little girl who viewed letting him teach her as a defeat. After a long pause, she spoke quietly, “Okay.”

He raised his eyebrows, fighting the giddiness he was starting to feel. If he looked too happy about this she was going to change her mind and balk, “You sure?”

She nodded, still looking down, studying her plate, “Yeah. I…” she shook her head, “yes.”

“Okay,” he crooked one side of his mouth up into a smile. Looking down at his plate he let the triumph flicker across his face before he schooled his features again.

When he looked up, she was staring at her eggs as if they were the greatest puzzle she could encounter. Her eyes then darted to her remaining piece of toast, then back to the eggs, looking extremely thoughtful. He couldn’t quite fathom what was going on in her head, what connections she was making between toast and egg that required this level of thought.

Then without warning she picked up the toast and ripped it in half, heaping at least half of her eggs on top of it before picking it up and shoving it all into her mouth, her cheeks bulging as she chomped. He stared, horrified.

She stared back, eyes challenging him to try to tell her this was against the rules. After all, he had said you could eat toast with your hands.

He sighed, looking down at own food and not looking at her. At the very least he had to admire her ability to innovate.

 

* * *

 

“You need to relax,” he said, trying his best to stay calm. “Relax and focus on your breathing.”

They were sitting cross legged on the floor of the training room. Rey frowned, “This seems stupid. How does breathing help me look into your mind?”

Calm, he reminded himself, stay calm or they were both going to end up failing at this, “Meditation helps you focus, focusing helps you become more aware of the force.”

She fidgeted, still unfocused. He bit back a growing impatience, his mind drifting back to the memory he’d dreamed. The way Luke had wrapped that calming energy around him. Taking several deep breaths, he closed his eyes and concentrated on calming himself to his very core, reviving the years of Jedi training and releasing each emotion one by one. Once his signature had soothed and smoothed itself out, he pushed it outward, pushed towards the girl, letting it flow over and around her.

A small frown passed over her face as she felt the change, but the tension became to leave her body, her breathing becoming deeper.

Once he was sure she was in a good place, he spoke again, “Okay, I want to to keep your eyes closed, and… feel… outward. Think of it as if you were trying to reach out and touch me, only using your mind instead of your hand.

A doubtful frown crossed her face. He could feel her fumbling, brushing against the force but not latching on to it. The suppressant was making it more difficult, but he had faith that as strong as she was, she _would_ find it despite that. And he was right, after another minute he felt her latch onto a thread of that power.

Her eyes snapped open wide, looking startled.

“You feel me.”

She turned her head, staring at him before nodding once. Those hazel eyes still wide and filled with a mixture of wonder and fear. He smiled, “Good, now try to… push, for lack of a better term. Push in towards me, past the surface, more towards the core of what you’re sensing.”

As she closed her eyes, he searched for a memory that was safe and suitable for her to see. He’d shielded anything he wanted to be sure she couldn’t get near before he started, not willing to take the risk she might see anything accidentally that he didn’t want her to find. Leaving his mind open to her, he felt her push her way in. It was an awkward, fumbling attempt, one that would have failed miserably if she was attempting it on someone that was even poorly attempting to shield themselves. But with the open door he gave her, she was able get through.

_“You aren’t focusing, Ben.”_

_He exhaled in frustration, feeling tears welling in the corners of his eyes. Feeling angry at that stupid rock that wouldn’t move and feeling stupid for being angry at a rock. He hated this, hated failing. For a moment all he wanted was his mother. She would hug him and tell him everything would be okay, bring to the kitchen and make him a cup of tea to help him calm down._

_Luke sighed and came and sat down next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders, “I know it’s been hard these last few weeks for you, but you’ve already come leaps and bounds in your progress. I’m quite proud of you.”_

_“Do you think I could see my mom again soon?” he asked, hopefully_

_There was a flicker of emotion in his uncle, one that came and vanished like an errant spark from the fire, gone too quickly for him to get a clear sense of what it was. Luke exhaled a long breath, “It may be awhile still. She’s quite busy, and we still have much to do.”_

_He struggled to take a deep breath, trying hard not to cry. He was too old to cry._

_“You should write her,” Luke suggested, “I know she misses you, I’m sure she’d like to hear from you.”_

_For a long beat he looked at Luke then nodded before looking ahead to stare at the damn rock that he had been trying to move._

_Luke squeezed his shoulder, “Let’s give this one more try today. And if you don’t manage it today, we have tomorrow.” The man leaned in, pressing a finger against his chest, “Trust in yourself,” he added before standing up and taking a few steps back._

_He stared at the rock, then closed his eyes and holding a hand out towards it. He could feel the force, the swirling, vibrating eddies and waves surrounding him. Tugging the threads, he reached outward toward the rock._

_For a moment he felt it, and the rock rattled where it sat, then he felt his grip on that those threads slip, and the rock stilled. Taking another breath, he refused to give up, fumbling again to find his grip on the energy around him, to find his grip and manipulate it to his will. He felt it again, the shape of the rock in his mind as he pushed it upward._

_The rock rose, hovering in the air in front of them. He stared, slightly shocked, a mixture of awe and fear racing through him that he was able to do this._

_“Very good! Very good, Ben!” Luke crowed proudly behind him. Still staring at the rock he was hovering in mid air, he grinned._

He closed his mind off from her at that, “That’s enough for now.”

It was a gamble, that memory. On the downside it meant exposing her to his younger self in an emotional, weak state. But he thought there were at least bits of it she would relate to, so he took the risk.

She was blinking at him, a look of shocked awe at what she had just been able to do in her eyes, “That… that was you?”

He nodded, “Yes, that was some of my earliest force training.”

“How old were you?”

“Thirteen.”

She frowned, looking down at her lap, “Who was the man?”

“My uncle,” he answered, watching her carefully, “my parents sent me away to train with him.” A wave of bitterness and the old feelings of abandonment hit him as he spoke. She was still open and attuned to him, and he knew she would sense them in his force signature. He was counting on it.

Judging from the sharp intake of breath, she had indeed sensed them. Her hands clenched a moment, those were feelings that she found very relatable. Her mind was working, and he was tempted to peek at what she was thinking, but opted not to. If she sensed him it could undo the progress he was making with her.

Her grip on the force was starting to slip as she lost focus, which was fine, he’d already let her see and feel exactly what he had wanted her to. He smiled at her gently, “You did good, Rey. Very good.”

She glanced away, but not before he could see the small smile or the slight flush to her cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, these two. I think we're making progress.
> 
> Ben's experiences with Luke weren't all bad, though things did become more strained between them over time. But it was a rough transition for him. I'm holding to the headcanon that Ben was a momma's boy. He missed her and felt rejected when she sent him to Luke.
> 
> Hope no one is sick of the eating scenes. I like them for the added levity in a fic with a lot of angst and pain in it.
> 
> Blessed be all you commenters. :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, at least he was distracting her from her line of questioning on Luke. He pulled his bottom lip with his teeth before blowing out a breath of air, “It’s not polite to put your feet on the furniture.”
> 
> She looked down at her feet again before looking up at him as if this was the stupidest thing she ever heard, “How is it not polite?”
> 
> A sigh escaped him and he rubbed a hand across his eyes, “Don’t worry about it.”
> 
> “I mean, you put your feet in bed, otherwise how would you lay down?”
> 
> He rolled his eyes, “A bed is different.”
> 
> “So this is like that stupid fork where the rules are arbitrary?” her toes curled down into the chair’s cushion and he realized he knew this fact because he was staring at them again.
> 
> “Like I said, don’t worry about it,” he picked up his datapad again, trying to distract himself from this entire conversation before it went more down hill.
> 
> “Yeah, but you keep staring at them, it’s weird.”
> 
> A sharp laugh bubbled out of him before he could help it. That line was somehow a perfect summary of his dealings with the opposite sex throughout his teenage years. And probably into his early twenties if he was honest with himself.

She surprised him by coming out later in the day.

He was sitting on the couch, a datapad in hand and a cup of tea on the table next to him. It was the first time she’d left her quarters willingly while he was anywhere in sight and there wasn’t a meal to be had. It took a lot of effort not to let a grin of triumph cross his face at the tiny bit of trust he’d managed to earn today, knowing he had to be careful. One wrong look, one wrong move, and that tiny thread of trust he’d spun today could break and they’d be back where they started.

As it was, she was keeping her distance. Eying him with timid glances as she skirted about the room like a skittish tooka, trying to act as if she didn’t want any interaction with him, maybe even trying to convince herself that was the case.

The aimlessness in her wandering about and those glances his direction made it obvious he was the reason she was out. He did his best to be patient, let her work her way closer to him on her own terms before he’d speak to her.

Finally, finally, after what felt like hours but probably was all of twenty minutes, she weaved her way closer as she paced the room, stopping on the far side of the couch from him, eyes darting to him then away. He slowly picked his tea for a sip, “Would you like some tea?” he offered, “There’s more in the kitchen, just get yourself a glass.”

She took a step back, frowning, and glancing over her shoulder at the kitchen, “I… no.”

He risked a look at her, offering a small smile, “Well, if you change your mind it’s on the counter.”

Her eyes darted away and she didn’t say anything, he turned his attention back down to his datapad, not really reading but not wanting to appear too interested in her. She paced back and forth a few times before stepping around the couch sitting down in the armchair to the side of it. It was the farthest seat she could take from him, but that did nothing to stop the elation he felt.

When he glanced over at her she looked away again, trying very hard to avoid any eye contact as she shifted uneasily on the chair. He looked back down at the datapad, pretending once again that he wasn’t paying attention to her at all.

“What are you doing?”

Slowly he lowered the datapad and then turned to look at her, “Work. Catching up on coms.”

“Oh,” she looked away again.

“Did you need anything?” he asked. He really wasn’t sure what she wanted, or he would have tried to steer the conversation closer to it. Best he could do was give her an opening and hope she was willing to at least hint on why she was out here.

She shook her head, her eyes darting away from him in a way that made it clear that she did have something she wanted to ask him. He kept his gaze on her a moment as he started to raise the datapad again.

Rey scooted down on the chair, drawing her knees up and resting her chin on them. In order to reach that position, her socked feet were resting up on the cushion, and his eyes darted down to fix on them almost against his sense and will. It wasn’t like she was wearing shoes, the logical part of his brain reasoned, while a very irrational part wanted to snap and tell her to get her damned feet off the furniture.

He forced his gaze away and found her brow furrowed at him apprehensively. It seemed to take all his willpower not to let his eyes dart back to glare at her offending feet. He was not about to lose ground he earned with her because of his… obsessiveness… about small things like this. As it was she clearly was noticing and finding his behavior strange.

“Why did you show me that memory?”

Her voice drew him out of his head and he focused on her once again, cocking his head, “What do you mean?”

She wrapped her arms around her legs, looking away again, “You weren’t about to give me open access to your head. So you had to have made sure what I saw when I was in there was something you didn’t mind me seeing… or,” she tossed her head slightly to get a stray strand that had escaped her ponytail out of her face, “or something you wanted me to see.”

He leaned onto the arm of the couch, resting his chin on his hand as he regarded her, the corners of his lips quirking into a smile, feeling confident that if she knew exactly how much he’d been manipulating her she wouldn’t be sitting here with him talking. She was smart, though, and sharp enough to look back over things that had happened to her critically to suss things out. He needed to remember to careful as they continued this little game between them. “True. I picked a memory that seemed safe to share,” his eyes started to drift down to her feet again and he closed them a moment before forcing his eyes back to her face. “And it seemed to fit, at least to me. You were getting some of your first force training, so I let you see some of mine.”

For a moment she seemed to thinking this answer over, then she nodded, seeming to accept that his reasons were valid. “The man was your uncle?”

Drawing in a breath he leaned back, not really happy she was pulling at these threads to see where they led, but not surprised either, “Yes.”

“What happened to him?”

“I don’t know where he is now,” he answered. That was truthful enough without getting into details like ‘you’ve got a map to him in your head’ and ‘I’m going to fucking run my lightsaber through him when I find him.’ For now she didn’t need to know _who_ his uncle really was. “Things didn’t end well between us.”

“What does that mean?”

“He betrayed me in the end,” as he spoke he realized he was staring at her feet again and tore his gaze away, ignoring the tickle somewhere deep in his brain over it.

Her brow was furrowed again and she looked down at her feet and back to him, “Why do you keep doing that?”

Well, at least he was distracting her from her line of questioning on Luke. He pulled his bottom lip with his teeth before blowing out a breath of air, “It’s not polite to put your feet on the furniture.”

She looked down at her feet again before looking up at him as if this was the stupidest thing she ever heard, “How is it not polite?”

A sigh escaped him and he rubbed a hand across his eyes, “Don’t worry about it.”

“I mean, you put your feet in bed, otherwise how would you lay down?”

He rolled his eyes, “A bed is different.”

“So this is like that stupid fork where the rules are arbitrary?” her toes curled down into the chair’s cushion and he realized he knew this fact because he was staring at them again.

“Like I said, don’t worry about it,” he picked up his datapad again, trying to distract himself from this entire conversation before it went more down hill.

“Yeah, but you keep staring at them, it’s weird.”

A sharp laugh bubbled out of him before he could help it. That line was somehow a perfect summary of his dealings with the opposite sex throughout his teenage years. And probably into his early twenties if he was honest with himself.

Rey’s eyes narrowed suspiciously at the laugh and he shook his head and raised his hand up, “It’s not…” His voice trailed off and he realized he wasn’t sure what to say. He rolled his head back and sighed before looking straight at her, “It bothers me,” he nodded at her feet, a slight bit of exasperation in his voice, “but it’s fine. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t tell you to put them down. It’s fine.”

She raised her eyebrows at him, staring a moment before unwrapping her arms from around her knees and dropping her feet to the floor. Her head cocked and her eyes, looking a mixture of exasperated and annoyed, regarded him questioningly.

For a second he just blinked, taken by surprise by her action. Then he smiled, feeling a wave of affection towards her. In its own weird way, it felt like an offering, a gift to him, that she would have lowered her feet to the floor of her own will, just because it was bothering him.

“Thank you,” he murmured.

She rolled her eyes, “You are very strange.” That got a chuckle from him and she frowned before crossing her arms across her chest and slouching into the chair. “You’re welcome. I guess.”

 

* * *

 

He was getting dinner set out when his datapad beeped, causing him to glare at it in annoyance. An audible notification meant it was a high priority com, which meant it could only have come from one of three people, and he was pretty sure which one it would be.

Dropping the forks in his hand back to the table he grabbed the datapad and opened the com. He was right, it was from Hux. But it was curt, short, and he at least got the sense that Hux had been ordered to contact him with it and resented having to be the messenger.

 

> _Medics have cleared you for active duty. Supreme Leader wishes to see both of us tomorrow afternoon, 1300 hours._

For a long moment he stared at the last sentence. Being cleared for active duty was long overdue and didn’t surprise him, though he loathed that he’d have less time to work with Rey when he was just starting to gain some trust, however small it may be, from her. Being called before Snoke though, was always somewhat ominous, and now, with the Supreme Leader the only one he wouldn’t be able to protect Rey from, it was increasingly so. The leeway he’d been granted could be revoked at any time.

He closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Chances were the meeting would have nothing to do with Rey and everything to do with the impending attack on D’Qar. It did him no good to worry about it.

The sound of light footsteps brought him out of his mind, and he glanced at Rey, prowling now on the edges of the kitchen in impatience for her dinner. She’d taken a shower, her hair was still damp and tied up into a messy knot. It was utilitarian, careless, and somehow did nothing to detract from her looks. If anything, she was more adorable for it.

She noticed him staring and her eyes narrowed, a small frown marring her face, “What?”

“Nothing,” he answered, a small smile on his lips as he grabbed the forks and napkins, setting them down on the table before going back for the plates. Rey’s eyes followed them as he placed them on the table, immediately sitting down as soon as the plate was on the table.

“Don’t start eating until I sit down,” he said, sharply. She was already staring raptly at her plate, fork in hand, and jumped at his voice. He got a scowl, but she waited, glaring at him until he took his seat and picked up his fork, before beginning to stab at her pieces of nerf meat with her typical ferocity.

He poked at his own food before spearing a piece of meat, speaking before popping it into his mouth, “I’m going to be put back on active duty.”

Rey looked up from her plate, brow furrowing, “What does that mean?”

“Mostly that I won’t be here as much,” he thought he saw a flash of trepidation in her eyes, but it was hard to tell for sure. “Which also means you’ll be in your room more.” She frowned deeply at that, which was almost amusing considering until today she’d never come out willingly when he was around. He glanced down, taking his time as he speared another piece of meat, “If you want any more holobooks to keep yourself occupied, let me know any other topics you're interested in.”

She looked away, “I don’t want anything from you,” she grumbled.

He rolled his eyes as he chewed. Once he swallowed, he dabbed his mouth with his napkin and then answered, “Fine. But the offer is there if you decide that you do.” Leaving it at that, he continued to eat... but Rey just stared down at her plate. If there would ever be a larger red flag that she was upset than not eating, he couldn’t imagine what it would be.

“What about training?” she blurted out, not looking up.

Someone was proving themselves to be a liar about not wanting anything from him. He smirked inwardly, they may had made more progress today than he even realized. Looking up, he studied her a moment, “Do you _want_ to keep training?”

Her body stiffened and it was a long pause before she answered, her mind clearly apprehensive and in debate. “I… I’d like to do some more things like today,” she muttered, finally, eyes darting to look anywhere but at him.

That one sentence seemed like a greater victory than he’d ever had in any battle. “Then I’ll find a way to make time for us to work on it,” he took another bite as her eyes darted to him and away. “I should be here for breakfast and dinner as well, at least most of the time.”

She darted her eyes to him and nodded, still frowning, before nodding curtly and beginning to once again focus on shovelling food into her mouth. He averted his gaze and concentrated on his own meal, doing his best to ignore the scraping noise as she tried to get every last bit of the sauce that the meat had been in off the plate with the side of the fork. At least that was better than her trying to lick the plate clean.

As soon as he set his fork down she made to get up and he shook his head, “Don’t get up yet.”

“Why?” she looked at him suspiciously as she dropped back into the chair.

He got up, taking away the plates, “First, because I said so, and second, because I’ve got us a treat.”

“A treat?” her tone was still suspicious, her eyes following him as he dropped the plates into the reclamation chute and grabbed the two smaller covered plates. He practically could feel her eyes fixated on them the moment she saw them.

“Yes, but…” he set the a plate down in front of him and then held the other up a moment, “if you want to have it, you have to eat it slowly. I want you to wait at least thirty seconds between bites.”

She didn’t like that, judging from the way her eyes narrowed and her nose crinkled angrily, but she kept her mouth shut as he put the plate down and took the cover off before returning to his own seat.

For a minute she just stared at the dish. A small cream cake, drizzled with a red syrup of mixed berries and topped with frothed bantha cream. Her eyes practically bugged out of their sockets. She picked up the small dessert fork on the plate and then paused, glaring the utensil and then to him, “Why is it so tiny?!”

Taking a small bite, “So you can’t eat half of it in one bite. This is a treat, you savor it.”

Still glaring at him, she jabbed the small fork into the cake, picking up as much as she could on it and shoving it into her mouth. A noise somewhere between a moan and a squeal escaped her and she immediately scooped another bite onto the fork, it was three fourths of the way to her mouth, when he cleared his throat and she froze.

“Thirty second between bites or I’m taking the rest away,” he said firmly, ignoring how she hunched slightly over the plate protectively at his words. Hopefully she’d cooperate, because he was pretty sure he might get bitten if he tried to grab the plate away from her, or stabbed with a dessert fork, or both.

She glowered at him the whole half minute before shoving the next bite in her mouth. Her anger lost in ecstasy the moment she did, her eyes rolling back and another moan escaping her and her foot literally stomping into the floor. He found himself watching her with rapt fascination as her eyes rolled back at the taste, his eyes following her tongue as it darted out to lick a bit of the blue cream from her lips.

“I take it you like it?” he asked, amused, a touch of sarcasm in his tone.

“Gods,” she mumbled, waiting impatiently before dipping her fork back into it, “this is the most amazing thing I ever ate in my life.” As she took the next bite she rocked in her chair, groaning and taking her time before swallowing it.

When she finished, she stared down at the empty plate with something like desolation in her eyes, licking the fork repeatedly, which probably shouldn’t have been as much of a turn on as it was. Studying the plate, her eyes darted to him a moment, something calculating and devious seeming there. He frowned, but didn’t even have time to fully process her expression before she snatched her plate up and began to lick it frantically.

“Rey!”

Fuck, she was looking over the top of plate at him and challenging him to make her stop. “If you ever want me to give you dessert again, you’ll put that plate down _now._ ”

That caused her to freeze, lowering the plate to reveal a full on pout on her face, which was now smeared with blue bantha cream and red syrup. He shook his head at her as she put the plate back on the table, licking at her lips. Glancing down at the cake he had left, he stood up, picking up his napkin, “Come here.”

She glared suspiciously and he firmed his own gaze, “Come here, _now_ , Rey.” Slowly, she got up and walked over, fearful but with a defiant gleam in her eye. When she was standing in front of him he dabbed the edge of his napkin into his water glass, and gently reached forward and began to clean the cream and syrup from her face. She tensed, a startled, before beginning to relax.

“If you ever do that again,” he paused to dip the end of the napkin back into the water, “you won’t ever get dessert again, I’m serious.” She didn’t answer, just glowered at him. He flipped to the dry side of the napkin and dried her face, his other hand on her shoulder, “I’m not asking for much, just some basic decorum.”

The look she gave him seemed to say his “basic decorum” was stupid, but he ignored that, setting the napkin down on the table, one hand still on her shoulder, as he picked up the fork and scooped a small bite onto it. Her eyes darted to it as he raised it up for her, her eyes darting between him and the fork as if she couldn’t believe he was giving her some if his cake. Her eyes rolled back as her mouth closed around the fork. He took the next bite for himself before offering her another, having trouble breaking his eyes away from her mouth as her lips parted for the fork.

He alternated bites between the two of them until it was finished, then set the fork down on the plate and picked the napkin up again, wiping her mouth clean, ignoring the puzzled expression at his actions.

“I don’t ask for much, Rey. And everything you give to me I’ll give back to you in kind,” he murmured. Leaning forward, he brushed a kiss to her forehead, impulsively. It was probably not a good idea, she tensed immediately under his hand, and took several steps back eying him warily.

He gave her a soft smile before turning and clearing the table, feeling her confused gaze resting on him as he worked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter works. The first section had it's own level of domestic weirdness with little bit OCD Kylo. 
> 
> Am I setting up some actual plot movement with this meeting with Snoke? Maaayyyybeee...
> 
> Thank you all for the wonderful comments and for liking this fic :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Loyalty to you ,” Hux snapped. “Not the order.”
> 
> “Loyalty to the order will come from loyalty to me,” he stepped towards the hologram. “Supreme Leader, I will deliver you the map. I will deliver you the girl as a willing weapon to add to your arsenal. But I need time .”
> 
> The hologram leaned back, clearly lost a moment in thought. “My patience is not infinite in this matter.” Snoke folded his fingers together before looking down again, “The only reason I have had any is the knowledge that the Resistance lacks the full map to Skywalker. If we do not destroy the threat during the assault on the Ileenium system, know that my patience will be at an end. I will not risk the Resistance finding the last Jedi before us.”
> 
> He nodded, trying to keep his voice steady, “Of course, Supreme Leader.”
> 
> Snoke frowned, still in thought, “I think it’s time I meet this girl .”
> 
> Sucking in a breath, “I do not know if that is---”
> 
> “I do not care what you think. It is time for me to see if she really is worth the time we are wasting, if she is as strong as you think she is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooph. Sorry for the delay between updates. Work is kicking my ass very thoroughly and cutting into my writing time, and I now have five WIPs cause I can't seem to kill plot bunnies. 
> 
> And OMFG guys four days four days I'm seeing the movie in four days *screams and runs around like a spaz in excitement*

She was feeling very confused.

If it was just about Ren, she probably would have been less disturbed by it as a whole. That man was the most bizarre and befuddling person she’d ever met. From the way he seemed to constantly put things back in their place, to how he absolutely fixated on her feet yesterday when she’d put them on the chair, to the way he’d looked at her while she was eating the cake--- the utterly _amazing_ cake--- at dinner last night. It had been so good that she had stared down at the plate, still smeared with so much deliciousness, loathing the thought of any of that going to waste.

He didn’t seem to approve of licking a plate clean. Then again he didn’t seem to approve of most rational things. She’d finished every meal on Jakku by licking every last bit of residue of her vegmeat and every last crumb of polystarch from her plate. When you sometimes had to survive on a quarter portion a day, you didn’t let any bit of nourishment go.

It didn’t seem like that was something Ren would understand. She doubted he’d ever had to miss a meal in his life.

So she had known it was something she wasn’t supposed to do, according to his ridiculous rules that he kept forcing on her. And she’d pretty much decided he could go kriff himself, she wasn’t about to waste any of the sweet cream or syrup smeared on that plate. There’d been a feeling of petty triumph at the horror on his face, and she’d pretty much glared at him over the edge of the plate, making sure he _knew_ she was being defiant. Fuck him and his stupid rules.

She really had intended to push her luck, defy him full out and risk his temper. Try to see exactly how far she could push him… but then he’d said something that had caused her to almost freeze in her place.

_“If you ever want me to give you dessert again, you’ll put that plate down now.”_

_Again_ . If you ever want me to give you dessert _again_. She hadn’t really even been able to fathom that this was something that wasn’t a one off. And the realization that she’d have something that amazing again in the future…

So she’d put the plate down, not exactly happy that she had to and even less happy knowing that she was giving in to him. And when he ordered her over to him she was a bit worried she might have pissed him off worse than she thought, but she came over and he… cleaned her face.

That was pretty high on the weirdness scale. Ren wiping her face clean, while babbling on about “basic decorum” whatever the fuck that was supposed to be. It reminded her of a mother happabore she once watched as it licked its pup’s face clean, strangely gentle and almost doting.

And then when he was done he had shared the rest of _his_ cake with her, which had taken her so much by surprise she wasn’t even sure what he was doing at first when he held the fork to her. And gods that cake, it was worth dealing with the way he seemed to stare at her mouth when she took each bite he offered her.

It had been bizarre, strangely intimate, and so odd that a man she knew capable of such violence could also be that… _affectionate_ , for lack of a better term. He’d even kissed her forehead, which freaked her out a bit, though again, it had seemed more affectionate than… well…

Burrowing into her nest of blankets, she shook her head, chasing away that line of thought. Ren was strange, his confusing her wasn’t exactly surprising. No, it was her own confused feelings and behavior that was really disturbing her.

She was giving in to him, letting him teach her. Worse, she wanted him to show her more. Giving him exactly what he had wanted from her from the very beginning. When he’d praised her she’d felt good, felt proud of herself.

And she was craving company. She sought him out yesterday, instead of hiding since she knew he was out. As much as she tried to justify it by having wanted to ask him why he’d chosen the memory for her to find when she looked into his mind, she knew she was lying to herself. She hadn’t wanted to be alone.

It seemed harmless, but she was afraid she was losing herself. For a long time, all she could think of was how to find a way to get back to Jakku, get back and hope she wasn’t too late. That had faded now, faded and left a hole of doubt that she’d ever go back. That hope, the hope that had sustained her for the majority of her life, was slipping away.

She would never be found. If someone did come back, she wouldn’t be there.

If she let that hope die, what would be left for her? What would be the point of keeping going?

Her eyes stung, she curled into a ball in the tangle of blankets and closed them tight, ignoring the wetness seeping from them. Willing herself to sleep, to stop the constant churn of her mind for at least a little while.

 

* * *

 

_She was standing on top of a tall dune of sand, looking down at sprawling expanse of sand bordering an endless ocean._

_But not her own ocean, no, her ocean was rugged and wild in its beauty-- an endless expanse of dark blue broken by an island of ragged black rock topped by lush green. This ocean was less wild, though the waves still rolled rough and choppy, they did it in a smoother, less forceful way than hers did. The water was a silvery grey, reflecting the dense grey clouds covering the sky above them, and the waves rolled in over smooth sand. The sand rose up into a series of dunes that reminded her much of the sand dunes of Jakku, though the vegetation dotting the the rises of sand, while sparse, made it clear that this was a more hospitable place._

_From her vantage point, she could see the stretch of the shoreline, see how the rolling waves created a contrast of wet sand to the dry. The wind blew around her, carrying on it a light mist that dampened her skin. Sea birds called to one another, soaring above the waves, and as her eyes followed one as it dipped down to the water, skimming the surface for a moment before rising back up into the grey sky._

_Her eyes followed it, realizing how much she’d missed having a sky above her. How much she missed having earth and sky sprawling around her, open and seeming so endless. This wasn’t real though, no more than her own ocean was. And when she opened her eyes she’d find her world was still limited by the oppressive metal walls, shrunk down to a few rooms._

_Someone else was here, she realized, suddenly. They were like a bright light blazing in the emptiness here, a light that she couldn’t see but could feel, somehow. After a brief hesitation, she began to walk, descending down the dune towards the water below, her hand stretching out to feel the coarse texture of the grasses growing from the sand. None of this--- sand, sky, sea, birds--- none of it was real. But that light blazing somewhere down there was, there was no doubt in her mind._

_The loose sand rolled easily, sliding under her feet and cascading down the steep path she was following towards the shoreline. She paid it no mind, easily balancing as the ground below her shifted and slid. There was little difference between walking on the sand dune here or walking on one in the graveyard of ships on Jakku._

_When she reached the flat expanse of sand that ran along the shore, she walked to the edge of the water for a moment. A large wave rolled in, and she jumped back to keep the water from flooding over her boots. Taking it all in, she turned, walking along the firm, wet sand at the waterline, heading towards the light she could feel ahead of her._

_Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she found him. Sitting on a piece of driftwood, bare feet sinking into wet sand as the waves rolled over them. It was a boy, a child. One that was skinny and gawky, his proportions were not quite right, as if some parts of his body were still trying to catch up with the others. His nose a little too long for his face, his eyes a little too big. His large ears stood out against the black hair, curled ever so slightly, the ends curling upward from where it hung just above his ears._

_She froze as she realized she knew exactly who he was._

_He looked up, brown eyes widening in surprise. His eyes seemed wet, as if he had been crying. His mouth opened and shut once before he licked his lips and spoke, “What are you doing here?”_

_“I…” she looked around, “I’m dreaming.”_

_One side of the boys mouth crooked up, reminding her of the man he would be… or the man he was… she wasn’t sure what tense worked here. “This is my dream,” he answered, shaking his head before scooting over to make space on the driftwood he was sitting on. “You shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be able to be here… not while taking that suppressant.”_

_Frowning, she looked at space he made on the driftwood._

_“I’m not going to remember any of this, so just sit awhile.”_

_She blinked, “What do you mean?”_

_“All I ever remember is the ocean.”_

_For a minute she just stood, before walking over and sitting down next to him. He looked up at her and gave her another crooked smile. She felt the light emanating from him flare a moment, burning brighter, warmer, leaving her basking in the glow._

_“What is this place?” she asked after they sat in silence for awhile._

_“The last place I considered home.”_

_She frowned again, looking at him puzzled, not sure what to make of that answer, not sure what to make of him. “You’re him but you’re not him,” she blurted out. “Is, are you who he was? I don’t understand.”_

_The boy smirked, it was a familiar smirk, one she’d seen in the adult version of him, backed by an amused and cocky gleam in his brown eyes, “I’m a part of him. Part of the past, part of the present, part of the future. He can’t kill me, though he has tried.”_

_Her brow furrowed, “I don’t understand.”_

_His head shook, ever so slightly, before looking back out at the sea, “You don’t need to.”_

 

* * *

She seemed a little distracted at breakfast.

It took him awhile to notice. He was fairly preoccupied in his own thoughts as he reviewed the D’Qar strategy and battle plan, feeling a mixture of relief and irritation. Hux had not modified numbers, blowing off his suggestion to double the numbers of their forces and the fleet. Arrogance was going to be that smarmy little prick’s downfall.

The relief was disturbing. He needed to school his emotions, especially with the impending meeting with Snoke this afternoon. If the Supreme Leader sensed his weakness… sensed that there was part of him who would prefer this to fail, to see Organa be able to flee…

He didn’t want to think about what would happen if Snoke sensed it. And it wouldn’t be the first time he hid his true feelings or intent from the Supreme Leader. His eyes flicked at the girl, and he wondered if it would be something he’d have to do even more often now.

Hopefully she wouldn’t be brought up. Not yet. Not until he had more time to make progress.

“Have you ever seen an ocean?”

Her voice snapped him out of his thoughts, “Sorry?”

“An ocean, have you ever seen one?”

He raised his eyebrows, feeling slightly amused by the question. The timing of it was strange… he didn’t remember much of his dream beyond the rolling waves of Chandrila’s sea--- the beach by their house there when he was a kid. They’d moved when he was maybe eight or nine, never really staying put for more than half a year after that as his mother’s work kept them bouncing from one planet to the next.

“I’ve seen many,” he said, keeping the response simple. “They’re not uncommon.”

A tinge of pink rose in her cheeks and she looked away, “Oh, right, of course.”

Glancing down, he bit his lip. It hadn’t been his intent to embarrass her, and he was realizing he had probably unintentionally rubbed her nose in how little she’d seen and experienced beyond that sandball she’d been dumped on. She certainly had never seen an ocean, a real ocean, only the one she imagined and dreamed.

“We lived right next to the ocean when I was young,” he shrugged, feeling a need to fill the awkward silence with something. “From the back deck you could look out across the water to the horizon.”

She stared at him, almost scrutinizingly, before glancing away, “Oh.” Her eyes looked down at her empty plate, looking slightly listless, “I miss the sky. Sometimes I would scale the Destroyers in the graveyard so I was above everything and could see the sand and sky spreading out for miles.”

He frowned, not sure what to make of this conversation and feeling slightly relieved as they fell into a long silence. Picking up his last piece of toast, he spread jam on it before leaning across the table and dropping it onto her plate. She glanced down, slightly startled, before picking it up and taking nearly a third of it in one bite. He looked away so he wouldn’t have to watch her cheeks bulging as she chomped away on it.

“Thank you.” A quiet murmur, one he nearly missed. He looked up at her and she gave him a very small smile before tearing off another huge bite.

Looking away, again, he smiled, shaking his head, before replying in a slightly exasperated tone, “You’re welcome.”

 

* * *

 

“Gentlemen.”

The giant hologram looked down upon the two of them, hands clasped together, voice echoing slightly in the communication chamber. He stood, masked, next to Hux, who stood stiffly in front of the specter of the Supreme Leader.

“What is our status in regards to the preparations?”

Hux licked his lips, “The battle plans are being finalized and the fleet is being readied. We will crush the Resistance base and rid ourselves once and for all of the terrorists.”

“Hmmm…” Snoke’s eyes seemed to glitter a moment, “Kylo Ren. What is your opinion on the battle plan?”

He straightened slightly, caught a bit by surprise. His feedback had been given and apparently ignored, “As I stated in one of the initial planning meetings, we should be at least doubling the amount of ships. The current numbers underestimate the Resistance.”

“ _Underestimates_ ,” Hux scoffed under his breath.

Snoke’s eyes narrowed, “And why did you not bring your concerns to my attention?”

Slowly turning his head to look at the general, he spoke slowly, “My understanding was that Hux would bring my concerns to your attention when he presented the plan to you.”

Hux shifted uncomfortably as Snoke’s gaze fell on him, “I did not believe his concern to be valid, Supreme Leader… I did not want to waste your time…”

“SILENCE.”

The redhead’s mouth snapped shut and the room fell silent as Snoke frowned, looking away, eyes thoughtful.

“Double the fleet,” Snoke said at last.

His heart fluttered and he took a deep breath, getting himself under control before Snoke could sense his traitorous emotions.

“With the Republic fleet destroyed the Resistance is hardly more than a gnat to be swatted! Supreme Leader, the current plan is more than capable of---”

“GENERAL,” the room shook with the force of Snoke’s voice and Hux once again snapped his mouth closed. “Double the fleet. I want no risk, no chance of escape. We will crush them under our heel and be done with them.”

“Y-yes, Supreme Leader.”

Snoke’s eyes turned to him again, “Your fighter prototype has been made.”

“I inspected it a few days ago, it appears to have been constructed to my specifications,” he stated.

“Schedule a test flight. In two days I wish to see if this fighter is as impressive as you seem to think it is. If it performs to my satisfaction, you will lead the fighter squadron during our assault.”

He bowed his head. Yes, he was more than happy to show off that fighter, “I am quite sure you’ll be pleased, Supreme Leader.”

“We shall see,” Snoke smiled a small, almost cruel smile. “Things are falling into place, with the Resistance gone and the Republic in ruins, most systems will quickly fall into line.”

Snoke’s hologram leaned back in it’s giant throne, “That leaves only one topic left to discuss.”

His eyes glittered and he leaned forward, “The girl?”

The mask hid his sharp wince, for which was grateful. Next to him Hux pulled himself up straighter, a small smirk on his smug face, “There is progress.”

“You’re progress hasn’t resulted in the map,” Hux interceded, snidely. He turned and glared at him through his visor.

“I will get the map,” he snapped. “She will give it willingly in the end.”

Hux glowered, “That girl is a rabid dog. She nearly killed one of the medics. She had a hand in the destruction of Starkiller. This waste of time---”

“How much progress has been made?” Snoke turned his full attention on him, cutting off Hux’s protest.

“I’m gaining her trust. It is slow, but coming.” Snoke gave a dissatisfied frown and he hurried to add, “First will come trust. Then will come loyalty.”

“Loyalty to _you_ ,” Hux snapped. “Not the order.”

“Loyalty to the order will come from loyalty to me,” he stepped towards the hologram. “Supreme Leader, I will deliver you the map. I will deliver you the girl as a willing weapon to add to your arsenal. But I need _time_.”

The hologram leaned back, clearly lost a moment in thought. “My patience is not infinite in this matter.” Snoke folded his fingers together before looking down again, “The only reason I have had any is the knowledge that the Resistance lacks the full map to Skywalker. If we do not destroy the threat during the assault on the Ileenium system, know that my patience will be at an end. I will not risk the Resistance finding the last Jedi before us.”

He nodded, trying to keep his voice steady, “Of course, Supreme Leader.”

Snoke frowned, still in thought, “I think it’s time I meet this _girl_.”

Sucking in a breath, “I do not know if that is---”

“I do not care what you think. It is time for me to see if she really is worth the time we are wasting, if she is as strong as you think she is.”

This wasn’t good. Rey wasn’t ready for this, and if it went wrong it could easily shatter the fragile trust in their relationship. And she was still too wild, too standoffish, too likely to say the wrong thing and set off Snoke’s temper.

Snoke glanced between him and Hux, “After you test the new fighter, we shall meet here and discuss the results and our plans. Bring the girl with.”

There was no room being left for discussion on this subject, “Y-yes Supreme Leader.”

He could feel the smugness rolling off Hux and resisted the urge to throttle the man.

“Two days,” Snoke said as his hologram flickered out.

Two days.

Two days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life and energy, so please let me know what you think :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“This anger serves nothing, Ben.”_
> 
> He gritted his teeth as Skywalker’s voice filled his head.
> 
> _“Suppressing it isn’t the Jedi way, no more than acting on it would be. You need to release it. Acknowledge it and release it. Otherwise it would be better for you to act on it, at least that would release it. Shoving it down and ignoring it just leaves it to linger, to poison you.”_
> 
> Yeah, Luke, shut the fuck up, please. Right or not, shut the fuck up. He exhaled a shaky breath as he reached his quarters, slamming his hand on the access panel before entering his pass code, stomping into the room, shaking.
> 
> Suppressing his rage had always been a surefire way to poison himself. Not that magically releasing it was ever in the cards for him, that’s what Luke never could understand. There was only one way to release the pressure. His hand shook as it wrapped around his lightsaber and a snarl of fury left his throat as he ignited it and turned all of his rage on the kitchen table, not stopping until it was scraps and molten metal.

The initial shock of Snoke’s demand was quickly washed away in his growing anxiety, and as strode through the hallways of the Finalizer back to his quarters that anxiety was very quickly being replaced with rage.

This could ruin everything, kill every bit of progress he’d made and trust he’d spent the last few weeks building. If she displeased Snoke, if she was standoffish or stubborn or gods forbid talked back, his master would have no patience for her, and would quickly show her why such disrespect was a poor choice. And if that happened, if he had to stand back and watch her get punished or tortured… she would blame him for doing nothing to help her just as equally as she blamed Snoke for causing the hurt.

And Hux… oh that son of a bitch was just oh so smug about this.

The ever growing rage was reaching a critical mass, and he shoved it down as best he could, trying to keep himself from losing his shit right here in the hallway and taking his anger out on the walls.

_“This anger serves nothing, Ben.”_

He gritted his teeth as Skywalker’s voice filled his head.

_“Suppressing it isn’t the Jedi way, no more than acting on it would be. You need to release it. Acknowledge it and release it. Otherwise it would be better for you to act on it, at least that would release it. Shoving it down and ignoring it just leaves it to linger, to poison you.”_

Yeah, Luke, shut the fuck up, please. Right or not, shut the fuck up. He exhaled a shaky breath as he reached his quarters, slamming his hand on the access panel before entering his pass code, stomping into the room, shaking.

Suppressing his rage had always been a surefire way to poison himself. Not that magically releasing it was ever in the cards for him, that’s what Luke never could understand. There was only one way to release the pressure. His hand shook as it wrapped around his lightsaber and a snarl of fury left his throat as he ignited it and turned all of his rage on the kitchen table, not stopping until it was scraps and molten metal.

Thumbing off his saber, he stared down, feeling more under control. Holstering the saber back on his belt, he walked to his bedroom, pausing in the doorway to look at Rey’s door.

Normally he’d let her out as soon as he came back.

He looked at the table, debating between leaving her locked up until he got the mess cleaned up or just dealing with the questions. After minute he turned to a nearby access panel unlocked her door before walking into his bedroom. He secured his lightsaber in a locked cabinet that the girl couldn’t get into before pulling his mask of and setting it on the bed. His gloves followed, then belt, each put down neatly next to his helmet. As he was about to pull off his surcoat, he felt her, and glanced over his shoulder to see her staring at him with apprehension from the doorway.

“What… um... “ she nodded her head back towards the ruins of the table, “happened?”

Turning back to face the bed, he pulled off his surcoat, folding it before setting it down on top of his gloves and belt, “I was upset.”

“At...” her voice trailed off as he pulled off his arm guards,leaving him in his sleeveless undershirt. Turning around, his lips twitched slightly to find her ogling his torso and arms. Her cheeks flushed and she quickly found her voice again as he sat down on the edge of the bed, unlacing his boots, “At… um, you were upset at the table?”

He gave her an amused glance, “Not at the table specifically.” She didn’t say anything as he finished taking his boots off, picking them up and setting them neatly in their spot next to his dresser, nor as he put away the rest of the clothes. With that done, he walked over to the bed and smoothed the wrinkles from the sheet that had been left when he sat down.

She was still leaning on the doorway, watching him. He turned to face again, raising an eyebrow to see if she had anything else she wanted to say.

Her head turned to look back at the table before meeting his eyes again, “So… where do we eat now?”

The laugh in response to that couldn’t have been suppressed if he wanted to.

 

* * *

 

He called for a service droid to deliver a new table and clean up the mess he’d made. Since he had to let the droid in and out of the locked room, he camped out on the couch with his datapad, not really reading anything on it. Most of his mind was in a whirlwind as he tried to determine what his best course of action would be with the impending introduction to Snoke.

Two days was not a lot of time to make sure she was well behaved enough to avoid Snoke’s temper. Not a lot of time to make his progress stand out. He wasn't worried about her force abilities, Snoke would be feeling her out for raw potential, not trained skill, but his master would also want to see that she was malleable enough to learn to submit and serve.

She had been watching the service droid work in rapt curiosity, probably since it was the first… being, if you could call a droid that… she'd scene since leaving the medbay for his quarters. After awhile she got bored and began to weave her way towards him, trying too hard to make it look like she wasn't heading towards him on purpose.

To his surprise, she eventually came and sat down next to him. She was sure to keep a foot or so between them, but still, she could have chose to sit in the chair as far from him as possible, or on the far end of the couch. Instead she'd chosen to sit next to him.

He glanced up at her from his datapad and gave her a small smile before breaking eye contact. Staring at a skittish animal was a surefire way to scare it away, and his girl was a skittish Tooka.

“What were you so upset about?” She looked down at her hands, avoiding looking at him. Some of her hair had escaped the knot she had it tied back in, and when she looked down it fell across the side of her face.

His eyes were drawn to the hair hanging down in front of her cheek. “Don’t worry about it,” he murmured, resisting the urge to reach out and run his fingers through the strands.

She raised her chin and glanced over her shoulder where the droid was finishing cleaning up and was assembling the replacement table. The strands of escaped hair swaying as she did so, and his fingers twitched. “Yeah…” she rolled her eyes slightly towards him, sarcasm heavy in her voice, “why would _that_ make me worry.”

He had to fight the urge to smirk at that. Snoke wouldn’t find her attitude amusing, and this was the sort of thing that was going to get her into a world of hurt. A wave of anxiety hit him at the thought, and impulsively he reached out and caught the loose strands of hair between two fingers, gently letting it run through his fingers. It was coarse, he knew that already, from when he’d pulled her hair back into a ponytail when he gave her the hair tie.

Rey froze, staring at him, “W-what are you doing?”

“Hrmmmm?” This was calming, he began to brush the strands out with his fingers. It reminded him of when he was little and he’d braid his mother’s hair and she would run her fingers through his own. Bonding that way was an Alderaanian thing, one that she’d carried on with him.

He hadn’t thought about it in years.

“Why are you touching my hair?” there was an edge of fear, ever so slight to her voice, and that was enough to snap him out of the blissful haze he’d fallen into. Hell, what was he doing? Of course this would freak her out.

Letting his hand fall away took effort, “Sorry.”

“‘Sokay,” she muttered, giving him a sideways look.

Sighing, he raked his hand through his own hair, “The Supreme Leader wants to meet you.”

Her brow furrowed, “What does that mean?”

He rolled his eyes, what that meant was pretty obvious, “It means in two days I’m bringing you to a meeting with him through holo. _And_ it means you’re going to behave yourself.”

Judging by the way her eyes narrowed and her mouth pressed together into a fine line, she didn’t like that. “Rey…” He reached out and caught her chin, holdin her gaze to his own, “I’m not fucking around, you’re going to behave, you’re going to keep your mouth shut unless you're spoken to, you will polite and deferent.”

She glared as she challenged him, “And if I’m not?”

“Rey, do you remember me telling you I’m protecting you?” She said nothing, but again her eyes narrowed. “Once we’re before Snoke, I can’t help you. Your fate is going to be in your own hands.”

A sharp beep made them both jump, and he glanced over at the service droid, now finished with its duties, requesting to be let out of the room. He got to his feet, heading to the door to let the droid out, glancing back at Rey, “Once we’re in that room you’re on your own.”

 

* * *

 

Dinner was small hunks of nerf meat in a brown gravy that was so good that she could have drunk the stuff. Along with it was a large scoop of wilted greens of some sort and a mashed root vegetable that was creamy and a little sweet. She’d had both the meat and the root vegetable before, but the greens were new, and new food got her excited. So as soon as they were seated at the new table, she shovelled a forkful into her mouth, groaning slightly as she chewed. They were a little tough and slightly bitter, but in an appealing way.

She was still chewing her first bite when she shoved another into her mouth, and Ren cleared his throat. Her hand tightened around the fork and she glared at him across the table. He just gave her a pointed look and she waited until she swallowed what was in her mouth before taking the next bite---which she made sure was the largest she could get on the stupid fork---and raised her eyebrows at him, speaking through the mouthful of food, a few bits of half chewed greens spitting from her mouth as she talked, “Happy?”

He sighed, rubbing a hand across his face and looking away from her, “I was till you forgot to swallow before talking.” She rolled her eyes, stupid stupid rules.

“How about you practice not being a smartass for the next few days?” Ren’s tone was annoyed, but she sensed concern behind it and she looked down at her plate. She had avoided thinking much about their interaction this afternoon, since everything about it was making her anxious and getting anxious was making her aggravated.

Her mind kept creeping towards the memory of him kind of playing with her hair. It had been weird, him running the loose strands between his fingers with a dazed and blissful look on his face. When she asked him what he was doing he seemed to snap out of it letting her hair go quickly and pulling back, but it had been one of those things like when he obsessively stared at her feet when she had them on the chair… something that was more impulse or compulsion. He was a strange man, one moment seeming completely in control, the next destroying things, then back in control to lose himself playing affectionately with her hair.

She wasn’t sure what to make of the impending meeting with the supreme leader. Part of her wanted to rebel, to make it known she didn’t want to be here, never wanted to be here. But another part of her whispered nervously that she should heed Ren’s warnings. He was genuinely concerned, and while he could just be worried about how it would reflect on him if she acted out, that wasn’t the sense she got from him. He was worried, about her.

“How… I mean, what should I expect? For this meeting?” she mumbled, looking down at her plate and shoveling a forkful of nerf meat into her mouth.

As she chewed she looked up to find him looking at her intently. “I’ll be gone most of the morning but come get you before the meeting and bring you to the communication chamber with me.” He paused, “Other topics might be discussed first, that depends on what the Supreme Leader wants. Until you’re called forward you’ll stand behind me and you _will_ be quiet.”

Her teeth sank into her lip in annoyance.

He dropped his fork onto his plate, “Yes. Quiet. You’re going to speak only if you’re spoken to, and then answer direct and politely. Answer anything Snoke asks you honestly, he’ll know if you’re lying.”

Looking down at her plate, she poked the food, “You’ll be there? The whole time?”

“Yes…” his voice trailed off uneasily and her eyes shot up to meet his. “I should be. But I won’t be able to help you.”

Nodding once, she went back to eating, trying to distract herself from thinking too much about what was coming.

 

* * *

 

He thought he might have gotten through to her, or at least got her worried enough that she’d keep herself inline. Of course, all of that depended on more than a few variables, most of which he had left out, not wanting to get her ire up when she was taking this seriously.

There was a lot of things that could go wrong, but the biggest revolved around the map. If Snoke pressed for the map her rebellious spirit would come out, and gods knew what happened then. If Snoke opted to have patience, to give him the time he needed to get her to give it to them willingly, then they might get through this okay.

Sighing, he rolled onto his side, his mind immediately thinking of how her hair felt between his fingers. Shaking his head, he tried to clear it of the memory of it. It had been compulsive, and the last thing he needed was to constantly be fighting the urge to play with the kriffing girl’s hair. The intent might have been affectionate, but she certainly hadn’t understood that. She’d just been confused.

With the test run of the Silencer upcoming, he had plenty of other things he should be thinking about. Not about how coarse her hair felt between his fingers.

Not that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of 'eh' about this chapter. Not my strongest and it's kind of a filler chapter to get to the Snoke meeting next.
> 
> That said, people often prove me wrong when I don't like my writing so I hope that happens for this one too.
> 
> Hope this Ren isn't too strange. He's got some OCD issues, that's for sure.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her heart stuttered. It shouldn’t really be a surprise that they intended to attack the Resistance, but it still made her feel slightly panicked. Would Chewie be with them? Would Finn if he had survived?
> 
> “Supreme Leader, I would not question your choices, but—” Hux began.
> 
> “But you are going to question the Leader’s choices?” Ren interjected, smugly.
> 
> The redhead narrowed his blue eyes and glared at Ren, “But—given Ren’s… familiar ties… perhaps his participation in the assault is… unwise.”
> 
> Ren stiffened, his fists clenching at his sides as he turned slowly towards Hux, “Are you questioning my loyalty to the Order, General?”
> 
> “Of course not,” Hux said, voice silky. “I’m just considering that your emotions might overcome you if faced with… well…”
> 
> “She is dead to me,” Ren hissed through gritted teeth.
> 
> Her brow furrowed, not sure what they were talking about.
> 
> Hux flicked his gaze to her, scanning her up and down with contempt, “I can’t imagine why I might be worried about your emotions getting between you and a goal for the order.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I need to go to the barn so this is pretty much unedited. Whee, ninja edits will probably happen later, but hopefully it isn't too bad.

_The meaty hand wrapped around her small arm, dragging her to her feet._

_“You’ve been slacking, girl,” Plutt grumbled. “You didn’t go out with Tac yesterday.”_

_She glared, trying to jerk her arm out of the crolute’s grip. “He hit me last time.”_

_Plutt snorted, “You were either cheeky or didn’t do what you were told.”_

_“The wreckage he wanted me to go into was unstable!”_

_Waving his free hand dismissively, Plutt leaned down, “Until you learn how to earn your keep on your own, you don’t get to decide where you go or what spaces you’re going to crawl into.” He held up a bottle, “Your food and water, girl, are earned, not given. This is your water ration for today.”_

_Her eyes widened as the brute spun the bottle open and poured the contents into the sand, “No water for you today. Or any portions for the next three days. Maybe then you’ll understand.”_

 

* * *

She woke up with a headache and feeling somewhat disoriented. Typically, if she wasn’t up by breakfast, Ren would wake her up. It took her a few minutes to remember him telling her that he wouldn’t be here for breakfast this morning and that she’d have a ration bar delivered to her room. Later in the day he’d come and bring her with him to see the Supreme Leader.

Despite the warmth of the blankets around her, she shivered, Ren’s warnings playing in her mind. Warnings that both angered her for telling her how she was supposed to behave and terrified her because Ren himself had been afraid for her.

Crawling out of her tangled nest of blankets, she walked across the room to where the dispenser had been built into the wall. It was the first time since she’d woken up here that it had been used. A small, dry, rectangular nutrient stick sat waiting there. She crinkled her nose, frowning. After weeks of eating a crazy variety of real foods, the synthetic ration bar looked entirely unappealing.

But it was food, being disappointed in a meal was a ridiculous way to feel. Food was food, you didn’t turn it down. Grabbing the ration bar, she gnawed at it. It was dry and seemed to pull moisture from her mouth. Grimacing, she went to the bathroom and filled a cup with water, draining the glass once and refilling it. Sitting down at the desk, she set down the glass and the bar, studying her meal.

Food and water. On Jakku she would have been grateful, a glass of clean water and a meal, there had been a time in her life when she’d gone without either. Times when she was young that Plutt had withheld not just her food but even her water rations to punish her for not working hard enough or not bringing him enough salvage of value. But now, she thought, as she picked up the dry bar and began to gnaw on it, she could only feel disappointment. Had she really gotten so soft? So used to regular meals and all the water she could drink that she had forgotten what it was like to be wanting?

It was dangerous to get so complacent, not when she was completely reliant on another’s good will to provide her with the means to survive. They could just as easily decide to take it all away.

Nothing was free, it would always do her well to remember that. Every nice thing she was given here was at the cost of a sliver of her own independence. Independence she was very afraid she was losing. More and more, she was seeking out Ren’s company, and now, with this ominous meeting with the Supreme Leader, she was almost clinging to the knowledge that he’d be there with her. Even if he couldn't intervene, at least he would be there.

She wouldn’t be alone.

Finishing the remaining half of the bar quickly, choking on the dry grittiness, washing each bite down with a gulp of water, she wondered if that need for him was exactly what he wanted.

 

* * *

 

He was still buzzing with exhilaration as he left the hanger bay. The test flight had gone beyond what he could have hoped for, the Silencer had been responsive, fast, and deadly. Of the dozen different test batteries they had put it through, he guessed that it likely had broken records in half of them. The Silencer was going to be a potent once they deployed it.

The exhilaration faded as he walked to his quarters, replaced by the same gnawing fear that had haunted him since Snoke had demanded he bring Rey before him. In a few hours, her fate was going to be in hers and Snoke’s hands, and all he could do was hope she would listen to him and keep her attitude in check. And hope that Snoke saw the same potential in her that he did.

Sighing, he entered his quarters, pausing to unlock her room before heading towards his bedroom. He’d need to talk to her one more time before they left. Make sure his warnings were fresh in her mind before she stepped into the communication chamber.

He was facing the bed, pulling off his gloves when he felt her behind him. Opting to not turn right away, he set the gloves down on the bed began pulling off his outer layers, placing his surcoat and tunic neatly on the bed on top of his gloves. She fidgeted in his doorway, he could hear her shifting from foot to foot.

Finally he glanced over his shoulder, “Need anything?”

Her eyes darted away from him before she muttered, “How soon do we go?”

Turning, he raked a hand through his hair before walking over to her. She was nervous. That was good. It would serve her to be more fearful than bold when it came to standing before Snoke.

“In a few hours,” he said, dipping his chin down to look her in the eye. “Behave and you’ll be fine,” he added, somehow managing to keep his unease and uncertainty at that from his voice.

Her nose crinkled in annoyance at him telling her to behave and her eyes narrowed. Gods she was a stubborn thing, “And don’t make that face anywhere in that chamber or he’s going to have you on the ground screaming in pain.”

She frowned, taking a step back. Her hair was pulled back messily again, strands loose hanging in her face. Before he could stop himself he was reaching out and catching one of the loose strands, running the hair through his fingers.

Rey stiffened, “What… why are you…”

Her words cut off into a startled squeak as he grabbed her shoulder and spun her around, pulling her over to him. He pulled the hair tie out of her hair, letting it tumble loose.

“What are you doing?!”

“Relax,” he said quietly, combing his fingers through her hair. Enjoying the feel of it through his fingers. A little coarse, like she was. “Your hair is a mess.”

“It’s not a mess,” she huffed, but stood still. He fought the urge to keep combing it with his fingers, instead gathering it into three bundles. “I can take care of my own hair,” she said, crossly.

He didn’t respond, instead quickly wove the three bundles of hair together into a neat braid, securing the end with the hair tie and stepping back. “There, you look more respectable now.”

She glanced over her shoulder at him, brow furrowed, reaching over her shoulder and pulling the end of the braid up so she could look at it. “It was fine before,” she said, crossly. “How would you like it if I just started randomly touching your hair?”

Grinning in amusement, he bowed his head down to her, “Feel free.” When she just stared at him, disbelievingly, he laughed, “Seriously, if you want to. I don’t care.”

After a few seconds she reached her hand out timidly and brushed it lightly over his head. He glanced at her through the hair that had fallen in his face, she met his eyes and then flushed bright red, pulling her hand back and taking several steps backwards from him.

Straightening, he pushed his hair back out of his face, “Are we even now?”

Still red faced, she gave him an annoyed look. Muttering under her breath, she vanished out of his bedroom.

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t until he opened the door that she realized how small her world had become. First the room in the medbay, then just the space of Ren’s quarters. The long hallway the door to his quarters exited into seemed overwhelming, and she halted at the threshold of the doorway.

Ren stopped as he realized she wasn’t following, glancing over his shoulder at her with a frown. Backtracking a few steps, he stopped a few feet away, extending his hand out to her, “It’s okay, Rey.”

Taking a breath, she put her hand in his gloved one and took a step out of the doorway. He smiled gently down at her, giving her hand a squeeze and then letting it go. Nodding down the corridor, “Just stay right behind me.”

She did, staying so close to his heels that his cape occasionally brushed her legs, giving darting glances at the one or two officers they passed as Ren lead her to a lift. When the door opened, a pair of stormtroopers exited, leaving it empty, and Ren motioned her inside.

When the doors closed and the lift began to move, he stepped close, and she tilted her head up to look at him. His gloved hand gently cradled her chin, and he pressed his thumb against her bottom lip, “Your lip is shaking.”

Hell, her nerves were jumping everywhere.

“What are you going to do when we enter that room?”

She blinked, silent before she spoke with a slightly unsteady voice, “Stay behind you. If or when I’m called forward, do as I’m told.” A part of her flinched at that, baring its teeth angrily. She tried her best to ignore it, “Only speak if I’m asked a question.”

“Asked a question by me or Snoke. If anyone else is in that room and they address you, ignore them. If they ask a question, you look to me first to see if I want you to answer.”

Frowning, she broke her gaze from his and nodded once. He dropped his hand to her shoulders, taking a step forward and kissing her forehead before she could react. She blinked at him, warily.

“If you do all that you’ll be fine,” he said, voice confident and soothing.

But she couldn’t help but notice that the confidence in his voice wasn’t present in his eyes

 

* * *

 

The double doors opened to an absurdly large room. Across from them on a large platform was a towering hologram of a being, face twisted and scarred, sitting on a throne. In front of the hologram stood an officer with bright red hair, who turned and sneered their direction. She squinted, realizing she’d seen him once before… in the medbay after she’d tried to escape. Memory from that time seemed so hazy, but he’d been talking to Ren. She vaguely remembered thinking she didn’t like him.

Ren placed a hand on the small of her back as they entered the chamber, then stepped in front of her and lead the way down to stand next to the red haired man, who looked her up and down with utter contempt in his eyes. She stood behind Ren and looked at the ground. Not wanting to have her ire raised. Getting angry now would be dangerous.

“Kylo Ren,” the hologram spoke, his voice making her shiver. There was something dark and wrong about that voice. “Good of you to join us. General Hux and I were just reviewing your test flight of the new fighter.”

She glanced up to see the a holovid being played, a fighter… sharing some of the same design as the TIE fighters, but with a sleekness to it, an elegance. It was fast, clearly being piloted with skill—was Ren the one flying it?

Ren bowed his head, and she thought she saw a small smile on his face, though it was hard to tell from where she stood behind him.

“Thank you, Supreme Leader. I think the ship performed adequately.”

Snoke smiled, “More than adequately. It’s a shame there won’t be time to put the design into production before our assault on the Resistance base. A squadron of these would make short work of their pathetic fleet as they flee. But having you lead the fighters from the prototype shall have to do.”

Her heart stuttered. It shouldn’t really be a surprise that they intended to attack the Resistance, but it still made her feel slightly panicked. Would Chewie be with them? Would Finn if he had survived?

“Supreme Leader, I would not question your choices, but—” Hux began.

“But you are going to question the Leader’s choices?” Ren interjected, smugly.

The redhead narrowed his blue eyes and glared at Ren, “But—given Ren’s… familiar ties… perhaps his participation in the assault is… unwise.”

Ren stiffened, his fists clenching at his sides as he turned slowly towards Hux, “Are you questioning my _loyalty_ to the Order, General?”

“Of course not,” Hux said, voice silky. “I’m just considering that your emotions might overcome you if faced with… well…”

“She is dead to me,” Ren hissed through gritted teeth.

Her brow furrowed, not sure what they were talking about.

Hux flicked his gaze to her, scanning her up and down with contempt, “I can’t imagine why I might be worried about your _emotions_ getting between you and a goal for the order.”

Ren took a threatening step towards Hux, but the hologram towering over them waved his hand, “Enough. Ren has my confidence, and it is not your place to question, General.”

“Of course, Supreme Leader. It was not my intent to question, just to give my council,” Hux continued. Next to him Ren snorted, not hiding his contempt. It was fairly clear the two of them didn’t like each other.

“Ah, and this is young Rey.” She froze, the hair on the back of her neck rising. The hologram beaconed, “Come closer child.”

Swallowing, she stepped forward, Ren sidestepping out of her way and giving her a sharp, warning look. A reminder of all he had told her about what she should do. She took another step or two forward, stopping a few feet in front of Ren.

Snoke tsked, “Closer, I said.” The giant hand clenched and she felt herself pulled to the base of the dais, the monstrous face staring down at her and the giant hand opening next to her. If it had been real Snoke would have been cupping his hand around most of her torso. Leaning down from his seat, the projection’s face hovering closer, “Hmmmm… interesting… yes, you are quite interesting. Ren isn’t wrong about the power you contain, the potential… you could make a useful tool.”

Her teeth clenched together, a tool. Was that what she was?

“She’s a wild beast that should be put down,” Hux snapped behind them. “After what she did in the medbay…”

“Ah yes, that incident. When she used the medics’ incompetence and complacency against them?” Snoke chuckled, “Tell me child, are you sorry for what you did?”

Her eyes narrowed. Straightening her shoulders, she glared up into the hologram’s face, “No.”

She heard Ren let out an alarmed breath behind her, but the hologram grinned, bursting out in laughter, “No, you are not. You’d do it again, if you could, wouldn’t you? Kill anyone in your path to escape?”

“Yes,” she said, boldly, her anger rising. She would. She hadn’t asked to be here. She was a prisoner, and she’d escape given the chance.

“What about if you had the chance to kill Kylo Ren? If you had the opportunity to slit his throat, and that was all that stood between you and your freedom?”

Sucking in a breath, she felt panic well in her at the thought.

Snoke smiled down at her smugly, “You’re silence is answer enough. He does have you on a tether.” The head looked up past her, to where Ren would be standing, “And I trust you to keep a firm hand on her leash.”

“Not firm enough to get the map,” Hux spoke. Footsteps approached behind her, but Snoke’s force grip on her prevented her from turning her head. In her peripheral, she saw the redhead step next to her. “Is it really surprising I question Ren’s… motivations… when he coddles this girl who now has the key to finding Skywalker? Perhaps Ren has more attachment to his uncle than he cares to—” Hux’s voice cut off in a choking sputter. She could almost feel the invisible force that was wrapping itself around the man’s throat.

“Do not,” Ren spoke, voice low and dangerous, “call him my uncle again, General.”

“Release him,” Snoke ordered. From what she could see of his face next to her without turning her head, Hux’s face was turning red. “Now.”

Hux gasped and stumbled a few steps forward.

“The General does have a point about the map. She is the key to ending this, yet she protects Skywalker,” Snoke’s eyes glittered down at her.

“Supreme Leade—” Ren began, fear in his voice.

“SILENCE!” Ren’s voice cut off instantly. Snoke leaned down over her again, and she felt the force hold on her tighten. “The map, girl. After we have been so kind and hospitable to you, giving us this one small thing. It’s the least you could do.”

“No,” the word escaped in a hiss. She wouldn’t, not to them, not to Ren. She’d die first.

Snoke smirked down at her, “Yes…” Tendrils… clawed, creeping tendrils, seemed to be sinking into her mind. “GIVE. IT. TO. ME.”

The pain intensified and she felt herself lift off the ground, screaming in agony. It felt as if those claws were scraping across her mind, leaving deep, bloody fissures in their wake.

_give it. give it to me. give the map girl._

Through the haze and the agony, she barely heard the footsteps coming closer and the voice crying out next to her, “That’s enough! This—”

The tendrils and pain vanished and she crashed hard on the floor in a heap. She was vaguely aware of Ren crumbling on the floor next to her.

“You dare…” the voice above them hissed with rage. “I think you forget your place, _apprentice_.”

She stumbled to her feet, glaring up at the hologram defiant despite the panicked pounding of her heart. Ren pushed himself to his knees, nose bloody and lip split.

“This! I have tried to warn you that Ren’s fascination with this girl is unacceptable and dangerous,” Hux spoke, with an almost gleeful malice in his voice. She gritted her teeth, hating him more than anyone else right now. “His wish to keep her as a pet… or maybe a whore…”

Whirling, she raised her hand up, not entirely sure what she was doing, just operating on the impulse of the fury rising within her. Hux sputtered, eyes widening and hand going to his throat.

“Shut up,” she hissed at the man as he stumbled and fell to his knees.

Behind her she heard Ren getting to his feet, and the hologram sat up straighter, almost surprised.

Her force grip on Hux’s neck tightened.

“You said she was suppressed,” Snoke’s voice spoke, calculatingly, above her.

“She is,” Ren answered, sounding almost awed, “A mild one but it should be enough to disrupt…” his voice trailed off.

Hux sputtered, turning a shade of purple.

“Hmmm. This is interesting.”

Her focus was all on the man who was on his knees, his life being choked away by her grip. She barely noticed as the hologram’s giant hand opened above her, “Quite interesting indeed.”

The tendrils wrapped around her mind again, and the world went black.

 

* * *

 

He had to resist the urge to catch her as she fell to the ground.

His intervention in Snoke’s ransacking of her mind had been stupid enough. So instead he stepped back, turning to face the Supreme Leader as Hux gasped on the ground. Somehow, despite having never been shown how, Rey had force choked the man. Force choked him while force suppressed.

“Leave us, General,” Snoke waved his hand dismissively. “Ren and I have some things to discuss.”

Hux got to his feet, face contorted with rage, “Supreme Leader, the girl—”

“Is not your concern. Leave.”

The General stared up a moment before taking a step back, glaring down at the girl now collapsed in a heap on the black metal floor. Giving Snoke a polite bow of his head, Hux turned, their eyes briefly meeting. The look in the man’s eyes was pure, livid rage.

When the chamber doors closed behind Hux, Snoke looked down at him thoughtfully, “She is much stronger than I think even you suspect.”

“She may be,” he agreed. She had surprised him. A force choke requires a level of control well beyond that of an outburst, control that the suppressant should have prevented.

“I understand what you are doing,” Snoke’s hands clasped together. He kept his expression flat, though those words caused his heart to flip a moment. If Snoke truly knew the long game he was playing right now, he’d be dying quite painfully, he was sure of that.

“You are binding her to you. Already she feels a need for you, beyond just attachment and compassion. She looks to you to anchor her now, though she won’t even admit it to herself. I saw such in her mind.”

He didn’t answer, just bowed his head in a slight nod.

“But this route is dangerous, especially for you.” He swallowed, waiting for Snoke to continue, “Compassion remains your weakness. And you have compassion for this girl, you have _feelings_ for her. You could just as easily lose yourself to her as you have her lose herself to you. That you would interfere with my interrogation is a troubling development.”

“I…” he took a deep breath. “Forgive me, Supreme Leader. I feared that it could cause much of the progress I have made with to be lost…”

“Ah, yes, I’m sure that was the reason,” Snoke smirked down at him coldly. “Develop whatever attachments to the girl as you wish, but remember where your ultimate loyalty lies. If you intervene on her behalf in such a way again, you will be sorry.”

“Y-yes, Supreme Leader.”

“And I would hate to see such power wasted. She will be a useful tool, perhaps in more ways than one. For now, I shall stay my hand on retrieving the map from her. Perhaps indefinitely if we annihilate the rebels when we attack their base. However…” Snoke folded his hands together, “If the assault fails, my patience will be at an end, I will take the map from her, and if she is damaged in the process so be it.” A calculating smile crossed Snoke’s face, “She may be useful even with her mind destroyed, assuming she is fertile.”

He blinked in confusion, “I… fertile?”

“Despite dilution, the Skywalker line only seems to grow stronger every generation. This is despite their breeding with those who had no force sensitivity. But a child between two powerful force users… oh, the potential.”

Utter disbelief was his reaction to this. Snoke wasn’t just talking about breeding Rey like some kind of broodmare, even if she was a mindless vegetable to be used as an incubator, but breeding her with him. The thought was revolting, and offensive.

Snoke waved a hand, noting and dismissing his reaction, “None of that will be necessary, for now, if we eradicate the rebel threat.” The hologram flickered, fading, “So I suggest you do not fail me, Kylo Ren.”

The hologram blinked out of existence, he stood, staring a moment, before exhaling the breath he had been holding.

For now, at least, there was a reprieve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *blows kiss* Thank you all for the kind comments on this fic.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He cradled Rey gently in his arms as he walked down the corridors, paying no mind to the odd glances from officers and stormtroopers. A strange, almost eerie calmness seemed to hang over his mind, covering the turmoil and rage that brewed underneath.
> 
> To say he was furious was an understatement. He was beyond anger, beyond rage, beyond fury. He was livid. Livid at Hux for his interference. The little bastard had done his best to orchestrate Snoke’s actions against his girl. If he was here in front of him right now he might just crush his neck, damn the consequences.
> 
> Little bastard, he smirked to himself as he entered the lift. He’d managed to even come up with an accurate insult without even trying.

He cradled Rey gently in his arms as he walked down the corridors, paying no mind to the odd glances from officers and stormtroopers. A strange, almost eerie calmness seemed to hang over his mind, covering the turmoil and rage that brewed underneath.

To say he was furious was an understatement. He was beyond anger, beyond rage, beyond fury. He was livid. Livid at Hux for his interference. The little bastard had done his best to orchestrate Snoke’s actions against his girl. If he was here in front of him right now he might just crush his neck, damn the consequences.

Little bastard, he smirked to himself as he entered the lift. He’d managed to even come up with an accurate insult without even trying.

His anger towards Snoke was less focused, but there. Snoke casually suggesting Rey could be used as a broodmare if she was reduced to a vegetable—be used as a broodmare with him as the stud—had revolted and disturbed him in ways he wasn’t even sure he’d fully comprehended yet. As if he was some prize fathier to be bred at Snoke’s will…

He idly brushed Rey’s hair out of her face as he gazed down at her. She looked peaceful, almost serene, while unconscious like this. She had looked like this in his arms on Takadona, facial muscles slack and relaxed in her forced slumber. It gave her a soft and delicate kind of beauty.

But it was nothing compared to the fierce, aggressive beauty when she was enraged. He’d seen it on Starkiller when she had come so very close to striking him down—seen the way her eyes blazed and her power surged. And he had seen in the communication chamber, as Hux had fallen to his knees clawing at the invisible hand of the force she was using to squeeze his airways closed.

As much as he’d enjoyed watching it, he’d been taken completely off guard by her force attack on Hux. Putting aside the fact that she had managed to do it while on chemical suppressants, there was also the fact she’d done with without any formal force training. It was one thing to manage an unfocused force push to knock someone into a wall, but entirely another to be able to focus the force in such a specific way as to choke them.

How? He hummed, quietly, not entirely aware that he was doing so. A lullaby his mother had sung to him as a child. How?

He’d thought that question on Starkiller when after fighting awkwardly with the lightsaber, clearly an unfamiliar weapon, she had suddenly seemed to fight in a style nearly mirroring his own.

“You are full of surprises, aren’t you, Rey?” he murmured, studying her face.

The lift opened and he carried her down the hallways to his quarters, carrying her inside. He started to carry her to her room, but then stopped. It would be hard to put her on her bed without messing up her little blanket nest, and he supposed she wouldn’t appreciate that. Instead he turned and walked to his own bedroom, supporting her with one arm as he pulled the blankets back.

It was probably better to have her here anyway, he thought to himself as he pulled the covers back and set her gently on the bed. Easier for him to keep an eye on for when she woke up. Snoke had not been careful while tearing through her mind. It would take time to recover.

And anyway, if he locked her in her room, the temptation to leave for a bit to pay Hux a… visit… might be too overwhelming to ignore. That was best left for later, once he’d calmed down a bit. It wouldn’t do if he accidentally broke the good General’s neck while trying to make his point.

He pulled off his gloves, setting them neatly on his dresser, then sat on the edge of the bed next to Rey as he pulled off his boots. She whimpered, shifting slightly, eyes moving behind her closed eyelids. That was a good sign, if she was starting to dream she was moving out of the force sleep into normal sleep.

Her dream must not have been pleasant, her brow furrowed with tension and her breathing quickened. Frowning, he placed his bare hand on her forehead, pressing into her mind just enough to dissipate the nightmare. Rey’s face slowly relaxed, her breathing settling again. Good.

It was just a matter now of waiting for her to wake up.

 

* * *

 

_Her nightmare dissipated before it could fully form. Leaving her with the echoes of a voice “I’ll come back for you” mixed with her child cries of “Come back!”_

_It faded, and instead she found herself on the island._

_The tree called to her as the ocean roared._

_The tree, the island, the ocean, she dreamed of all of them. This was a dream, but it felt different, somehow, more real._

_The tree was where it always was, she followed the path down to it, hesitating once at the entrance before slipping inside. It was the same as always, empty, a beam of light highlighting an empty shelf. An empty shelf that she was sure shouldn’t be empty— something belonged there._

_Her hand caressed one of the inner walls of the tree and closed her eyes. The wood was smooth and she could feel a thrum of power like an electrical charge running through it. There was something more, something it wanted to show her._

**“Who are you?”**

_She snapped her eyes open, startled by the unexpected voice. But she was alone, there was no one here. There never was anyone here—_

**“WHO are YOU?”**

_The voice was demanding. As if it felt she was trespassing here. As if it had the right to demand to know who she was and why she was here._

_She squared her shoulders, glaring around at nothing at all, “I could ask you the same, who are you?”_

_There was a pause, long enough that she wondered if the voice was gone. Perhaps it had never been there in the first place—_

**“I asked first.”**

_The demanding edge had softened on the voice. It still seemed wary, but there was a trace of humor in it._

_She shrugged, “I’m no one. My name is Rey.”_

**“No one?”** _the voice mused._ **“Where are you from then, Rey No One?”**

_“Nowhere.” She wandered about the tree, looking at the walls, wondering if there was some hidden place a person could be. It was silly, if this was a dream, she could just be hearing a voice._

**“No one is from nowhere—”**

_Her eyes rolled, “Jakku.”_

**“Okay, that’s pretty close to nowhere,”** _the voice agreed._ **“Why are you here, Rey No One from Nowhere?”**

_“Why are you here? This is my dream.” She paused, “Are you even here? There’s never been a voice in my dream before.”_

**“Dreaming?”** _The voice seemed to be musing again._ **“A voice? You can’t see me then? I can’t see you, but I felt your presence. It was unexpected.”**

_An irritated sigh escaped her, “You never answered me. Who are you?” She turned to face the shelf again and blinked in surprise. The empty shelf was no longer empty, instead, a dozen or so old books were slotted neatly on it. She approached it, puzzled, reaching out a hand towards them._

_The voice seemed to be hesitating again, but finally spoke as her fingers were about to touch one of the books, and then the dream faded to blindingly bright whiteness._

**“My name is Luke.”**

 

* * *

 

The dream faded quickly, overwhelmed by the lancing, sharp throb raging in her head.

It was way too bright.

Even with her eyes closed, it seared right through her eyelids and straight into her head. Her throbbing, pounding, head. She shifted, trying to pick up her arm to cover her eyes, only to have it get caught by a blanket covering her. Her muscles didn’t seem to want to cooperate as she tried to fumble her arm free.

Where was she? What had happened? Why was it so painfully fucking bright?

As if something heard her thoughts, the light vanished and there was darkness. Blissful darkness. Slowly, she opened her eyes, blinking around the darkened room. A dark, blurry shape was moving towards her, like some large, looming shadow. She shrank back into the soft pillows.

“Easy,” the shadow murmured in a familiar voice.

...Ren?

A trickle of memories and awareness began to flow. Yes, Ren. He had taken her to see Snoke. It… she shivered, remembering the searing pain through her mind.

Her thoughts broke off as Ren’s face came into focus, hovering above her, shadowed by darkness and framed by his hair hanging down as he leaned over her. The blankets pulled back and Ren slid his arm behind her back, propping her up and bringing a glass to her lips. The water splashed against her lips and she began to drink greedily.

“Easy,” Ren repeated again, pulling the glass back. “Not too much too fast.”

He set the glass down and sat down in a chair next to the bed. She pushed herself up weakly, blinking around the room. “Where am I?” she said, her voice seemed to slur slightly.

“Safe. Back in our quarters,” he murmured. “But you need to relax. You’re going to feel like shit for awhile yet.”

She squinted, taking in the darkened room, confused, she wasn’t in her bed. Her hands rubbed the slick sheets under her, this was… this was Ren’s bedroom.

“Why am I in your bed?” she shifted against the pillows. That just… it just seemed inappropriate.

Ren’s eyebrows rose, his head tilting slightly, “So I could keep an eye on you till you woke up.” He offered her the water again and she drank, slower this time. He studied her face thoughtfully, “Do you remember what happened?”

She did. He had taken her to see Snoke… well, Snoke’s hologram. And… and… pain. She remembered pain.

Okay, so maybe she only sort of remembered. Her memories of it were a wreck buried in sand, but the sand was sliding away, revealing bits and pieces of the hull, glinting clear in the sun.

“I remember bits. Snoke…” She glance at Ren to find his expression impassive as he nodded, either in agreement or to encourage her to continue. “And… and…” her teeth gritted together, “and that redheaded asshole.”

The impassive mask on Ren’s face broke as he snorted a laugh, “Yes. Hux was there.”

He had been antagonizing. Called her a wild beast and implied worse. And he’d been the one who pushed Snoke into...

She shivered, remembering the feeling of claws ripping through her mind.

“Asshole,” she hissed again. He’d pushed Snoke into demanding she give him the map. And when she’d refused, Snoke had tried to pry it from her.

“Yes,” Ren agreed, a small smile on his lips.

Another image floated into her mind. That little asshole was on his knees clawing at his throat and somehow she was squeezing the life from him without ever touching him.

“I… I choked him?” a touch of confused panic ebbed into her voice. How could she have?

Ren’s head tilted again, his eyes glinting, “Mm, you did.”

“How?”

“That’s a question I’d like to ask you.” He seemed to study her for a moment, “You shouldn’t have been able to.”

She frowned, looking down at her hands, not sure what that meant.

_“That’s enough! This—”_

Her eyes snapped up to Ren’s, “I thought you said you wouldn’t be able to help me in that room? You tried...” Her voice trailed off. Not only tried, he had succeeded in getting Snoke to stop, if only because his doing so had enraged the monster that was the Supreme Leader.

He blinked, seemingly startled for a moment, before reaching over and gently undoing her braid. She tensed slightly, then relaxed as his fingers combed through her hair. It was sort of weirdly calming.

“I shouldn’t have,” he said, finally. “But I couldn’t…” His voice trailed off and he shrugged, “I couldn’t.”

 

* * *

 

“The last thing I remembered I was choking… Hux?”

She leaned her elbows on the table watching Ren get dinner together. The pain in her head had eased to a dull throb, and normal light levels no longer felt like they were burning through her skull.

Ren smirked, “The asshole?”

“Yes.” She would have rolled her eyes but she was pretty sure it would make her dizzy.

He nodded, “That was when Snoke knocked you out to get you to release Hux.”

“He can do that through a hologram?” She shivered, trying to imagine how much worse the Supreme Leader would be in person.

“Snoke is _very_ strong. Even if he’s physically light years away, you need to always be on your guard when before him.”

Her brow furrowed. On your guard? That seemed like a strange thing to say. The type of thing you’d say when preparing for battle. She would have expected him to say something like be on your best behavior.

She shook her head, eyes glancing at the bowls Ren was picking up. Her stomach churned and she fought a wave of queasiness, “I’m not sure I can eat.”

His eyebrows rose, “Now that’s a statement you’ve probably never uttered in your life.” She huffed and he smirked, setting a small bowl of yellow liquid in front of her, “I figured. This is just broth, it should be easy on your stomach.”

“I’ll have you know that’s a statement I’ve made many times before,” she folded her arms.

He put his own bowl down, she could his was similar, but had bits of vegetables and meat in it. “Oh?”

“If you’re too dehydrated, you won’t be able to keep the food down, and if you throw it up you waste it.”

Ren stiffened, looking up to gaze at her with an emotion she was sure she could quite read before sitting down, “I apologize. I shouldn’t have teased you about that.”

She nodded, a little surprised that he would apologize. Glancing down to break eye contact, she saw there was a spoon instead of the usual fork. It was a utensil she was more familiar with, not that she’d had or used one at any regular time. Normally she’d seen larger ones used for cooking.

“How come I’ve never gotten one of these before?” she waved the spoon. If she’d had one of these she could have scooped those stupid eggs that fell off her fork much much easier.

“Because you’d shovel everything you could into your mouth with it,” Ren answered, dryly. He picked his own spoon up and dipped it into his soup. She followed his lead, picking up the spoon and scooping up a bit of the liquid. It was kind of dumb. Drinking it from the bowl would make so much more sense. But Ren would probably have a fit.

Huffing to herself, she shoved the spoon into her mouth. The broth was light but salty and delicious. She pulled the bowl closer, leaning over it, and began to scoop the liquid into her mouth as fast as she could.

Across from her Ren let out an exasperated sigh, setting his spoon down. Her eyes shot up to him and she frowned, broth dripping down her chin back into the bowl. “What?”

He shook his head, “Nothing.”

She narrowed her eyes, surprised he wasn’t telling her to stop and eat in some different “proper” way.

His head tilted thoughtfully, “Do you trust me, Rey?”

Frowning, she sat up straighter, wiping her chin with the back of her hand. Slowly she nodded once.

Ren smiled, “Good. I’m going to need you to for this to work.”

“For what to work?” she asked, confused.

“Trust me,” his smile widened as he picked up his spoon again. “Just trust me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to weave a bit of plot through this. 
> 
> Another thank you all who comment. You guys sustain me.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a risk, a big one really, to try and teach her this. He was being as careful as he could about not giving her any explanation as to why he was teaching her this, but Snoke would be very suspicious as to why he suddenly and urgently felt the need to teach her to hide information.
> 
> The problem was, he couldn’t really move forward with trying to turn this idea into a real plan until she could protect information he told her. Once she could do that, he could start working out the details between them.
> 
> He was going to need to work on her fighting skills too. There were only a few weeks before the First Order would move on D’Qar. Either that would go well and buy him and Rey more time, or it would go badly and they would need to be ready to act.
> 
> “Ready?” he asked after she stretched and recrossed her legs. It was a simple game in concept, but extremely difficult in execution. Rey was already pissy about the difficulty and constant failures. She was improving, but it was a subtle thing, not nearly as noticeable as the fact that she keeps losing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long wait between updates! Here's some... um... whateverthisis. It's kind of fluff in a weird way.
> 
> Fun fact, I saved the first chapter or so of this fic in google docs under "whateverthisis" before I titled it and never changed the document name. It still sometimes fits it pretty well.
> 
> Also this chapter is unedited. Very unedited. Especially since it's midnight and I just finished writing it.

“Try it again.”

She scowled at Kylo. The last week it had been the same thing over and over. Get up early, go to the training room just to sit cross legged on the floor and think of a word. Then try to keep him from being able to pull that word from her. It wasn’t exactly blocking as much as hiding. she was supposed to keep shifting the information behind different mental walls, not allowing him to get close to it.

It was tiring and boring and she failed miserably over and over. Plus she was hungry and they wouldn’t have a lot of time to eat breakfast before Kylo had to leave if this kept going on and on.

Kylo snorted, “You and food. We’ll still have plenty of time to eat. And it’s not like you take your time with a meal.”

“Yes I do, cause you _make_ me,” she glared at him. “You and your stupid forks.”

He let out an exasperated sigh, but there wasn’t any annoyance in his eyes as he ran a hand through his hair. If anything there was a gentle fondness in the way he was looking at her.

“Just one more time, then we can eat,” he spread his hands, “if you can keep me from finding the word for five minutes we’ll have something special for breakfast.”

She looked up at him sharply, something special? What counts as special with breakfast?

“You’ll find out if you can make me put some effort into finding that word.”

“Quit reading my mind when we haven’t even started,” she snapped.

Kylo just smiled. She scowled at him and saw his hands twitch, like he was resisting reaching out and touching her.

“Fine,” she stretched her legs out a second before recrossing them, “let’s do this.”

 

* * *

 

It was a risk, a big one really, to try and teach her this. He was being as careful as he could about not giving her any explanation as to why he was teaching her this, but Snoke would be very suspicious as to why he suddenly and urgently felt the need to teach her to hide information.

The problem was, he couldn’t really move forward with trying to turn this idea into a real plan until she could protect information he told her. Once she could do that, he could start working out the details between them.

He was going to need to work on her fighting skills too. There were only a few weeks before the First Order would move on D’Qar. Either that would go well and buy him and Rey more time, or it would go badly and they would need to be ready to act.

“Ready?” he asked after she stretched and recrossed her legs. It was a simple game in concept, but extremely difficult in execution. Rey was already pissy about the difficulty and constant failures. She _was_ improving, but it was a subtle thing, not nearly as noticeable as the fact that she keeps losing.

Rey rolled her eyes at him and huffed, nodding. A stray lock of brown hair fell into her face as she did, bobbing next to her eye. His eyes fixed on to it, following it as it swayed, fighting the overwhelming urge to reach out and catch it between his fingers.

He’d hoped his growing fascination would start to fade after a few days. So far, it hadn't, and it was a constant distraction, one he really needed to get under control. The next few weeks were going to require focus if he was going to get Rey to a point that she could be an asset instead of a hindrance. Constantly fighting the urge to run his fingers through her hair wasn’t going to help either of them.

“Are we doing this or not?”

Blinking he snapped his focus to her face, wondering how long he’d just been staring at her hair. She was eying him a little warily, which made him think it was a bit longer than the few seconds it felt like.

“Yes,” he answered, pushing himself into her mind. She flinched at the discomfort of it, and he could feel her mind tense for a second around his presence in an instinctual reaction to fight back and try to remove the intruder from her head. After a moment, he felt her mind relax around him as he’d been telling her to do. Good girl. Fighting like that just exhausts you and leaves whatever you really want to protect vulnerable.

He pushed in further, searching for the word she was hiding from him. This technique was not easy. Not only did you have to keep the information you were hiding moving, keeping it away from your interrogator’s probing, but you also had to avoid letting yourself think about what you were doing. A stray thought could act as a pathway straight to the information you were hiding.

Minds were strange and surreal multidimensional mazes. He had the benefit in this game to know what he was looking for, and know she was hiding something. That helped him greatly and made Rey’s task all the more difficult. She was doing good so far, he wasn’t getting close.

Then she slipped— _too close getting too close need to—_

He grabbed that thought, and it pulled him straight through her weak wall that she was hiding the word behind.

“Breakfast?” he snorted at the word she’d chosen. Gods she had a one track mind.

She glared at him, clearly pissed that she lost once again, “What? I’m hungry.”

Smiling, he glanced at the chrono. Six minutes and some change, not bad at all. “Six minutes, you earned your hotcakes.”

“Hot… what?”

“Breakfast. I promised you something special,” he got to his feet, stretching his stiff legs.

Rey got up eagerly, “But what are they?”

He smirked as he left the training room, Rey on his heels, “You’ll find out in about ten minutes.”

 

* * *

 

_“Ben!”_

_He groaned, burying his face into his pillow._

_“Ben! Get up and come to breakfast.” The door to his room opened and his mother walked in, “You can’t sleep all day.”_

_“Five more minutes,” he muttered into his pillow._

_“No. Not five more minutes. Get up and come eat,” she walked over and pulled the covers off him. Groaning, he rolled onto his back again to look up into his mother’s face. She smiled, brushing the hair from his eyes. “You need a haircut, I’ll see if I can arrange for Elsie to do it.”_

_That brought another groan out of him. Over the last year he’d been becoming more and more self-conscious of his appearance, especially his ears. He hated the way they stuck out when his hair was cut short. And Elsie, his mother’s protocol droid, always cut his hair way too short._

_His mother rolled her eyes before leaning down to kiss his forehead, “I expect you at the table in a few minutes.” She smiled at him gently before standing up and walking out of the room. He sighed, sitting up and rubbing his eyes before getting up and walking towards the kitchen._

_He froze in the doorway. Instead of their culinary droid, Beex, at the stove, his father stood there, flipping the hotcakes—his favorite—frying in the pan. His dad had been gone for the last few months, and when he would ask his mother when his dad was coming home, she’d only say “when he can.”_

_“There’s my sleepyhead,” his father glanced at him with lopsided smile while his mother sat at the table, resting her chin on her hand and watching with a smile on her face. Letting out a squeal of joy he launched himself across the room and into his father’s arms._

_“You’re back! Dad, you’re back!” he buried his face against his father’s shoulder. “I missed you!”_

_His father laughed, holding onto him with one arm while turning to awkwardly flip the hotcakes with one hand, “I’m back. I’ll always come back, Ben.”_

 

* * *

 

Rey reaching for the crock of carbo syrup from the center of the table snapped him out of his memories.

He grabbed it first, “You’ve got plenty of syrup on them already.”

Plenty was an understatement, Rey’s plate was practically a pool of syrup with hotcakes floating in it. She was already coated in the stuff, sticky-sweet goo having run down her chin and dripped all over her shirt. It was giving him a weird conflicting set of urges. On one hand he desperately wanted to drag her to a shower and hose her down, on the other he had the weirdest urge to lick the syrup off her chin.

She scowled at him but didn’t argue, instead grabbing her fork again. He was pretty sure it was sticky enough that she could have picked it up without closing her fingers.

Spearing half a hotcake— he’d insisted she cut them after shoving the first one in her mouth whole— she swirled it in the syrup before bringing it to her mouth, leaving a trail of sticky droplets along its path. It oozed from her lips to her chin as she shoved the piece into her mouth, dripping down onto her shirt.

Maybe this had been bad idea, he was going to have to hose the entire dining area down after this.

Rey let out a groan of pleasure, chewing with her mouth open, “These are amazing.”

He sighed, setting the syrup down next to his own plate. Maybe it was still worth it. Though he wasn’t probably going to do it again anytime soon. “They were my favorite for breakfast when I was a kid,” he said, his eyes darting to the syrup on her chin again.

“Did you eat them often?” Rey asked as she speared the other half of the hotcake.

“Not too often. They were more of a treat we had every now and again.” He watched her shove the hotcake in her mouth, eyes following the syrup as it dripped down. Somehow he was both drawn to and revolted by it.

“I could eat this everyday,” she replied through a mouthful of half-chewed hotcake.

Revulsion won again and he looked away. If they had these everyday he’d have to have a sanitation droid deep sonic clean his entire quarters daily after breakfast.

Rey finished her last hotcake and stared down at the remaining syrup pooled on her plate.

“Don’t even think about trying to drink that,” he said sharply. Her head darted up and she scowled at him, which pretty much confirmed that she had indeed been thinking about that.

“How else am I going to eat it?” She glared at him as she dipped her fork into syrup and brought it to her mouth. Her very shiny, sticky mouth.

“You eat it with the hotcakes. You don’t eat it by itself.”

“But then it gets wasted,” she huffed, looking irritated.

“Don’t put so much on next time and it won’t get wasted,” he stood up and grabbed her plate and his before she could think about trying anything else.

Her eyes followed him, looking more offended than pissed off, “You waste food all the time.”

Dropping the plates into the reclamation chute, he glanced back at her, “Okay, for one, carbosyrup hardly counts as food. Two, we aren’t throwing that much of it away. Three, I do _not_ waste food all the time.”

She raised her eyebrows, watching him as he rinsed his hands, sticky from the plates. From her plate, mostly. “You leave food on your plate all the time, and then you throw it down that chute.”

“I might not eat everything every meal, but that doesn’t mea—”

“No one wasted food on Jakku,” she got up, looking at him coldly. “Not that there was ever really enough for me to even think about wasting it. But even if someone had too much to eat they either horde it or sell it.”

He stopped, tilting his head, “It’s different here, we have enough that throwing a little away isn’t a big deal.”

“You throw food away while people in the galaxy go hungry.” She huffed, getting to her feet and walking over to the counter, turning her back to him.

She wasn’t upset as much as offended, he realized.

“That’s true.” He paused, “I’ll try not to let as much go to waste.” She turned towards him just slightly, tilting her head at him, and he smiled, “But you’re still not going to drink carbo syrup.”

Rey’s eyes softened and she laughed, “Okay, fine.” Her chin still was sticky with drying syrup and once again he had the crazy urge to grab her and lick her chin.

Fuck, he really had to get some of his stranger impulses under control. It was getting extremely distracting.

She put her hand on the counter as she turned to face him. Her very sticky hand. Very, very sticky hand.

He flinched, “Don’t—”

“What?” she asked, brow furrowing in confusion at his reaction. His looked her over from head to toe. Gods, she was an utter mess. Anything she touched or brushed against was going to get smeared with syrup residue. She frowned, nervously, “What’s the probl—”

Darting forward, he grabbed her and picked her up, ignoring the startled squeak she made as he threw her over his shoulder and carried her rapidly from the dining area to his bedroom, and then into the bathroom. He didn’t really register her protests and questions of what he was doing until he was setting her down in front of the shower.

It vaguely occurred to him that given he’d grabbed her without any warning, that she hadn’t fought him really, even though he’d have to admit it would have probably been the reasonable thing to do. He leaned past her and turned on the shower, grimacing as his hand stuck slightly to the faucet handle. Great, he probably was also smeared with it.

“You’re coated in carbo syrup,” he informed her.

“So? You had to drag me to the bathroom for that?” She eyed the shower warily, before looking back at him. He was busy looking down at himself. There were smears of syrup residue on his shirt.

“I didn’t drag you,” he answered, grabbing her right above the waist and picking her up. She squeaked in surprise again, but didn’t fight him as he deposited her, fully clothed, under the stream of warm water. “I carried you.”

Her hair fell in wet clumps over her face, but he still could see her roll her eyes. He also saw them widen in surprise when he, also still in his clothes, stepped into the shower with her. Tilting her head up she looked up at him, a strange mixture of annoyance, acceptance, and a little nervousness in her eyes.

“You got syrup on me too,” he explained, pushing the hair from his eyes and smiling down at her. Their faces were so close together, he could see warm water beginning to rinse the syrup from her face and chin. But he bet if he kissed her he’d be able to still taste syrup on her lips.

He really wanted to kiss her. Badly.

Instead he reached for his shampoo, pouring some into his hand and starting to wash her hair. She stayed stock still, staring up at him, water dripping down her face.

“You’re so weird,” she murmured, voice barely audible over the sound of falling water.

“Yeah,” he smiled as he massaged her hair, “sometimes. Sometimes just a little.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Kylo. OCD. Thirst af. These things are starting to conflict with one another.


End file.
